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Original poster

Have you ever got in touch with an old friend you fell out with?

67 replies

AbsentmindedWoman · 31/03/2022 06:20

I had a great friendship of over a decade, we were very close. Fell out oddly and stupidly years ago - frustrating because there wasn't even a row as such Confused We were just both in quite a bad place.

I tried contacting her a handful of times during the first year after the fall out, but she never replied. So I assume it was a bigger thing than I really knew about - that there was obviously a problem I was unaware of, and she didn't want to be friends, and that was that.

Once a year or so she crosses my mind and I hope she's doing well (which I'm sure she is) and it's just kinda wistful. I could never get in touch now, too long has passed and there's no way we could ever go back to the friendship. I'm grateful that we had the fun and laughs we did have, though Smile

These ghosts of friendship from the past are poignant.

Isn't it annoying and stupid sometimes how unfortunately things can work out, and you lose a friend you never thought you'd lose?

Has similar ever happened to you? Has anyone actually ever revived an old friendship?

OP posts:
Beautifulmonster87 · 31/03/2022 17:34

Depends… generally there’s a reason. I fell out with someone as she was negative and draining. Got back in touch as I felt guilty… told her why I found things hard and it’s gone back to negative and depressing .. wish I hadn’t bothered!

JenniferAlisonPhilipaSue · 31/03/2022 17:36

I often think about my old friends but I don't think things would be better if we were back in touch

Echobelly · 31/03/2022 17:42

No one I've fallen out with but one good school friend that drifted away and another who seemed to cut herself off from everyone she knew from school after a traumatic incident from what I heard.

I'd love to get back in touch, I dream about both of them now and then. I actually ran into the mum of first friend about 5 years ago, who told me she had (as I expected) married university sweetheart, and had I think 4 kids. But her mum specifically said she was not on social media and was going through a tough time at the moment in a tone that implied I shouldn't try to get back in touch with her, or certainly not then. Other friend has a very very common name, so pretty impossible to google, or of course may have got married and changed surname.

Vallmo47 · 31/03/2022 17:42

Yes recently a very dear friend completely ignored my message on a very difficult day for me (14 years since my mum had brain surgery which then caused her death). I’m sure she forgot what day it was for me and she’d been very supportive in past. I do miss her but she’s in a very bad place mentally and clearly I was adding to her overflowing glass, rather than being her friend. God knows I’ve fought for this friendship many times over the years and I’m tempted to keep fighting but there comes a point when I need to put myself first and ask myself … if she doesn’t want me in her life, why am I still fighting? I wish her well but support goes both ways and she needs to remember my feelings as much as I try to remember hers.
I am gutted but it happens I guess. :(

GrimDamnFanjo · 31/03/2022 17:48

I had a humdinger of a row with my bf. we didn't speak for two years. Then I messaged her and we just picked right up again.
We were both wrong and in the end I just missed her so much.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/03/2022 17:49

I dumped my best friend when she decided not to come to my 40th as 'it wasn't fun enough'

It was definitely low key (afternoon tea in a nice hotel near where we both lived)

She basically wanted to go up town and go drinking/dinner/nightclubbing I think - I went every year for her birthday doing that but I'd not bothered celebrating my birthday before but wanted to do something for my 40th

I'm still gobsmacked more than a decade later

I just never talked to her again - and she never called me

SisterRuth · 31/03/2022 17:59

I got in touch with a school friend that I wished I hadn't lost. I had undiagnosed mental health problems as a teenager, only properly diagnosed in my 30s. I treated all my friends badly even though I didn't understand why. Got back in touch last year & it couldn't have gone worse! She was polite but really didn't want to know. I was always scared that might happen but the world didn't end & I'm glad I made my apologies. Nowt else I can do.

Ftl6 · 31/03/2022 18:01

I had a best friend who really was like family from 14-18. In our final year of 6th form she got herself involved in a bad situation, and despite not agreeing with her actions, I still supported her. We left our hometown for different universities on good terms and still good friends, as far as i was concerned, but it became clear over time that she was seeing university as a fresh start with new friends after getting herself out of that bad situation. She rarely went back to our hometown and plans to visit each other at uni never came off. For the next 3 years contact slowly dwindled, as she would only communicate on her terms. Missed calls and unanswered messages, and then she’d get in contact weeks later. We saw each other a few times in the first year, and then maybe twice a year until the last time I saw her in person when we were 22. It felt normal, like we were still close friends, but she made excuses to leave early that evening and I’ve not seen her since.

