Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Have you ever got in touch with an old friend you fell out with?

67 replies

AbsentmindedWoman · 31/03/2022 06:20

I had a great friendship of over a decade, we were very close. Fell out oddly and stupidly years ago - frustrating because there wasn't even a row as such We were just both in quite a bad place.

I tried contacting her a handful of times during the first year after the fall out, but she never replied. So I assume it was a bigger thing than I really knew about - that there was obviously a problem I was unaware of, and she didn't want to be friends, and that was that.

Once a year or so she crosses my mind and I hope she's doing well (which I'm sure she is) and it's just kinda wistful. I could never get in touch now, too long has passed and there's no way we could ever go back to the friendship. I'm grateful that we had the fun and laughs we did have, though

These ghosts of friendship from the past are poignant.

Isn't it annoying and stupid sometimes how unfortunately things can work out, and you lose a friend you never thought you'd lose?

Has similar ever happened to you? Has anyone actually ever revived an old friendship?

OP posts:

ScreamingBees · 31/03/2022 19:39

I've thought about it a few times, but never have. And also, would not like to be contacted either. If there was a fall out or drifting apart, then there was a reason and it's for the best. I've not fallen out with many people.

I've drifted apart from a very close friend over recent years mostly due to opinions on various social and political issues. That's perfectly OK though, in fact I feel good about it.

muddyford · 31/03/2022 19:47

Yes. A very good friend ghosted me after a minor disagreement. A year later I wrote her a letter of apology and got another friend to address the envelope. She never got back to me. This was eight years ago and I still miss her and think of her often. If she contacted me I would be so pleased.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 31/03/2022 19:54

This happened to me, we were so so close, very similar to your situation, I was very angry and hurt by her that enough was enough. She did get in touch after 4ish years, apologised, I’m so glad she did. I attended her wedding, and although we aren’t as close as we once were I’m glad she’s back in my life. I’d say reach out, you just never know!

PancakePenelope · 31/03/2022 19:58

I drifted apart from a very close friend that I met at university- we had loads of fun together for a couple of years but then she moved away and we just didn't keep in touch. About 8 years later I discovered that I worked with someone who knew her and this MF / acquaintance arranged for the three of us to meet up. MF didn't show but old friend did and it was like no time had passed at all.
Ten years on we are still the best of friends, we live in different parts of the country and have busy lives so we may not speak for weeks and only see each other every couple of months but I feel so lucky to have a friend like her

On the other hand, I had a really close friend at work and honestly thought of her as a sister for a few years. We both found jobs elsewhere but still saw each other weekly. Something changed though, I think we both felt the same but couldn't put a name to it. We didn't arrange to meet up one week and literally haven't spoken since then. It's been over ten years and I miss the times we had together, but I don't know if I could ever get in touch again

RoseJam · 31/03/2022 19:59

I always think of this !

Have you ever got in touch with an old friend you fell out with?

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 31/03/2022 20:00

@Spanielsarepainless

It's never a minor thing though.

I ghosted someone, after years of 'minor' disagreements and being taken for granted. It's just the final straw sometimes.

LoganberryJam · 31/03/2022 20:04

Yes, I fell out with a good friend due to a complicated situation in which we both felt let down by the other person. We did eventually put it behind us and we're friends again now. But we'd only been out of touch for a period of a few months - not several years. That may be harder to come back from.

Gonnagetgoing · 31/03/2022 20:05

For me yes, but she got back in touch with me. If wasn’t the best of times as I was being badly bullied at work and she didn’t apologise for how she’d treated me before so sorry to say though we spoke on FB we soon kind of fell out. Then strangely enough we became text buddies through all of Covid. Her mum sadly died in early 2021 and I sent her some bits (crystals and a card) but funnily enough a bit later I was sitting at home when she said she’d drop by one day and I suddenly thought but I don’t want that. She’d dropped in on my childhood home before when I was visiting my mum and that was bad enough as we weren’t speaking. Anyway, we’re still in touch but I’m not doing the text tennis now.

