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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Four year old at football match

80 replies

footballwidow1234 · 30/03/2022 13:06

DH is a lifelong supporter of a league 1 team. He goes to matches about once a month

He would like to go more but he has other hobbies that take place on Saturdays

We had a row this morning about his unavailability for family activity at weekends which has now prompted him to suggest he takes our recently turned 4 year old DD to a match in a couple of weeks time

Nice for me to have time to myself, they'd be gone all afternoon until about 6pm/6:30pm.

But, I dont think this is appropriate for a young pre schooler. Ive been myself so know what it's like. Not sure she would sit still for 90 mins but also, not ready for her to learn the C word just yet !

AIBU?

OP posts:

Kanaloa · 30/03/2022 13:39

Also it seems like he’s kind of getting the best of everything at the moment. His hobbies take up all of Saturday so he has no time to spend with his 4 year old so his answer is that he’ll do yet another activity he enjoys and just take dd to it. It seems like he’s not putting much thought into what she’d enjoy and how to spend quality time with her.

RJnomore1 · 30/03/2022 13:42

YABU, both my girls were going regularly to 60k seater stadiums from babies. The atmosphere and the food keeps them going. I think it’s nice to be part of something for them too. The oldest doesn’t go any more sbdxisnt too bothered but the 17yo still has her own season ticket.

WashedupTroll · 30/03/2022 13:42

Ear defenders can be really helpful

Original poster

footballwidow1234 · 30/03/2022 13:46

@Kanaloa

Yep!

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 30/03/2022 13:48

@MangoReinhardt

There will be lots her age in the family stand and the language tends to be a bit better.

Not at our local game. The language and behaviour is awful and even if it’s not right in the family stand it’s close enough to see and hear. If you trust your DH to keep your son safe and happy then it’s fine but my dc would have been cold and bored at that age

girlsyearapart · 30/03/2022 13:49

I have been watching games all my life in all different leagues.
One season our season tickets were next to a bloke who brought his kids every other time. So obviously because it was his ‘turn’
not for their benefit.
Super annoying getting up and down all
the time and not making any effort to engage / involve / explain to them
We all used to dread the weekends he brought them with him.
Not their fault at all. All his.
Just make sure your DH isn’t that person..

luxxlisbon · 30/03/2022 13:52

What’s wrong with doing an activity you enjoy and taking your child to it??
Some people just love to be a martyr about parenting, like if you aren’t doing something you dislike or finding it really hard then you aren’t parenting right.
Not every weekends needs to be at soft play.

Kids just like to spend time with their parents. She will remember having adventures with her dad, getting the train to a match, out for lunch etc and they will both enjoy themselves.

Original poster

footballwidow1234 · 30/03/2022 13:53

@Hoppinggreen

Daughter

No. Not hugely trusting of his attention to her wellbeing. Especially whilst indulging in his passion

OP posts:

Original poster

footballwidow1234 · 30/03/2022 13:55

@RJnomore1

Good to know. Thank you

OP posts:

Kanaloa · 30/03/2022 13:55

@luxxlisbon

Nothing wrong with taking your child to an activity you want to do while balancing it with activities that benefit them. Everything wrong with saying you have no time for spending with your family because your busy all weekend with your hobbies then when challenged on this saying you’ll take your preschooler to your hobby.

For example, I took my kids to the national gallery because I wanted to go. I expected them to behave so I could enjoy it. Also took them to a kid’s show and the science museum, rather than just dragging them round all the stuff I wanted to do. Doesn’t mean I was being a martyr, just considering them dd well as myself.

Quartz2208 · 30/03/2022 13:56

It really stands out that what is stopping him going more than once a month is other hobbies that he has.

I think he should try it and see how it works - it may actually get him to recognise what you would like him too - that it is hard work. Or she may enjoy it.

Or it will be a disaster where he gets caught up and doesnt pay her attention but at least you know

Kanaloa · 30/03/2022 13:56

And as for ‘not every weekend needs to be at soft play’ op has specifically said he is not available to do any family activities because he likes to spend the weekends on his hobbies. So it’s not like he’s doing things child appropriate and wants to go to football once.

Brainwave89 · 30/03/2022 13:58

Mine went with DH from about this age and still do. Some of the language can be choice but deal should be he sits in the family friendly stand. Also, if the child wants to come out (or more likely that he wants to go to the toilet), then these things need to take priority. Most clubs these days are very good with children (they like the mascots and other things they do for kids) so I would not be worried.

