accident/safety - am I ott?

[louvrenew2]

I'm totally willing to be told I'm in the wrong here, I really don't know.

Over lockdown my DP got into cooking very complex things, unusual ingredients/techniques and he bought himself a selection of pans and dishes to experiment around with.

There is one dish he has which is HUGE.

Yesterday he was cooking something, I then hear this enormous crash.

I go into the kitchen and there is this enormous dish smashed apart all over the hob and the floor. Still buzzing and sizzling in the heat.

I said, very calmly, it's OK, just come away from it now. My only concern was if he was injured and then to prevent him getting injured. The pieces were enormous and very thick. I'm talking like the length of your forearm and hand. He's there picking at them as they're still clearly very hot.

He asked me if we could eat the food from the dish. I was like no...it's covered in broken glass, some bits may be too small to see. He did accept this but the fact he asked concerned me, we're not young btw, no kids in the home.

As we were cleaning up I asked him not to move things around because bits of glass could be transferred and he kicked off and said I was trying to be horrible and punish him for a mistake. I wasn't. I was just trying to sort it out. I was not angry at all.

Bear in mind this wasn't a wine glass or something, this dish was massive. It had shattered, not broken, there were tiny bits of glass everywhere. How he didn't get hurt I don't know.

I suggested we get a takeaway so we didn't have to use the cooker. Apparently I was making a big deal over nothing.

He then got a call from his (male if it matters) friend and mentioned what had happened and they said "oh, takeaway tonight then" so after that all of a sudden he is OK with a takeaway.

I cleaned up (so did he) and this morning we still spotted some shards of glass around because there was so much from this giant dish.

That's why I wanted to be sure it had all been cleaned up and to just get a takeaway so we didn't accidentally transfer a shard of it into food, we got all the big bits obviously.

I just find his lackadaisical attitude so shocking.

I also think he had no idea that this particular dish was not suitable for what he was using it for and in future he should take that more seriously.

yabu - It's not a big deal.

yanbu - DP needs to take things more seriously.

You are making a big deal

@Booboobibles That's what concerned me, got it in one.

What’s the worst that could have happened to him? He would pick a hot piece up, say “ouch” and maybe cut his finger slightly.

No need for all the “calm” instructions to move away and the dramatics about being worried about the person you care about. He’s picking up broken glass, not doing extreme sports.

Mountain out of a molehill. I did have to go back and check you didn't mean DS and that he was 6yo. Very odd.

I'm imagining you're Mary and Giles from Gogglebox.

OP I think you and DH are similar. He is so paranoid with broken glass. If I clean up, he doesn't trust me to do a good enough job and comes along afterwards and redoes it. Drives me absolutely crazy.

Sounds to me though like you thought he was careless. that frankly, him smashing this plate wasn't exactly a surprise to you. And perhaps the fact that you were still finding glass the next day suggests that neither of you did a particularly good job of cleaning up on the day. I did have to accept that glass goes further than I expect when me NOT cleaning to DH's standards after a broken plate led me to spot a few largish pieces, on the other side of the room, the following day (and I do now clean up more widely ).

I fully agree with you OP. I worked in food for years and physical contamination is basic food safety. If he's going to "get into cooking" he has to take an interest in the boring bits like not killing people by transferring bits of broken glass into other dishes.

I had to read the first post several times because I was confused about whether DP was a typo and it should be DS or DD.

Not sure why people assume OP's DH is remotely competent in the kitchen.
By OP's description alone, he sounds like a bumbling fool.
Maybe that's an exaggeration, maybe not. We weren't there. OP was.

People are randomly jumping in the man's defense assuming he must be at least vaguely competent, but that really isn't a given. Some adults are genuinely hopeless when it comes to dealing safely with practical matters.

It reads like your young child has just started making some basic dishes for themselves, and you’ve had to come in to take charge of the child who is trying something beyond their reach. I’m not surprised he doesn’t want to be treated like that.

If he’s often unsafe then perhaps you feel the need to be over cautious to counteract it which I get, but it does seems a bit over zealous, talking about him picking things up that are hot - surely he knows best if his skin is burning?

@PeekabooAtheZoo Thanks, thought I might be crazy reading some of these responses. I used to work with food at one point and even though I was serving, not cooking, it was always drummed into me that if you even think anything might be wrong it doesn't get put in front of someone.

Actually a few years ago DP got served mash with broken glass in it, confirmed by management of the place we went to. So it's not like he doesn't know these things can happen.

