To think actually, parent's don't always know best ?

[chattycaterpillar]

Just talking to a friend really, and we've come to a conclusion that often, parent's do not do/ want the best for their kids. It just seems the consensus is always that "parents know what's best," but in a lot of real examples, they really don't:

• Refusing vaccines for their kids.
• Not allowing children to socialise with the opposite sex for "religious reasons."

-Home schooling and not allowing the children to socialise with others for religious reasons. -Telling their children if they are gay/ have a gay relationship they will be disowned/ go to hell.

These are just examples, but am I right in thinking that actually, with regards to issues such as vaccines, home education etc parents "rights," to "parental choice," often is put over children's rights to free and happy lives.

I’ve never heard anyone say parents always know best. Ever.

It’s the “your mummy you know best” about things like
Weaning too early, not going to the doctors, using cot bumpers etc
That I see more on a day to day basis

I agree with you OP.
I have always discussed things with my children and told them what I think and my reasons. Ultimately I say, it’s their decision.
Obviously when they were little it would be over whether to spend their money on a particular toy.
These days it’s weather or not they chose to have the vaccine, whether they believe in a particular religion and what subjects they wish to study

I think the examples you've used are extreme and I agree with you on that. But I think sometimes when you're given advice as standard by a health visitor, you don't have to do everything by the book and can decide for yourself because as a parent you need to be capable of making decisions about your child. Things like knowing your child is ready to wean a few weeks earlier than recommended, knowing your child is ill, deciding whether to swaddle etc.

• Whether

Parents make the best decisions they can when armed with information available and there's still a need to comply with society. We all have a social responsibility

Being a parent is tough, life is tough.
Choice your tough 💐

I think it's important for parents to listen to experts. However, parenting is hard and noone is going to get it right all the time, and I don't think it's helpful to take a woman's power away and tell her her instincts are useless, she knows nothing, everyone knows better than her etc. We have all had plenty of flaws in our upbringing and most of us turned out some form of ok.

In the case of antivax etc, I save my contempt for the antivaxxers pushing their theories forward in the media, not confused parents trying to do their best, who I believe deserve our empathy.

But you come across with the tone that you know what's best for other people's children. I would agree with every point except home education. Not sure how home education can be harmful to children if they are provided an education at home. Hardly on par with being unvaccinated

I believe the majority of parents try to do their best for their children. Sometimes they get it wrong.

Its a bit of mixture of points in your OP. Religious extremism is very different to making a different medical decision (especially with vaccination, where vaccination damage is an actual risk which has to be balanced with health outcomes) or home education for ideological reasons vs a child severely unhappy in school.

I know my children best but that doesn’t mean I always know best.

I think it’s worth encouraging parents to have confidence in their beliefs while simultaneously being aware that our own history/ experiences/ bias can colour our viewpoint and we can make bad decisions.

You're right. What about the reverse that was on here yesterday - the 'woman' posting about her step-daughter whose mum had died.

That father didn't do what was best for his daughter.

Loads of parents don't. I see and hear about it all the time.

I think a lot of the time it just means that the parent usually knows the child and their situation best, I don’t think it’s ever meant that parents are experts in every situation.

Is it really ‘parents know best’ or is it more ‘parents have the legal right to decide’.
If you don’t let parents decide on things like medical treatment, who should decide?

Some of what you're saying is right but in some ways none of us actually know what's best.

You've used a few examples that refer to religious reasons which is strange. I've never heard of a single parent homeschool for religious reasons or not allow their young children friends of the opposite sex for religious reasons.

But what's to say homeschooling isn't best?
What if we're keeping our kids healthy with childhood vaccines but diseases won't keep mutating and will be more aggressive and awful in the long run, because we're vaccinating against them now. Maybe in 150 years our great, great grand children will be fighting a new extreme case of measles.
What if hell is real and we will go there?

We're all just doing what we think is best. None of us know what actually is.

Homeschooling?

Schools are not an appropriate form of education for many children. Especially for children like mine who have SEN needs that cannot be met in schools due to appalling SEN policies and schools to meet their needs.

Many children without or without SEN receive brilliant educations at home which meet their skills and abilities. School is not the only way to educate a child, nor is it the best for many.

many children with or without SEN

This kind of saying is always trotted out to defend poor parenting. IMO the number of screwed up adults out there is a strong indicator that no, parents don't always know best.

Depends on the parent, doesn't it? Some havn't a clue and will give bad advice/do stupid thing, so in their case, no, they don't know best.

But, most will have the knowledge, experience and intelligence and will usually know best!

It's knowledge and wisdom that comes through experience that underpins good advice!

Well of course parents don't always know best. Some parents are stupid, bigoted, irresponsible or abusive. Adults don't always know what's for the best or act for the best, and becoming a parent doesn't magically change that.

I hate the phrase too....I work in Child Protection so mummy definitely doesn't always know best.

You see it a lot in medical scenarios, the child has been dragged to the doctors multiple times and there’s nowt wrong with them, but people say ‘mummy knows best’ and suggest A&E or something equally daft

Parents know their children best so are likely to be the best placed person to make a decision about them.

Your examples are quite bizarre.

Parents are the ones on the ground dealing with day-to-day care of their children. They have to take 'best practice' and translate it into lived experience within the context within which they live and parent. Naturally that may result in something less than ideal but it's not necessarily grounds for interfering so long as the parents genuinely have their children's interests at heart.

Take safe sleep guidelines for example. Of course it is best for baby to put them down to sleep on a clear, flat surface with no loose pillows or blankets rather than co-sleep or use those baby nest things. The problem comes when you have a baby who just won't sleep that way, you're hallucinating with tiredness and keep falling asleep on the sofa while feeding and you have to drive your other children to school the next day.

On one of your examples, if you are bringing your children up in a community where fraternisation between the sexes is strictly restricted, you are going to view it as being in your children's interests to follow the rules so your family aren't ostracised by the community.

Likewise, all vaccines involve an element of risk. Some people unfortunately died from the AZ vaccine. Most people look at the risks involved and are prepared to accept them for the benefits they bring, but should we really call those who make a different risk assessment for their children 'stupid'?

@Lastqueenofscotland

It’s the “your mummy you know best” about things like Weaning too early, not going to the doctors, using cot bumpers etc That I see more on a day to day basis

Yes, this is the thin edge of the wedge though, isn’t it?

Then there’s the more extreme situations like Charlie Gard’s parents v. Great Ormond Street.

That’s too much of a generalisation. Going by the examples you’ve used, of course extremists/religious fanatics are not going to always have their childrens best interests at heart. I don’t think you can entirely dismiss parental instincts though in favour of ‘experts’ opinions. When it comes to educational or medical matters, the advice is usually based on what the parents have told them what they think is going on. I’ve had to take two of my children to hospital as young babies, both were misdiagnosed and sent home. Both times I’d brought them back the same day as I felt something was wrong and wasn’t happy. If I hadn’t have brought dd back she 100% would have died. I was told not to bring ds back but when I did he was so sick he ended up on a ventilator for 2 weeks. Sometimes parents do know best