In the years after there was sporadic contact, again all on her terms. It was usually when our hometown had been in the news or something. And then nothing for years. I guess we never fell out but the friendship did end because she didn’t want reminders of her old life. About 7 years after I last saw her, and probably 2-3 since last contact, I reached out to her on a private social media account to let her know I was getting married. I guess I was kind of testing the water, because I really liked the idea of that really close friend i once had being at my wedding, and I really hoped we could catch up now we were both older and more mature. The response I got was pleasant but very formal. There was no sign of our old friendship in it.

It’s coming up to 20 years since we both first left our hometown now, and I still miss the friend I had back then in some ways.

JustDanceAddict · 31/03/2022 18:05

My best friend from school from ages around 13-17 got back in touch in our mid-20s after we fell out in the upper sixth.
We did socialise again for a couple of years with our partners as well, but I realised we really didn’t have much in common any more and I let it slide.
I don’t really fall out with people but an old uni friend suddenly stopped contact about 18 years ago. We subsequently bumped into each other and it was all very friendly but we never pursued it - I never found out why she just dropped me (we were around 30).

JustDanceAddict · 31/03/2022 18:10

Oh and I also revived a friendship about 10 years ago. Hadn’t spoken to them for about 15 years properly (had seen them once in that time at an event), and we are back to being really good friends again. I really regret that we fell out and missed each others’ weddings etc.

LoadsOfNumbers · 31/03/2022 18:10

Yes, my best friend from school, halfway through uni while we were all home for summer. A drunken night out I can't remember but whatever I did or said resulted in her ghosting me. I have no doubt it was deserved but have never been able to remember or find out what I did. I made it worse by reacting badly and sending stupid angry messages I'm the aftermath which she understandably and reasonably never responded to. It's been 20 years. I don't drink to excess anymore, have had therapy and have a good life & career. But that loss lingers. About 10 years ago I sent her a Facebook message apologising for everything & wishing her well & stating I wasn't expecting a reply but letting her know I was sorry & wouldn't contact her again. I never did & I never will. But, my God, I miss her. I've never had a "best friend" since. I have lots of lovely friends but I keep everyone except DH at a distance in case I fuck up again. I never talk about it because I'm so ashamed and it hurts too much. It's a loss that reverberates throughout my life and I don't think I even realise its significance sometimes in how it has impacted my personal relationships.

HangOnToYourself · 31/03/2022 18:19

I had a similar fall out with no real row with a friend after uni, she moved away and we didnt speak for years. One day I was on a night out in a city where neither of us lived or visited frequently and completely by chance bumped into her as I was leaving the club. We reconnected almost immediately and I later introduced her to her husband and was bridesmaid at her wedding. She has kids now and I often think it's funny but for that completely coincidental meeting that day the kids would never have existed!
It was the right timing for us and we were both in a great place to reconnect, I hope you get that with your friend

Slimshady86 · 31/03/2022 18:33

My relationship with my best friend of over 20 years ended in 2019. We were so close, both single so spent lots of free time together, holidays, days out, shared a flat for a few years. I really thought we’d always be fiends for life. I’d never admitted to a soul I was gay so when I came out to her in 2019 I knew she’d be surprised but never in a million years expected the reaction - she said our friendship had been a lie, I’d lied to her all these years, broken her heart, it changed everything. It didn’t matter how much I told her that it had taken me so many years to accept it myself, I hadn’t told anyone at all, not something I’d just kept from her. Took massive offence that I’d been on match.com and hadn’t told her. It was as if I’d cheated on her or something.
Looking back, I think the friendship was probably too intense. We’ve been in touch with the odd happy birthday/ happy Christmas message but that’s about it, it could never/ will never go back to how it was. Hurt so much, it really did feel like the end of the world at the time. It’s now been replaced with indifference really, almost 3 years on is a long time.
Very sad though when you’ve been so close. Like you, I’m grateful for the times we had and she’ll often pop into my head, something will remind me of her.
Maybe all friendships just have a shelf life, I don’t know

curlii103 · 31/03/2022 18:34

I had a dream about someone and woke up really sad. Id never bother contacting though

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 31/03/2022 18:37

I fell out with a friend and then, a year or two later she called me out of the blue.

