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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU but how can I be rid of this ridiculous bizarre limerance??

42 replies

FlippingRidiculous · 27/03/2022 23:33

This is actually so embarrassing to admit Blush

I'm interested in true crime and a while back I came across a now-deceased killer that I hadn't heard of before. I became obsessed with his history and became hell-bent on knowing everything there is to know, which does happen to me sometimes with certain subjects (yes, suspected ADHD traits). Except instead of the obsession fading, it got right under my skin and developed into a totally ridiculous and humiliating limerance type thing (is it limerance if they're dead??).

It's so bizarre because I am absolutely disgusted and horrified by his crimes, but then my brain is like 'oh but if he met you before his crimes, you would have saved him and life would be like this insert fantasy here'

I feel annoyed that he takes up so much of my headspace, and also feel very guilty to even be entertaining thoughts like this about such a vile person.

I am vaguely aware of hibristophillia but don't think this fully fits as I am horrified by his crimes etc.

How can I stop this please??? It's going on for about 6 months now 🙈

OP posts:
DogMum3107 · 27/03/2022 23:56

Who is it?

Original poster
FlippingRidiculous · 28/03/2022 00:05

I don't really want to say (as it is so embarrassing), but I will say that it isn't any of the usual Ted Bundy/Ian Brady suspects.

The guy in question did some very twisted and abhorrent things though, as did the two named above, so I don't think it matters really.

He isn't even remotely physically attractive either.

Wtf brain???!

OP posts:
steff13 · 28/03/2022 00:07

Is it PeeWee Gaskin? Or Richard Ramirez? If it's Richard Ramirez I kind of get it because of the cheekbones.

Underfrighter · 28/03/2022 00:11

Hi OP

If you get obsessed by certain subjects regularly I'd be content in the knowledge that this will pass. There will be a point where you've 'mastered' it eg know all you can possibly know and it will gradually be replaced by something else

DogMum3107 · 28/03/2022 00:12

I only ask as I am a True Crime fanatic and I am just curious.

I refuse to watch the Ted Bundy Netflix Series with Zac Efron as I'm scared I will then fancy Ted Bundy 😂

steff13 · 28/03/2022 00:14

I've always felt a little sorry for Richard Chase because he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and he was okay when he was on his medication. But then when he would be released from the hospital and his parents would wean him off the medication because they thought he didn't need it. He had a lot of delusions that I imagine made life difficult, and I think his parents have some culpability there as well.

DoucheCanoe · 28/03/2022 00:17

I do this too but not necessarily with serial killers.

I'm also fascinated by the psychology of criminal behaviour and want to know who it is too!

Original poster
FlippingRidiculous · 28/03/2022 00:18

Pmsl at Richard Ramirez's cheekbones though I won't lie, I've noticed they are catwalk worthy 😂

Dog it's Israel Keyes (so mortifying to even write that down) Blush

underfrighter yes that's exactly what I thought in the beginning, except it's 6 months on now and no sign of disappearing Sad My phases normally last a month or two at most, and they never get this much under my skin 🙈

I'm perplexed at the bizarreness of it all!

OP posts:
Monty27 · 28/03/2022 00:18

I felt weird reading the book about Nilson. I get what you're saying OP. It's about bureaucracy, efficiency, or more to the point investigative inefficiency, and justice. Ultimately justice. It's a dark world I feel enticed into at times.

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/03/2022 00:20

This is classic shadow self stuff. A part of you - your animus - is suppressed and you’ve become obsessed with someone who followed their urges without restraint, however repugnant. Something in you longs for release/expression. I don’t mean you have murderous urges - necessarily - just that perhaps it’s a reflection of your own repression.

Maybe Grin

Original poster
FlippingRidiculous · 28/03/2022 00:22

Ooh Atrocious I like that, it sounds a lot better than saying I have a crush on a perverted murdering dead guy too!

OP posts:
steff13 · 28/03/2022 00:23

Pmsl at Richard Ramirez's cheekbones

His teeth were jacked up, though. And the murdering. He's one of many serial killers who suffered a severe head injury as a child. It's interesting.

I have a book about Israel Keyes on my pile to read but I haven't read it yet

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/03/2022 00:24

@FlippingRidiculous

Ooh Atrocious I like that, it sounds a lot better than saying I have a crush on a perverted murdering dead guy too!
😂
DoucheCanoe · 28/03/2022 00:25

Have you listened to the interview tapes?

I think it was True Crime Garage that played some and I swear to you will never give him headspace again - he really was an abnoxious fucker with his "I'm so clever" giggles Angry

DoucheCanoe · 28/03/2022 00:27

RR was also reported to have horrendously stanky breath 🤢

Geppili · 28/03/2022 00:33

It is definitely about you rather than him.

steff13 · 28/03/2022 00:33

@DoucheCanoe

RR was also reported to have horrendously stanky breath 🤢
It's because his teeth were so gross.

@DoucheCanoe, I wondered if you were a TCG fan when I saw your username. I have a crush on The Captain.

Geppili · 28/03/2022 00:36

I have developed what my DH regards as an unhealthy interest in gruesome true crime podcasts. It developed during lockdown. Its like a way of being grateful for my boring pedestrian life. Maybe this is partly the appeal for you. He was heinous but he is deceased, so this is no real 'risk'.

DoucheCanoe · 28/03/2022 00:37

Haha yup, that's where it came from - I could listen to his gruff voice all day Grin

Original poster
FlippingRidiculous · 28/03/2022 00:48

steff which book is it? I've read American Predator and Devil In the Darkness, both good but the latter is better imo.

I've heard extensive parts of the tapes on True Crime Bullshit, and actually it was these that kicked off my interest because his absolute lack of remorse is so fascinating. I think in my head, I can't fathom that he is so unremorseful, and my brain has somehow decided that he does have empathy and compassion somewhere within him (which is very unlikely).

Douche Canoe another Captain fan here 🤘

Geppili yes thankfully there is no risk! But still feels ick and I'd sooner be over it.

Have started Denis Rader's daughter's book, and I'm hoping this might divert me. No chance of me fancying Denis thank goodness.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlippingRidiculous · 28/03/2022 00:49

Love how my cry for help has turned into a true crime discussion 😂

OP posts:
DoucheCanoe · 28/03/2022 00:56

I think the point to take from it though is that it's not unusual to be fascinated by these people.

Many of the things that they do are (thankfully) completely alien to us but they are human just like us - so what is it about them/their lives that sets the "monster" that lurks within our psyche free?!

It is interesting and I guess it's the humanity in us that wants to help/stop them somehow, logically we know there's very little that can be done to stop a calculated and determined predator.

AKASammyScrounge · 28/03/2022 00:59

Serial killers are ultimately uninteresting people. One off killers are more interesting. I mean, how fascinating is Madeleine Smith. I never tire of her story and people argue about it to this day.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 28/03/2022 01:07

I came here ready to bollock on about how limerance is an excuse for stalkerish behaviour and now I want to Google him and Madeleine Smith. Ffs Grin

DreamTheMoors · 28/03/2022 01:18

Is it that serial killer from New York, Son of Sam, who said his dog told him to do it?
David Berkowitz I think is his name.