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Original poster

To think my friends comments are unnecessary

78 replies

diamondsare4ever00 · 27/03/2022 20:12

Have known my friend for 11 years. We used to get on great however soon after she met her now DH things have changed. Don't know how to explain it but she's sooo above everyone ..
She always compares her life to everyone's and seems to think whatever they do as a couple is always the right/ best thing.

One example being after both of us had boys .. she used to say how the next one better be a girl as she wants one of each and how that's a "perfect family" (her words)

Anyway I just had a DD after my son and soon after she fell pregnant with her second .. well .. she's just found out that they're expecting another boy .. so during our coffee date she said that they're super happy and that her and her DH think that having 2 boys is the best! And how upset they would've been if they were expecting a girl .. "girls are awful and I would hate to have one .. can't stand little girls" "ohh and teenage girls who would want them .."

Ahhhmmm wtf? Saying those things to me as I'm holding my DD 🙈🙈

Might be my hormones but I've had enough of this whatever they do is just the best and that's it ..
she compared her car to mine the other day ( both 4x4) saying she's read that hers is better .. what was she expecting me to say to that?!!!
Am I going crazy? Is it my hormones & should I calm down or is this not a normal friend..?

OP posts:
Queenoftheworld · 28/03/2022 07:53

The situation is not going to change, so you might want to find a friend who is happier in their skin.

Before you leave her you could switch away from your 4 x 4, maybe to an electric vehicle car share, and if she copies you you will have done a great thing. The "Code Red for Humanity" will keep getting worse until we change our planet-hurting habits. It's us.

Wishing you well and hope you find a nicer friend.

www.iea.org/commentaries/growing-preference-for-suvs-challenges-emissions-reductions-in-passenger-car-market

LadyGAgain · 28/03/2022 07:57

I've recently binned one of these types. She's toxic. I can't stand her.

HollowTalk · 28/03/2022 08:01

Say "Yes, some girls do grow up to be really bitchy women" and eyeball her.

Nothingsfine · 28/03/2022 08:35

Why are you still friends with her though? You don't owe her anything and this type of needling is awful for you.

something2say · 28/03/2022 08:50

Yes why are you meeting up with her? That's a source of anxiety you don't need right there!

arethereanyleftatall · 28/03/2022 08:58

Have you seen 'motherland'? This is Amanda.

NWQM · 28/03/2022 09:00

I agree with @something2say. You have a new baby. Your 'friend' upsets you and her views negatively intrude even when you arent with her. Cancel the next meeting and take a break. You can deal with any conversation with her in your own time. Doesnt have to be in the next few days. Doesnt have to take place at all unless you might feel better for it.

billy1966 · 28/03/2022 09:12

How did you sit there with your daughter in your arms and allow her to be so awful about your baby?

You need to think about what you think is acceptable behaviour.

It is not normal nor healthy to sit and allow someone speak to you like that.

Bethany7 · 28/03/2022 09:44

She is so jealous that you have had a boy and a girl. She is no friend. I would cut ties, either call her out or let the friendship fizzle out x

Brefugee · 28/03/2022 09:47

just say "oh you've changed your tune. Whatever. Surely the main thing is it's healthy?"

(in reality, i'd probably just say "oh fuck off" and reduce contact)

putridpudding · 28/03/2022 12:22

Ugh, she sounds utterly exhausting.

I’ve stepped back from friends who’ve started doing this, OP. It’s just a frustrating waste of time and benefits absolutely no one. You could call her out but I doubt that will achieve anything. Boring, boring, boring.

LightDrizzle · 28/03/2022 12:28

If she brings up the boy thing again, I’d have to say “You’ve changed your tune!!!” And when she asks what you mean, tell her; that after you both had boys she’d gone on the next one had better be a girl and that one if each was “the perfect family”.
You are throwing her words back at her, not joining in the competition.

How can she be so obtuse?

Hertsgirl10 · 28/03/2022 12:43

She’s screaming insecurity and is over compensating about having a boy, maybe has got gender disappointment and is trying to cover up about it.

Perhaps her marriage isn’t as happy and perfect as she’s trying to mark out.
Have a talk with her to see what her problem is or just distance yourself if it’s upsetting you.

jay55 · 28/03/2022 12:55

Ask if she's going to spend the catch up telling you that you've made terrible decisions while she's made perfect ones, and if so could you skip that part this time as it's so boring.

Hugasauras · 28/03/2022 12:57

Yep, classic envy coming out in the traditional nasty way of trying to bring other people down. If she was really delighted and happy, then she wouldn't be going on and on about it like that.

Hugasauras · 28/03/2022 12:58

Also she just sounds like a bit of a twat. Some people are just like this: never content with their own lot but won't ever admit it, so instead have to constantly dig at and bring down other people to make themselves feel better. Not people you want to spend time with!

Rubyupbeat · 28/03/2022 13:03

She actually sounds quite unhappy. I knew someone who became like this, after marriage. it turned out her husband was an awful bully, who belittled her and her way of coping was to make herself feel better than everyone else, I'm glad she left him.

RealBecca · 28/03/2022 13:04

"Why are you putting my choice down?" Every time. Maybe the message will sink in. If not at least she will know why you've phased her out!!

Lightning020 · 28/03/2022 13:06

I had a friend like this years ago. Too much oneupmanship competitive comments and p utdowns. I was utterly relieved when I packed her in.

Swayingpalmtrees · 28/03/2022 13:21

She is not a friend.
Friends want the best for each other. It should not be an arms race.
Time to bail out quietly and distance yourself. Or you will have years and years of her kid doing better than yours and undermining your dc. Save yourself the pain and find new friends.

Charpick · 28/03/2022 13:37

She’s not your friend. A friend wouldn’t do this. Bin her off and if she asks why you don’t see her anymore, you’ve got a big list of reasons…

EmmaH2022 · 28/03/2022 13:40

@diamondsare4ever00

Thanks all for sharing your thoughts on it.

I'm meeting her in a few days so I'll be prepared to say something ... I can't hold it in anymore.
I want to enjoy my life and not feel like I'm in some sort of childish competition at all times. I honestly feel anxiety even when booking a holiday as I keep thinking what negative stuff will she say .. and wondering where she's going to book thats "better" 🙈 I feel stuck in a competition I don't want to be part of 🙈

Definitely tell her. Bizarre behaviour.
Makeitsoso · 28/03/2022 13:44

A one off could be a foot in mouth thing but sounds like this is persistent. I’m too old to be doing with friendships with people (women!) who want to compete with me. It’s the toxic side of female friendship and you don’t have to accept it. Walk away!
There are plenty of lovely women who will simply congratulate you on your DD and enjoy their DS.

something2say · 28/03/2022 13:51

I think...
Cancel the meet up saying you're unwell.
Then relax and decide whether youd prefer to fade out or say something next time. You don't have to make it a scene, just start calling her out on the things she says.

It's sad and unnecessary but part of being an adult.

LadyEloise1 · 28/03/2022 14:28

I had someone like this in my life.
The last time I met her, when she started with the nasty comments, I just said I'm not taking this sh*t anymore and walked off.
I later found out horrendous things were happening in her life. Sad