Tbh if I had "a young child" surrounded by and picking at foot long pieces of burning hot glass my reaction would have been stronger than just saying leave it for ten minutes to cool down.

I think people also missed the part about the fact he considered eating the food which obviously got me worried right off the bat.

Anyway, I need to chill out, he needs to be more careful. Job done, thanks all.

Just to say, sometimes my DH can be a bit full on about taking charge of situations, as though I don’t know how to cope.
And as a result I find when he’s there I actually don’t know how to cope. It’s like I stop thinking and I ask him how to do things or leave him to sort things that if I was on my own I’d know - for example not to eat the food with glass in! But I could see myself deferring the decision to him if I was in this situation. If he wasn’t there I’d never eat it. But I wouldnt even try to decide for myself if he was there, I’d just ask him what he thinks, because I know he already has a strong opinion so it’s like it’s not worth my time thinking about even for a millisecond.

It’s something we’re working on, neither of us are doing it because we’re domineering / an idiot but it’s just a weird dynamic that accidentally developed.
Just thought it could be worth considering if that’s what’s happening here.

I imagine he was disappointed not lackadaisical. It’s really easy to see a situation from the outside when you just walk in , but he’s been involved with it and was looking forward to eating the food That he’d been creating.

If I’ve done something silly the last thing I want is somebody fussing over me and the situation. I know you don’t feel like you we’re fussing, but from a disappointed ,embarrassed point of view that’s what it feels like.

My husband faffs and makes a big production when something gets smashed, he is scared that the cats will step in it. I just leave him to it.

@Cluelessmouse I understand what you mean, my family are very full on in that way and I know just what you mean about deferring and not knowing what to do without someone there saying it.

The thing with my DP is that he sometimes just ignores dangerous things. He went on holiday with a friend and they had to stop him walking into a really dangerous situation. He isn't stupid, he just sometimes disconnects totally and so I suppose I might overcompensate for that at times. However there's probably a better way for me to respond to that! Something to think about. Have a great day

@Ohyesiam That makes sense, I know he was disappointed, not just for the food but breaking the dish. I'll try to keep that in mind going forward.

I’m not saying eat glass but if you make a big fuss then likely he will be feeling a bit “told off” and it was perfectly possible that evening to cook again - if you wanted to.

I suspect more than anything, he was just rattled and upset.

What would he have done if you'd not been there?

I imagine he'd probably have just taken a quiet minute to just stand there and process. A huge crash to you, was an absolutely MASSIVE one to him, and just standing in place for a moment to process wouldn't have caused any issue.

But you were immediately there, issuing commands "come here, stop that, do that etc etc." It would have been quite overwhelming.

Accidents happen. Not the end of the world.

I'm more interested in how you have a serving dish that is so large pieces of it are as big as an arm.....

That's not really fair @zingally I didn't run in screaming or anything and I think you're exaggerating with all of the issuing commands, I just issued the one because I wanted him to stop touching the hot glass with his bare hands and to take a minute to let it cool down. Sure accidents happen but I didn't want him to cut himself. I've had an accident with glass before and I know how badly you can hurt yourself without even really knowing it, not just a little nick but a laceration.

That said, I get that I went over the top and I could have handled it better. I totally take your point on my making it more overwhelming, that's what I did. I'm probably a bit ott in general and need to tone that down.

I wanted to help but I made it worse, I see that now.

@SexyLittleNosferatu Haha, it is (was) very large, both height and length and really thick also. So there were huge, curved pieces and then a big covering of shards. He bought it because he felt certain meals could be made better in it. I guess I labored the point there but I wanted to get across that I wouldn't react that way if it was a little bit of glass rather than that much.

It's just that when you see someone you care about picking at very hot pieces of glass the size of your arm it can freak you out a bit

Oh OP, you do sound overly dramatic I’m afraid. And like you think he’s a ludicrous doorknob of a person with a callous disregard for human safety.

I must ask, just how big is was this enormous dish??

@Herejustforthisone The dish length was around elbow to end of hand length. I can't measure it because it's knackered and disposed of. Height...er...maybe 10 inches. Depth maybe around 15 inches. Just guessing. To me that's a big dish.

I sympathise! I have both my elderly parents at home & my dad is a clumsy oaf! Regularly breaking cups/ plates/ glasses then says he's cleared it up!
I then find bits of crockery & glass under chairs, on the rug etc & we have dogs! So he gets grumpy that I'm 'telling him off'. No, I'm saving the dogs from cut paws! 😆🤦🏼‍♀️