Anyone else hate mother's day???

[velvet24]

I feel its all a bit ott, stuff everywhere in the shops, most of it tat. It doesnt feel the same when you have to constantly remind your teenage children about it, one gave me stuff later on today other forgot but made me tea and says he appreciates me. Just feel all this pressure to photograph beautiful flowers and gifts and have it all over Fb.
I hate these made up days , made up by card companies to make money, anyone else????
Oh and must be awful for women who cant have children or have lost mothers, or just don't have a relationship with theirs.

Yes it is another commercial tactic deployed by many companies to keep us spending money. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Xmas. Valentines. Mother's Day. World book day. The list goes on.

Despite this, I do think it's nice to feel appreciated a little bit. A card, maybe a small gift. A breakfast made for you... from your children and partner - it hardly costs much but can go a long way in making us feel appreciated. Nothing wrong with that. Don't think that's ott.

Social media and comparing our "Mother's Day" to others is what makes us wonder "should I care more ? Should I EXPECT more ?!". Imo, the answer is no.

Nope. I absolutely love it. Got treated like a Queen today by DH AND DC. Flowers, chocolates, jewellery, a meal out, and a lovely walk by the river...

We don’t need a special day for our kids to show that they appreciate us. My two show it all the time. Today my eldest baked me a cake and my youngest made me a card.

Then they spent all day playing online with their friends. Dh ordered me some lovely flowers on their behalf. I don’t think they’ve even seen them. I don’t mind. I love flowers. Just another day really.

Just like mothers day, I know my kids love and appreciate me as they tell me , don't need them to be forced to buy tat for me.

Make your mind up.
You've put this in your 2nd post, but in your opening post, you put

It doesn't feel the same when you have to constantly remind your teenage children about it

Yes, YABU.
If you don't want to get involved, then don't get involved, but it doesn't sound like that is the case.

I've been at a lovely Church service today, when all women were recognised, and it was acknowledged that some had the pain of infertility, or those who had lost a child, or those that had a difficult relationship with their child (or own mother), and many other scenarios were recognised. That some women held a nurturing role without ever being a mother.

I've lost my Mum, but don't believe that other people shouldn't have a special day to think about or spend time with their Mum because I can't physically do it.

@Turningpurple

I think yabu.

My mum died 4 months ago. Today's being shit. But so was Christmas, that's commercialised and OTT. People also get ridiculously upset over it not being perfect.

I think you can dislike it, not want to do it etc and its fine. Some people do it and enjoy it.

If people buy events up in their head and then become miserable because it's not insta-perfect or can't appreciate sentiment over something that looks good on their social media, then they are the problem and they need to look Inwards.

Yes, today has been shit for me. But dd got me a pot plant and ds some chocolates. They knew it would be hard for me and they are still kids. They thought about it and worked together to get something. It's enough.

And i do hope lots of people have enjoyed today. Just because mines shit doesn't mean anyone else's should be. Mine doesn't get any better or worse for other people enjoying it or nor enjoying it.

The first Mothering Sunday after your Mum has died is shit I agree and I am very sorry for your loss.

My Mum died coming up for six years ago and I have remembered her today with love. Mothering Sunday is now a time for memories of happier times. The same for Fathers Day.

I don’t hate it. I had lovely hand made cards from my two DDs but I wouldn’t have minded getting nothing.
I do resent that in my household it has always been more ‘mother-in-law’s day’ than my day. Woe betide anyone who forgets her fucking card, presents, flowers, chocolates, meal etc. ….

The 'we don't need a special day to know our kids love us - they show us all the time' comments always pop up on here. Usually from the same women who say 'I don't need a poxy card on Valentines day from my DH to show he loves me, he shows me all the time.'

NEWSFLASH! The men (and children) who buy for their wives/mothers for Mothers day and Valentines etc, ALSO show love all year round AS WELL as on the 'special occasions.' The 'we don't need 'TAT' to prove our love' type posts smack of denial.

I hate it too. And my mother is with us and I'm a mother. It feels like one day to pamper yourself then it's back to the grind. Kids loved drawing pictures and I loved them, but that's about it. I didn't want my husband waiting on me either. Just pressure on his part. Just wanted to be left to our own devices.

It’s a nice day. I always think the ones that moan about it are the ones that have shit husbands and kids that forget and just because someone’s husband does make the effort doesn’t mean they don’t make the effort the rest of the year.

I like the premise and my DM is amazing so I enjoy doing something special for her but it shouldn’t be shoved in peoples faces. Special card racks, Mother’s Day gift displays. Let people pick their card off the normal card rack and pick a gift themselves from what’s in the shop. Shoving it in peoples faces makes it difficult on those who have either lost their mothers, have a strained relationship with their mother/children or who can’t have children. When DH got home from the shops on Saturday there was a heart with a chocolate inside it and a little note saying ‘celebrate how amazing being a mother is’ that the shop must have put in. DH mother died young and while I am pregnant now it’s been 5 years of infertility for us and it is unfair to put that kind of thing in peoples shopping when you don’t know their circumstances.

I think you'll only hate it if you have really bought into the hype, which it sounds like you have OP if you Just feel all this pressure to photograph beautiful flowers and gifts and have it all over Fb

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If you have to repeatedly ask your partner and children not to forget to treat you, that's really a wider issue than Mother's Day. Why doesn't your partner give you an extra lie in sometimes just because? Or your kids make you a cuppa because they were thinking of you? If you only get this treatment on one singular day you deserve better.

I don’t like it either OP. I think we all need basic respect for each other all the time, not put one day aside that’s heavily oversubscribed.

