I know IABU about his holiday - help me not be!

[pinkteddy100]

Me and dp have been together two years. We've been talking about going on our first holiday in May to his home country for agesss and we're ready to book this. He's now said his parents are going in two weeks and he's going to go with them and stay there for two weeks then come back - and a month later we both go together.

I feel disappointed and I know it's unreasonable as he is free to do what he wants but I feel like:

1. We are going away a month later and it's not an emergency
2. Why would you want to leave me voluntarily for two weeks to holiday with your family rather than me..?
3. He has got savings but is very tight, I somehow can't see him booking to go twice. It's around £1k for flights. He assured me he would.
4. This guy hasn't left the country in five years but now has to go twice in two months..

I just don't get it...I know I'm being unreasonable, he's his own person but I'm going to miss him a lot. I have a child so can't go during term time. I feel like I'm not an actual part of his family and a bit disposable. This is our first holiday together and first holiday since covid and I wanted us to experience that together.

I don't want to be a misery guts but already, I don't want him to be staying over at mine all week because I'd rather get used to him not being around! I'm feeling mopey! Someone talk some sense into me pls. I don't want to be that controlling, jealous girlfriend but I think I am a bit

@BloodyloveGeorge

You sound exhausting.

how have you reached that?

In my world, a so called savings addiction would be termed “tight as a duck’s arse” - a hideously unattractive trait.

@HollowTalk

Hang on a minute.

So this man lives with his parents and doesn't pay rent, then comes to stay with you and doesn't pay for anything, either? And he has £200K in savings. He tells you how expensive petrol is as a means of avoiding giving you any money for bills and food.

Do you really want to be with a man like this? He's absolutely using you - can't you see that? He's using his parents, too. I imagine that if he has to pay for this trip he will be using the people he stays with and his own parents so that he doesn't have to pay a penny.

How on earth can you feel attraction towards this man?

You do realised that every £1 you spend on his comes from money you could spend on your children? You sound as though you don't have a lot of spare money, but you are giving him money every week in food and heating bills.

He's managing to live without spending a penny. Don't collaborate with him over this, OP. It's a terrible thing that he's doing.

Really, this! He sounds utterly miserable.

A) YAB clingy and unreasonable

B) don’t waste time on a tight man. Just don’t. You’ll be back here in a year with a whole load more nonsense.

[quote pinkteddy100]@mynameisjune

Ugh, his savings habit is honestly exhausting. I'm a single mum and I have to work very hard to afford everything as get no help from dad and I always feel guilt tripped that he can't afford things but really he has over £200k stashed away. You'd never think it though by the way he acts!
We are financially independent and he doesn't contribute so he can continue saving - and going on holidays I do have my own savings btw - just can't take out for now! [/quote]
Why would you put up with this? How can you love someone who resents petrol costs to see you.

Have some self respect. Please.

I bet his parents are paying for the trip, snd he will get free family accommodation.

Sit him down and book a different hol for you and him. I presume you will each cover your own costs for that? You don’t need to go somewhere that costs £k in flights!

I wouldn't be planning a two week holiday without him when we have already made plans!

But you didn't make plans to go away with him for those two weeks. You made plans to go with him a month later, and those plans have not been cancelled. His solo trip doesn't affect your joint holiday plans.

I don't understand why it's a big deal to be away from someone for two weeks, or why it's an issue for him to take one holiday with his parents and then another one with you.

@incognitoforthisone

I wouldn't be planning a two week holiday without him when we have already made plans!

But you didn't make plans to go away with him for those two weeks. You made plans to go with him a month later, and those plans have not been cancelled. His solo trip doesn't affect your joint holiday plans.

I don't understand why it's a big deal to be away from someone for two weeks, or why it's an issue for him to take one holiday with his parents and then another one with you.

There is no way he's taking the OP to his home country.

Have you met his parents OP?

he will pay but I end up feeling bad so I always send him half and now, because it suits him, he can take out £2000 to go on two holidays. He normally stays at my house and doesn't really contribute but because

Being on the same page with finances, whether saving or spending is IMO one of the most important things ever and one of the things most likely to go wrong.

My DH is more likely to spend day to day while I prefer to save up and then splurge on something I could not otherwise afford to do. It's easy enough to make it work, you do just need to make sure that it works out fair.

Easy for you to fall into the habit on subbing him in small things which is then unfair if his splurge doesn't include you.

It sounds as if he might be happy for you to pay for things and then not include you in his 'treats'. Is he joining his parent's holiday because they are paying ?

Is he going to pay at least his share of your joint holiday ?

How long have you been together?
Do you live together?

I'm not sure how to word this...There's something wrong with you OP. It isn't healthy to feel disappointed that a boyfriend wants to leave you to go on a family holiday.

He doesn’t contribute??? WTF???

So you’re paying his share of domestic costs and he’s able to have an extra holiday? Imagine if he paid his share! Then perhaps you’d have some spare cash for a second holiday. No wonder you’re pissed off.