WomanStanleyWoman · 31/03/2022 20:09

I find it quite interesting how differently society treats broken friendships and broken romantic relationships. I broke off contact with a long-term friend about four years ago and, even over a year on, there were still people asking me ‘Have you still not made things up?’, as if one or both of us was just being stubborn. No one would ever ask, a year on from a relationship break-up, if you really still weren’t back together.

Maybe it’s as simple as the fact that you can have several friendships at once, but only one romantic relationship (well, in most cases anyway!) Because you have other friendships you can enjoy, it doesn’t matter as much if one of them goes through peaks and troughs. But I do wonder if part of it is the ‘Men come and go, but friends are forever’ narrative that is pushed quite heavily at women.

mamma2013 · 31/03/2022 20:17

I had a situation with a friend when I moved away, sort of an argument but not really. I felt bad as I felt it was probably my fault mainly as I'd been very depressed with homesickness and perhaps my not keeping in contact was the reason for the non argument. I got in touch a few years ago saying how sorry I was and I hope she could forgive me. She said fine no worries, we are fb friends and no hard feelings but probably as far as it will ever go now.

A580Hojas · 31/03/2022 20:31

Really good friends we drifted away from got in touch again about 6 years ago. It's been brilliant ever since and we see them about once a month. I'm so glad they did.

Amaya89 · 31/03/2022 20:33

Had a friend I was quite close to but I got sick of her taking the piss and taking her shit out on me. There was always a massive drama and it got too much. An argument one day was the final straw. She's messaged a couple of times over the years but never apologised and though I do think about her sometimes, I can't be doing with that in my life again.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 31/03/2022 20:54

Any that were revived were a bit like Stephen King's pets graveyard....all messed up

This is such a good description. I've never fallen out with anyone to the point of cutting contact, but I've had to patch up a falling out with a friend (not close) who is a member of a group of friends, to avoid losing the group. Outwardly all is well but...I hate being in her company now that I know she was seething with resentment for years and I suspected nothing. Now I look at her, outwardly the person I've known for 35 years, and think "Who are you? What is really inside there?". Unsettling.

Porcupineintherough · 31/03/2022 21:08

@ChardonnaysPetDragon in which case, why would that person suddenly get back in touch? Weird as fuck.

BeeDavis · 31/03/2022 21:47

I fell out with one of my best friends about 10 years ago, we’d been friends for about 6/7 years. The falling out was pretty stupid, but she was a very flakey friend, always letting us down with plans we’d arranged. It got to the point where we were just fed up of her. She was supposed to come on a night out for my birthday but then bailed on us as usual. My other best friend messaged her basically letting her know how much of a shit friend she was. We actually worked together at this point and the next day I was on shift and another colleague came up to me on her behalf saying we were out of order and she was scared to leave her house because of us 🙄 honestly it was ridiculous 😂 This friend also came on holiday with us for 10 days but actually stayed in 7/10 of those nights she was honestly boring as fuck!! Never bothered to revive the friendship. Don’t think of her that often as far as I know she still works the same job (retail) and pretty much did nothing with her life!

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 31/03/2022 22:01

[quote Porcupineintherough]@ChardonnaysPetDragon in which case, why would that person suddenly get back in touch? Weird as fuck.[/quote]
She was drunk, we've all drunk texted and drunk called someone we shouldn't have.

Taleas0ldastime · 31/03/2022 22:22

I cut contact with a friend recently. I was in a really bad place with my mental health, I had just had a bereavement and had a lot of other strss. I wasn't coping. I cut myself off from everyone but she's the only one I regret and feel bad about. I'm terrified to get in touch with her in case she rejects me. My mental health is still not good and this would just devastate me right now. I really hope one day I can speak to her and explain and apologise.

Flip

1 2 3