Shade17 · 30/03/2022 13:59

Our primary aged DD goes to a box at a Premiership team sometimes and enjoys it. I don’t think she’d sit through a whole match in the stands though.

Hoppinggreen · 30/03/2022 14:04

[quote footballwidow1234]@Hoppinggreen

Daughter

No. Not hugely trusting of his attention to her wellbeing. Especially whilst indulging in his passion [/quote]
Apologies
Whatever her sex they will probably be cold and bored though

Hoppinggreen · 30/03/2022 14:05

And if she needs a wee he will have to take her to the men’s toilet

Gilly12345 · 30/03/2022 14:09

It seems your DH wants to do his own thing on a regular basis, either with the football or his own hobbies.

Taking the 4 year old is him being selfish and carrying on with his own interests.

Does he take your children on weekends to their activities, family days out etc.

It sounds like a conversation about give and take/compromise is needed.

Benes · 30/03/2022 14:11

DH has been taking our DS to the football since he was about that age. No big deal although she may get bored and he might need to leave early but that's not your problem.
I couldn't get worked up about this.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 30/03/2022 14:15

I have amazing memories of going to Sunday football matches (league one team at the time) with my dad. All his friends spoilt me rotten. It probably was sweary and full of inappropriate chants but I don't think I noticed tbh. This was back in the 90's though.

incognitoforthisone · 30/03/2022 14:16

At most clubs at that level there is a 'family' area but even if there's not, a four-year-old won't come to any harm at a football match. I go to loads of football and there's often young kids there. Even if they don't have the attention span for the whole match, they usually seem quite happily playing on a phone if they get bored, plus there are snacks and drinks available. I'd have absolutely no concerns about him taking her. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to go again.

And if she needs a wee he will have to take her to the men’s toilet

You do realise dads all over the country take their daughters for days out without a woman present every single day without this being any kind of problem?

There are women's toilets at football grounds. If she isn't old enough to go into the women's toilets on her own, there will also be a unisex disabled toilet her father can take her into.

Bookworm20 · 30/03/2022 14:24

i think its fine if he is prepared to attend to her properly when she gets bored or fidgety (and at 4, if she isn't into football, she will be).

And as long as he recognises when he has to leave. he needs to be prepared for her hating it and needing to come home early. Its not exactly an exciting place for a young child who has no interest in the sport.

The language is a different thing. I'd hate it to be honest if mine were exposed to alot of that at that age. Different for the odd thing, but I've been to matches and there is alot of swearing. So thats something only you can decide if you're comfortable with.

Of course, she may go and love it and then he can take her every time!

But I've also seen the dads who look like they have to take the very young dc get very snappy with them when they don't just sit and shut up and watch. Usually ending in tears.

As an aside though, does he ever dedicate any saturday to something dd likes to do? Or is it all about him and his hobbies? if he has no interest in something she would like, it may give you an indication as to how he'll be with her at the football game.

Hoppinggreen · 30/03/2022 14:37

She’s 4
Of course she can’t go to the toilet on her own. He will have to take her into the men’s, which I imagine will be a bit grim and there would be men at urinals.
The disabled ones are an option but but really fair to disabled people who may be waiting to use them.
No idea what the answer is though

irishfarmer · 30/03/2022 14:39

Not football but my BIL brings my niece (his dd) to games, she is 4. I think she enjoys it, that's the report back anyway. Dsis gets time then with their 18mth DS.

I suppose so long as he pays attention to her and if she isn't enjoying it he bring her home early it should be fine. Also what are his other hobbies? He should be doing more family activities. My DH is a farmer and unless he is flat out Sundays are not for farming they are for doing something together.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/03/2022 14:53

So men can't take their daughters out on their own because they might have to take them to toilet??
Ffs👩‍🏫

AddictedtoCrunchies · 30/03/2022 14:55

My DS has been going since that age and he is now 14 with a season ticket. It started with lots of snacks and patience but as he got older that lessened. Now he has a bag of sweets and a bottle of coke.
We take him to away games too. Yes the language is fruity but he knows (and has always known) not to use it or join in. He hears worse in the playground as will your DD as she grows.
She might hate it but she might love it. I've been a fan of my local club and watching games for 32 years and am so glad me, DS and DH can go together.

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