Drunk calling.

I wish she hadn't.

laloue · 31/03/2022 18:46

Yes, we fell out as sixteen year olds in the late eighties, having been inseparable for a few years. We think it was over a boy sigh. Met up recently after 30 years and now, Covid aside, we meet up every few months for a cackle and catch up. It’s lovely, we are quite different people, but I love having her in my life and I would miss her if I couldn’t bounce off her and have a giggle.

BrioNotBiro · 31/03/2022 18:52

A friend got back in touch with me after we fell out 20 years ago. It was so good and so easy to take up the friendship again. She died a few months later, she obviously knew her time was limited, and was reconnecting.

I'm so glad she did, but what a waste of the intervening years.

TarpaulinEyes · 31/03/2022 18:53

I have had two very major fallings out with friends over the years and cut the friendship. One is irreparable, I'm not fussed. Everyone warned me the person concerned was 'odd' and I ignored them then found out just how odd they were. The other person it has taken over 30 years to make contact again. We are friends on Facebook, look at each others photographs and like or comment on them. I don't want to meet them again or anything like that but do like the vague social media friendship we have. I would imagine they feel the same.

Pyewhacket · 31/03/2022 19:04

Yep, had a really good friend at school and right through university years. She was my bridesmaid when I got married and we kept in touch when I worked overseas. Then nothing. I've tried to call and have sent messages and text etc , but never had even a sniff of a reply.

Thing is I know where her parents live and I've thought of dropping in on the off-chance but never have.

Strange.

Daisy95 · 31/03/2022 19:08

Yes me and a close friend fell out on.
We didn't speak for a good 3 years and she also told half the story to all our mutual friends who mostly took her side so it was quite a rough time for me.

However I got in contact with her after a close relative of hers passed away who I know mean the world to her.
We've been friends ever since and met back up with our other two friends. However it's definitely not the same friendship, I would say it's quite surface level, more on my side than hers, don't know whether I'll fully trust her ever again if im honest. But enjoy seeing her

MrsGHarrison87 · 31/03/2022 19:09

I've had people get in touch that I've lost touch with and we've become friends again, but not people I've properly fell out with. And if you've already tried to no avail then I'd just leave it.

ProfYaffle · 31/03/2022 19:21

I have a few times. Agree with the comment about it being a bit Stephen King, it's never the same and you usually remember why things cooled in the first place.

JustLyra · 31/03/2022 19:23

Twice.

Once a friend fell out with me after demanding an apology. Wouldn't tell me what I'd done. Just said "You know" when I really didn't. She was sort of the lynchpin of the group of four so I lost contact with the other two in the end as well.
Then about five years ago she got in touch, after 12 years, aplogising. Apparently something had been said on a night out that really offended her. She thought it was me, but discovered 12 years later in a reminiscing chat with the others that it wasn't.
We had a bit of a catch up and there's the odd message between us, but it's not the same and it never will be.

Another friend and I have recently fixed our friendship. We had a falling out that was my fault while I was in the middle of counselling and dealing with my family being awful. She kept pushing and pushing me to go on a night out, she genuinely thought it would have been a good thing for me, but I ended up snapping. I called her a pushy bitch and said I was sick of controlling people (my eldest brother was abusive and controlling). She was very offended and we both did the "well she knows where I am thing".
One of her parents died of covid and I sent a card. She sent a message thanking me and we started chatting again from there. It's been lovely.

Porcupineintherough · 31/03/2022 19:28

No. Not quite the same but a friend who ghosted me 6 years ago got in touch recently suggesting that we go for coffee. I didnt respond- she really hurt me and I cant see us either chatting about that over coffee and it really would be the elephant in the room.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 31/03/2022 19:34

This thread made me go snoop on FB.

I was right, friendships die somethings, and it's the right thing to happen.

Swipe left for the next trending thread