partner's ex spends nights at his house

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Hi, advice appreciated: I have been with my current partner for two years. He has two adult children (29 and 23). The ex-wife of my partner walked out on him over 7 years ago, and she has re-married. They both are very close to their children (too close, IMO, which is another problem), and go out for meals as a family, and spend key festivities together. On occasion, my partner's ex-wife spends the night at his house, sleeping in another bedroom (so I am told).

I joined them last X-mas, but the daughter went crazy that I spent the night at my partner's house and nobody (except me haha) slept that night because of the massive tantrum she threw. They are now having family therapy, and I cannot come to my partner's house when the daughter is around.

My partner assures me that he has no feeling for his ex-wife and assures me that he loves me, but says that family unity is important for him.

I am not a jealous person, but fair to say I am pissed off. I met up with an ex last weekend, as friends, and my partner went nuts with jealousy and didn't sleep half the night.

I want to give them time to sort out their family issues, particulary with the daughter, but I wonder how long to wait?

Don't wait.

At all.

They are having family therapy because their father has a new partner 7 years after his wife left him and remarried?

I'd run for the hills. There must be someone out there with less baggage than a fully loaded jumbo jet.

There is no way this is what you want your life to be!

@fromagreatheight

Don't wait.

At all.

Love it when the first reply nails it! It doesn’t matter how he gets on with a ex, or what his daughter thinks about it. He had a go at you for meeting your friend. Just dump him already. Respect yourself.

You need to go your separate ways.

While you’re both spending nights with exes and morning that parents are too close to their children your relationship doesn’t stand a chance.

YABU in thinking that this will change.

Run, OP. This will never be solved, they all sound bonkers and self-obsessed

Absolutely nuts. I couldn’t put up with that weird drama. Awful adults kids aswell

Wait? Why are they having family therapy when she left 7 years ago, she had remarried and the "children" are all adults?

And a 20-something threw such a tantrum they kept people up all night?

Why on earth do you want to be a part of this madness?

You want to wait?

You need to run a mile from this shit show.

What a bizarre set up. Doesn’t sound worth the hassle OP. I certainly wouldn’t be sticking around whilst they are all so enmeshed.

I invite you to reference my username.

Rid yourself of him and this enmeshed fuckery.

You can't go to his house as his grown up daughter has tantrums and he has.his ex over to stay the night but goes off his ridiculous tits if you meet up with an ex yourself.

Point all this out and tell him to fuck off.

That's the strangest set up ever if the mother has actually remarried, you really weren't the "other woman" and the children are really 29 and 23 not 19 and 13 - is she sending her husband away when the adult children visit, or is all "family" socialising done at the father's house?

Honestly it sounds as though they're still together or the adult children think they're getting back together - are you sure the mother is currently married and living full time with a new husband (one who isn't your partner!)?

Wow, well, the days out together aren't necessarily bad, but the tantrum from an adult while you were there to hear it.............. I wouldn't stick around to put up with that.

I don't blame your bf for wanting to try and keep a family unit going though. He doesn't see it as romantic so he doesn't see it as upsetting to you. He wants you to just accept that it's separate from you. He gets that. His x gets that (she left him!) but the adult daughter doesn't get it.

How much is she in your life?

Here are the keys to my jet OP. Get in it and get gone..Fast.

Forget them and think of yourself. Do you choose them? A family so emeshed in drama they haven't dealt with a seven year old breakup? An adult child incapable of separating herself from her father's intimate relationship?

I really think they are not good enough for you. You sound reasonable, patient and understanding.

Your partner on the other hand expects far too much from you and thinks he's entitled to throw a tantrum about your ex.

Fooooooook that

Run don't walk

I don't think that the ex staying over is a big deal if I'm honest if there is good reason for it. My DP stays at his daughters mums house occasionally as we live 200 miles away and it means he gets to spend time with his daughter. There is nothing wrong woth that, it's not a sexual relationship and I am not worried about it. The daughter in your situation sounds a nightmare. That part I'd be worried about. And the jealousy.

Why does his ex wife need to stay the night at his house?

Does the adult daughter have a constant tantrum because her DM has a new husband?

This is a bonkers situation and I would NOT be putting up with this shite. Get your running shoes on and head for them hills OP!

NOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..................................................

Honestly this sounds messy, I’d just get out now.
He’s not going to be the way you want him to be.

Way, way too much baggage. Tell him to sort his life out before wasting anybody else's time.