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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left without saying goodbye

61 replies

Weekendfromhellll · 27/03/2022 17:39

Went to see my mum for Mother’s Day and had a nice drink in the pub. Went back to my parents’ house and they went upstairs to facetime my grandparents, we were sat in the living room waiting but they were taking ages and our toddler was getting really restless and is in need of a nap, and we are due to collect food at 6pm. Went upstairs to tell my mum we were going to head off, got a dirty look and told to ‘just wait’ so waited around another 10 minutes, before deciding to just head off, sending a message to explain why and that we’d see her in the week.

Now expecting to be berated over text message. So before that (absolutely) happens, AIBU to have left?

OP posts:
Beees · 27/03/2022 18:35

@Aprilx

I can’t believe people are saying you weren’t being rude! Incredibly rude to walk out of somebody’s house without saying goodbye. One of your parents was just wishing their own mother Happy Mothers Day surely.
Of course she wasn't the rude one in this situation! I'm staggered you think it's perfectly acceptable to fuck off upstairs and ignore those who have come to see you for 40+ minutes when you have people visiting. A quick 10 minute phone call is one thing but over 40 minutes on a video call not wanting to be disturbed is exceedingly rude.
winterchills · 27/03/2022 18:37

The FaceTime thing is so weird!!

ThisisMax · 27/03/2022 18:39

It sounds like you are still in 'child' role for your parents and your behaviour reinforces it. Im not having a go at you but I am saying that if they dont treat you like an adult you need to decide you are one and be one. So dont sit downstairs like a dope, just go off and do your thing and shoot a breezy text saying you hope they had a great facetime, lovely to see them.for drink and catch
them again. ignore any berating text. The reason you think it is odd is because they are, so dont help.them!

MichelleScarn · 27/03/2022 18:42

But op did try and say goodbye and was ignored I popped my head in to say we we’re leaving and got brushed off. And that’s true, but am unsure what I can do about that because my mum doesn’t use MN.

DowntonCrabby · 27/03/2022 18:47

Her behaviour is very rude.

Any shitty message received now should be met with “as you saw we tried to say goodbye, you were still busy on FT and we had to be somewhere at 6pm”

For the love of Christ do not keep apologising or grovel to her.

LoudingVoice · 27/03/2022 18:48

Yanbu, your parents were incredibly rude ti go off and do a private FaceTime you weirdly weren’t invited to while you were sat downstairs- their behaviour is bizarre and rude!

Why did they arrange the call for when you were there anyway? Surely they could’ve done it after you’d gone?

If they try and ‘berate’ you I’d set them straight that had they not been so rude in the first place you wouldn’t have had to leave without saying bye properly.

phoenixrosehere · 27/03/2022 18:55

*I can’t believe people are saying you weren’t being rude! Incredibly rude to walk out of somebody’s house without saying goodbye. One of your parents was just wishing their own mother Happy Mothers Day surely.

Are you not seeing OP’s post or just choosing not to read them? She said she been waiting for 40 minutes before she left and he earlier popped in to say they were leaving and was given a “dirty look” and told to wait. How long should she have waited? She’s a mother too and had things to do. She texted since another “disruption” on her part probably wouldn’t have gone down well either.

The call could have waited til after she left or they could have did a short one and called back after OP left. It is extremely rude to expect someone to wait that long for the host to finish a conversation, family or not, especially when it’s not even an emergency.

I would have left the moment I was given a dirty look.

Aquafizzle · 27/03/2022 19:00

I hate being held hostage in someone else's house..and have to be on their timetable. I would have left also.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/03/2022 19:08

YANBU. Maybe switch your phone off and enjoy the rest of your day.

ThisisMax · 27/03/2022 19:10

If people treat you like an option leave them like a choice

TempName01 · 27/03/2022 19:17

You did effectively say goodbye but they were too rude to listen to you, so they can get to fuck if they have a problem with that

PupInAPram · 27/03/2022 19:17

You are not being unreasonable. They sound pretty selfish. Are they selfish in other ways?

CheeseAndHackers · 27/03/2022 19:22

You did nothing wrong, no apology to be made by you here.

itsgettingweird · 27/03/2022 19:23

It's rude to FaceTime someone for 40 minutes when you have guests.

Especially if it's not a family FaceTime and you were left.

You needed to go as had food. If your mum wanted to chat she had 40 minutes to do it and decided not to.

Yanbu. Enjoy your takeaway!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/03/2022 19:25

What were you expected to stay for?

itsgettingweird · 27/03/2022 19:25

@ThisisMax

If people treat you like an option leave them like a choice
I love this. Im saving it for future when I feel brushed off and taken advantage of.
TheyCallMeJune · 27/03/2022 19:29

I don't blame you for leaving! Your parents were being extremely rude.

I had an ex friend that used to phone me on her landline then answer her mobile mid call and expect me to sit waiting on the landline whilst she had a conversation with the caller! I used to put the phone down and she soon fell out with me!

LizzoBennett · 27/03/2022 19:37

You did nothing wrong. I would have put my foot down though when your mum said 'just wait' and said in a firm but upbeat tone 'I'm really sorry, but we need to head off. I'll catch up with you in the week.'

Gilly12345 · 27/03/2022 19:42

I don’t think you were rude at all, in fact I think your parents were for leaving you for the FaceTime when they could of done it before or later in the day.

BakedTattie · 27/03/2022 19:45

So bizarre.

You did the right thing. Except I’d have waiting 10 mins too then left.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 27/03/2022 19:46

The day wasn't more theirs than yours op. Yet they made it appear so. Don't you dare apologise. You did nothing wrong. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Personally I would let dm stew.

Thewindwhispers · 27/03/2022 20:19

You tried to say good ye and they didn’t let you. Why couldn’t they have said “hold on a sec” to the grandparents, turned to you and sais “lovely to see you, thanks for coming see you soon bye bye now” and then go back to their call? I think they were incredibly rude. Yanbu.

Thumpkin · 27/03/2022 20:25

YANBU - they were ignoring you for ages and you did try to say goodbye!

dumdumduuuummmmm · 27/03/2022 20:41

@KarmaStar

Yabu to walk out on mothers day without a word then send a text,it looks like you went off in a huff. We've only heard your version of events.
Yes we have only heard the OP version of events. That's how MN works. We don't go coming up with random alternative scenarios in our own heads. We read the OP and comment. Having gone up to say something and scowled at, the OP really did not have any openings left. Not quite sure what you think they should have done. Wait indefinitely? Barge in and get a bollocking fir interrupting 'their thing' ? OP you really did the only thing any reasonable person could do
dumdumduuuummmmm · 27/03/2022 20:42

@Aprilx

I can’t believe people are saying you weren’t being rude! Incredibly rude to walk out of somebody’s house without saying goodbye. One of your parents was just wishing their own mother Happy Mothers Day surely.
For 40 mins. And the OP was scowled at for interrupting. Not sure how long you would have waited for. An hour? Three? You are being ridiculous