Yes I know IABU

[SoSallycanwaitcanshe]

And probably bitter.
Am so fed up. The gap between me and friends situation is widening as we are coming into the stage where inheritances are happening. DP and I not only won’t inherit anything we have had to take out a second mortgage to buy a place for a sick parent who was being put through a no fault eviction because there weren’t any available council properties that were even vaguely suitable/no one would touch them for new private rental as a sick pensioner even with us as guarantors/ our place is in no way appropriate for their needs. At the same friends are getting big - 500k+ In some cases inheritances from extended relatives. I know IABU but it just feels bloody unfair.

Hmmm

@PacificState

I think it's harsh to say someone can't express a sense of frustration about inheritance and inherited wealth. OP obviously doesn't mean that money is more important than family. She's frustrated that some families are rich and some aren't.

It’s the way it’s expressed. The op will habe had enough disposable income that she could take out a second mortgage and buy a second house. Very few people are in that bracket. And she will have went through signficant affordability checks before she bought.

So sure she’s jealous someone’s inherited but she can just say that.

I think it's fair enough to be annoyed. You're both losing a loved one, the only difference is they get a load of cash they've not had to work for and you don't.

It’s a non standard construction. It’ll depreciate not appreciate. Wonder how many of the peeps criticising will get a decent chunk coming their way. Anyway

@SoSallycanwaitcanshe

It’s a non standard construction. It’ll depreciate not appreciate. Wonder how many of the peeps criticising will get a decent chunk coming their way. Anyway

As I said, I pay my mum’s mortgage. So yeah, I guess I’ll get that if it doesn’t go on care fees.

Yeah, ready I get you

Kinell. I've seen some mercenary shit on this site but this beats all.

This thread is the pits.

"a decent chunk..." What a nasty heart you have

@SoSallycanwaitcanshe

All bar one of my rellies ARE dead. The other is alive who I’m supporting. The place will end up be defaulted back to the bank in all likelihood. Just limping from month to month.

Give your head a wobble and just stop

The bank would not have allowed a mortgage even a second one if you couldn’t prove you could repay it

You have two properties you own, ok it may not be cash in hand like those inheriting, but it would be interesting to know if they could afford two properties, without any inheritance

The properties are likely to go up in value, probably more than any investment they may make with an inheritance , unless they buy to rent. Your ‘inheritance’ comes when you eventually sell your second property,

You are in a far better situation than millions of others in this country, focus on that

If you can afford to have secured 2 mortgages on 2 different properties then I'm sorry but you are hardly on the breadline.

If you are left with only
£50pcm disposable income then you need to take a long hard look at your finances and spending habits.

I am a single mum. I am lucky/devastated that uncle dying afforded me a deposit to buy my own house. I can assure you that I would far rather he be alive.

That said I do understand to a point. I have friends who have a much nicer lifestyle than I do, don't work or only in part time school hours only roles. They scoff a bit when I can't do things as I can't afford to or when I say we can't join in during the school break as I am at work and dd is in childcare or with family looking after her. It is a sad state of affairs that life has become so bloody expensive that we are comparing ourselves disparagingly to others.

But ultimately there will always be some who have more and some who have less. You cannot change that. You cam only change your attitude towards it.

A decent chunk? Op I think you’re letting your jealousy get the better of you. It’s just going to eat you up and is only causing you pain.

How did you get a mortgage on a non standard construction, depreciating, second property with a disposable income post mortgages of £50pm?!

Your complaint boils down to some people have richer parents than you - which is true. Some people have abusive parents, or no parents at all. You seem to have done ok for yourself regardless.

You are jealous of your friends yet have 2 mortgages? You don't sound like you are doing too badly yourself. Just because you aren't getting 3 or 4 figure sum inheritances doesn't make you hard up. Count your blessings.

There will always be people who have more than you but try and look at what you have

There's people sleeping in doorways tonight

I think the totally crazy and unfair system we have for looking after older people's health and care needs drives a huge amount of unspoken resentment tbh. This is the Internet, people get wound up about much sillier stuff. If the OP feels she's forced to pour all her ready cash into her mother's care/needs while other people get given big sums (not through their own hard work or whatever) then I can see how that would massively piss you off. Watching a loved parent decline while also waving goodbye to all your money is enough to send a lot of people round the twist.

People are far too interested in inheritances that it’s sickening. You are not entitled to that money, it isn’t yours to be owed. Many, many people would give all that money back & then some just to have their relative back again.

This is so weird.

I’m glad you’re not inheriting. Your entitled attitude is a disgrace.

Any inheritance represents huge unearned wealth. It (typically) most advantages those who already enjoyed advantages from having parent(s) with money - like a better education, extra-curricula activities, more opportunities, etc etc.

Whilst those born into less-well off families will have fewer opportunities, little financial suppprt, then frequently have to support aging parents who otherwise wouldn’t receive adequate care nor have adequate pensions.

Massive issues re: social mobility and disparities like this don’t help!

Obviously wishing someone would die & leave you loads of money is awful attitude. And there are far far greater injustices.

This isn’t going to make you feel better. Try to focus on what you’ve got and how lucky you are to be able to help your ill family member.

That crown of entitlement must be so heavy.

OPS comments have actually made me feel quite sick. 'Unfair' ... laughable.

Hmmm. I’m drowning in debt to do the right thing and can’t express my frustration at friends on the other side? Ok. Wonder how many outraged voices will be the ones expecting inheritances themselves and so have no idea of what it feels like?

@ReadyToMoveIt

So… you’d rather your relatives were dead?

I always find this sort of argument odd, ready is not the only poster to make it.

It implies that the op not inheriting means that there won't be a death - which is clearly bollocks. They will suffer the losses at some stage and also not inherit. There is still disparity between them and their peers. Whilst I think no one has a right to an inheritance it does happen for a lot of people and it is not unreasonable to recognise that can lead to people being in different positions.

Sounds like you need some poor new friends