I don’t like going out to lunch on Mother’s Day because places are packed and often more expensive. Ditto the flowers. There seems to be pressure on everyone to perform in a certain way that feels false.

I’m much happier with a lower key and more frequent show of appreciation - like a cup of tea from time to time, or a heartfelt thank you or declaration of love.

@MurmuratingStarling

The 'we don't need a special day to know our kids love us - they show us all the time' comments always pop up on here. Usually from the same women who say 'I don't need a poxy card on Valentines day from my DH to show he loves me, he shows me all the time.'

NEWSFLASH! The men (and children) who buy for their wives/mothers for Mothers day and Valentines etc, ALSO show love all year round AS WELL as on the 'special occasions.' The 'we don't need 'TAT' to prove our love' type posts smack of denial.

I don’t think it’s denial. It just all seems performative and generally in a style that I don’t particularly lean towards. I get lunches out and cups of tea and thanks anyway many times a year. I’m really not interested in having a day that’s seen as set aside for it because it tends to be not as good as on the days that are more spontaneous or unprompted.

But even though I’m not interested I can appreciate that other people do like it and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that either.

My children made me cards and gifts and then my husband cooked for us all including my mum and his. It was lovely and no money spent except a slightly bigger roast than normal.
Yeah it’s shit if your kids don’t bother and it can be very hard for people who have lost their mother, or who want to be a mother for example. But for me it was a pleasant day where I didn’t have to do anything and my children gave me lovely homemade gifts.

Oh and I don’t have FB or Instagram so have no idea about people posting flower pictures etc. You should try getting rid of yours, it’s good for stress levels!

@velvet24

I feel its all a bit ott, stuff everywhere in the shops, most of it tat. It doesnt feel the same when you have to constantly remind your teenage children about it, one gave me stuff later on today other forgot but made me tea and says he appreciates me. Just feel all this pressure to photograph beautiful flowers and gifts and have it all over Fb. I hate these made up days , made up by card companies to make money, anyone else???? Oh and must be awful for women who cant have children or have lost mothers, or just don't have a relationship with theirs.

I love it, from the first one as a mother. Had a really happy day yesterday, knowing my children like to make it extra special. Mind you, they're the same for Christmas and birthdays.

YANBU. We have no children or surviving parents (mum died the week before Mothers Day five years ago and I had already bought a card and gift) so Mothers and Fathers Day are of no relevance to us other than memories. We do however celebrate Valentines Day.

I've been at a lovely Church service today, when all women were recognised, and it was acknowledged that some had the pain of infertility, or those who had lost a child, or those that had a difficult relationship with their child (or own mother), and many other scenarios were recognised. That some women held a nurturing role without ever being a mother.

I was at one of those too. It was bloody awful. Worse than just a quick mention of Mother’s Day and moving on. Clearly done by someone who wanted to be sensitive to everyone but not thinking what it’s like if you’re actually in that position.

I think going to church would have helped you, OP. I remember a wonderful Mothering Sunday service given by our then minister, who not only was a childless lesbian, but her own mother had just died.
She could have been forgiven for not wanting anything to do with it, but she held a brilliantly inclusive service where we all wrote down examples of other women who had behaved like mothers to us, and reflected on God’s role as our heavenly parent.
I had an abusive mother, and was ambivalent about the day, but being able to write about my DH’s lovely old aunt, who had been a great mother figure to me after he died, was very cathartic.
Mothering Sunday is largely whatever you make it. Raise your DC to respect and love you, let them know you expect them to behave decently towards you and mark your special day. If they are too young, make plain to your DH what is required of him.
Finally, comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t sit enviously looking at other women’s social media posts, often displayed purely to generate envy or boost an insecure ego. Focus on being happy and getting your needs met in your own life.

I hate it. My mum weaponised it such that I struggle not to see the day itself as an homage to martyrdom, and I'm now estranged from her and infertile. The day itself feels like a personal insult though clearly I'm sensible enough to know it isn't!

She could have been forgiven for not wanting anything to do with it, but she held a brilliantly inclusive service where we all wrote down examples of other women who had behaved like mothers to us

That sounds even worse than the patronising flowers that got given out to all the women at mine.

It doesn't bother me. I don't really look at Facebook these days, so I don't know what people are putting on there, but i eemember it from previous years. Some people like to have the flowers, cards etc, but I find it quite easy to ignore, and don't bother with them myself. I can appreciate however, that if someone has been used to celebrating it, it must be very difficult if your mother isn't around anymore.

I went to the shops yesterday and did get a laugh at one younger guy who was feverishly writing in a card at 5.30pm. That's the reality of mother's day for most, I reckon. A last minute card and a bunch of flowers. The social media gushing isn't real.

@PurpleDaisies

I've been at a lovely Church service today, when all women were recognised, and it was acknowledged that some had the pain of infertility, or those who had lost a child, or those that had a difficult relationship with their child (or own mother), and many other scenarios were recognised. That some women held a nurturing role without ever being a mother.

I was at one of those too. It was bloody awful. Worse than just a quick mention of Mother’s Day and moving on. Clearly done by someone who wanted to be sensitive to everyone but not thinking what it’s like if you’re actually in that position.

I’m sure it was @PurpleDaisies. It’s just emphasising the mother bit above all else. Woman = mother/nurturer and nothing else. My DH was brought up Catholic, I went to one or two Mothers Day services with his mum and I was generally left feeling very bleak and bereft. Not a source of comfort to me at all.

Once my DC got past the age where school make a thing of it I told hhem not to worry about it. It's close to my birthday and March is birthday central in our family so always clashed with mine/my dad/FIL etc so just seemed too much faff