Should I just suck up a party I dont want?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

I dont want to be 50 and would cheerfully let it slide, however in just over a year I am going to in fact become 50. I dont know why it bothers me, it just does!

But the kids want to do something for me (4 adult kids by then and 2 senior school age). I think that they would like to plan a party but I really dont want one! They have asked now so that they have time to plan, and I dont know what to say. A party would be the much cheaper option, but what I would prefer if anything is a nice family meal hosted by my parents or sister (so the kids will have help organising) but I know thats a lot to ask of them. A meal out is an option but as there would be 12 of us it would be very expensive and I am not in a position to pay for it.

There are two significant disabilities in the family and one milder disability so a day out would be problematic to arrange in a way that would suit everyone.

But I really want to give them this, as it obviously means a lot to them.

Should I just suck up the party? My conscience is telling me that I should just plaster on a smile as it would make them so happy.

If you can't say no and you're almost 50 - good luck to you.
Just tell them 'no', you don't want it and repeat that.

Tell them you would like a family meal out, and everyone pays for their own.

"Thanks darlings, but I'd prefer not to get a big crowd together while Covud is still with us. How about family drinks at my house?"

Oh god no I said no parties for my 40th it didn’t go down well got crap for presents to show me family weren’t pleased.

Oh god no I said no parties for my 40th it didn’t go down well got crap for presents to show me family weren’t pleased

That’s insane. I wouldn’t be wasting money on anyone with that kind of behaviour.

@DrBrennerFan

Oh god no I said no parties for my 40th it didn’t go down well got crap for presents to show me family weren’t pleased.

Thats awful! So your birthday really was about them not you?!

I am seeing DD at the weekend I will talk to her then.

A day out is not an option as I explained in my OP, but perhaps a family BBQ with a few of my closest friends would work.

A meal out is say £50. If everyone saved £1 a week, it's paid.

but what I would prefer if anything is a nice family meal hosted by my parents or sister

So tell them that. It's not difficult. Your birthday celebration should be about what you want, not about pleasing others.

Can you do something that would use Clubcard vouchers or similar? Like a family table at Zizzis or Bella Italia or something, and ask everyone to convert their vouchers? (Dang, I wish I’d thought of this a few months ago!) Some places have semi private areas for larger groups. I think you need to be clear with them that you’d prefer it to be a family celebration rather than a big party.

Yes my 40th was about them I said no so did my own thing.

@PyongyangKipperbang

I dont want to be 50 and would cheerfully let it slide, however in just over a year I am going to in fact become 50. I dont know why it bothers me, it just does!

But the kids want to do something for me (4 adult kids by then and 2 senior school age). I think that they would like to plan a party but I really dont want one! They have asked now so that they have time to plan, and I dont know what to say. A party would be the much cheaper option, but what I would prefer if anything is a nice family meal hosted by my parents or sister (so the kids will have help organising) but I know thats a lot to ask of them. A meal out is an option but as there would be 12 of us it would be very expensive and I am not in a position to pay for it.

There are two significant disabilities in the family and one milder disability so a day out would be problematic to arrange in a way that would suit everyone.

But I really want to give them this, as it obviously means a lot to them.

Should I just suck up the party? My conscience is telling me that I should just plaster on a smile as it would make them so happy.

I understand your perspectives but it's for the greater good

Why not have a meal out for the 12 of you and everyone pays for themself?
You could get a private room at a restaurant.