I know IABU but how can I be rid of this ridiculous bizarre limerance??

[FlippingRidiculous]

This is actually so embarrassing to admit

I'm interested in true crime and a while back I came across a now-deceased killer that I hadn't heard of before. I became obsessed with his history and became hell-bent on knowing everything there is to know, which does happen to me sometimes with certain subjects (yes, suspected ADHD traits). Except instead of the obsession fading, it got right under my skin and developed into a totally ridiculous and humiliating limerance type thing (is it limerance if they're dead??).

It's so bizarre because I am absolutely disgusted and horrified by his crimes, but then my brain is like 'oh but if he met you before his crimes, you would have saved him and life would be like this insert fantasy here'

I feel annoyed that he takes up so much of my headspace, and also feel very guilty to even be entertaining thoughts like this about such a vile person.

I am vaguely aware of hibristophillia but don't think this fully fits as I am horrified by his crimes etc.

How can I stop this please??? It's going on for about 6 months now 🙈

I also love Stephanie Lazurus' interview before she gets arrested. The police know it is her after 20 odd years because she bit her victim and they harvested Lazarus' DNA from a coffee cup. The way she lies and tries to distract is utterly compelling! I love interrogations! Maybe we need a true crime thread!!!! What shall we call it? I vote for the Richard Ramirez cheekbones thread.

Mrs Pellegrino,
Madeleine's case seems so simple and straightforward and yet...well, she got the not proven verdict in the end even if she had shocked Victorian Glasgow to its core.

@FlippingRidiculous it's American Predator.

I live about 1.5 hours from where Nic and The Captain record.

@DogMum3107 Ted Bundy must have really had something. The very toothsome 35 year old Mark Harmon played him in 1986.

Eeewwww. This thread. Just eewww

Your fantasy sounds like a pretty ok interesting Netflix series. Change the names? Write a novel?

Geppili yes yes to the RR cheekbones thread/club 😂

I'm not into true crime so I'll have a go at the limerance bit...
When I needed to "cure" my obsessive pining limerance...complete with grief for my fantasy future etc.
I took up running. I allowed myself imaginary conversations with the object of my limerance, sometimes out loud even.
I cried, I raged, I argued and begged and talked... It distracted me from pain of running.
A Yr later I was a stone lighter, a dress size down, doing a marathon and was bored of the limerance talks and had frankly forgotten mostly about him.
It takes time, and finding a new obsession.. Mine was running.. Instead of wasting hrs Internet stalking him, I took to wanting to look up run kit, fitness regimes, etc.
I'd really recommend it

@Geppili

I also love Stephanie Lazurus' interview before she gets arrested. The police know it is her after 20 odd years because she bit her victim and they harvested Lazarus' DNA from a coffee cup. The way she lies and tries to distract is utterly compelling! I love interrogations! Maybe we need a true crime thread!!!! What shall we call it? I vote for the Richard Ramirez cheekbones thread.

I don't know if we still have it but there was a true crime board at few years ago. People were called disgusting and vile for wanting to post on it

People's attitude to true crime has come full circle again. As a teenager I enjoyed reading about Jack the Ripper. It felt like a shameful guilty pleasure. Now you can't move for podcasts or mainstream programmes about it. Most people I follow on instagram (normal british woman) post about true crime (podcasts, documentaries, memes about liking true crime).
Jack the Ripper is very tame compared to a lot that's happened since.

I agree @Charlavail, as a teen I checked out pretty much all the books about the Kray's in our local library and I remember worrying that the librarian would think I was odd.

Now it's my Google searches I worry about but it's all (mostly) mainstream stuff that I've heard about in podcasts which are much more graphic/twisted than anything I ever read!

I think people's interest in true crime has always been there, just in different formats. My gran and mum used to prolifically read true crime magazines years ago.

I'm not surprised about the negative reception to the true crime board on mumsnet, I was on a thread yesterday where there was a poster saying that none of use should read crime fiction because it was making entertainment out of femicide I haven't seen a stance like that anywhere else on the internet though.

Have you listened to the True Crime Bullshit podcast? The first 40 something episodes are a deep dive into Keyes and his crimes, plus trying to link him to other murders he wasn't convicted of. Loads of audio of police interviews. It might just fuel your obsession (and I get it, I go through waves of similar fanaticism) but it might also put you off him!

Yep that's what initially kicked off my obsession 🙈 I listened to season 1 and actually stopped after that as it frightened me how obsessed I got But I started season 2 today in the hope that if I listen to it all, I can bring an end to the cycle.

Interesting thread. So back to your original question, I think AtrociousCircumstance is on to something. Also, limerence AFAIU is about an element of the other person that fascinates you. With serial killers it would be power and control and how that has been tragically abused. So IMHO this is about finding your own power and expressing it in a healthy and positive way.

Off to do some googling

Yes I think I need to give some thought to what it is that fascinates me, as that is probably what I'm trying to resolve within myself.

Good advice thanks

I don't know if we still have it but there was a true crime board at few years ago. People were called disgusting and vile for wanting to post on it hmm

Some Mumsnetters are incredibly judgey about that kind of thing. About five years ago there was a discussion in which someone angrily announced that anyone who watched Game Of Thrones was a perverted sadist because it's got gore and shagging in it, and there have definitely been threads in which people have said that anyone who likes watching horror films must be sick in the head.

That was all news to me. I love horror, true crime and crime fiction. At the same time, I will never watch Dumbo again because it was too unbearably sad for me and cannot listen to Puff The Magic Dragon without crying at the bit where poor Puff is abandoned by the little boy.