Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not wanting ny collegue to comment about my husband?

52 replies

MoreHolidays · 27/03/2022 14:28

So I usually work from home but I have to go to the office every other week or so for a meeting. I became fairly friendly with most of my colleagues. We went out for drinks after work about a month ago but then I left with my partner to go see a film. She made a comment about how good-looking he is. Now every time I see her she says something to the effect of how attractive he is. She'll mention a FaceBook picture I posted of us on the beach or ask about our sex life. This has never happened to me before. I've never spoken or been asked about my sex life with any of my friends, even my close ones. Nor have they said anything about his looks.

I'm not jealous nor am I offended that she notices my partner. She can check him out however much she wants to. I'm glad other women can appreciate him. I notice handsome men all the time, but I don't speak about it to their partners.

I complained about this to another friend, and she said it was my fault for having a good-looking partner in the first place.

OP posts:
VyeBrator · 27/03/2022 14:32

I complained about this to another friend, and she said it was my fault for having a good-looking partner in the first place.

I imagine she wasn't serious when she said that.

I wouldn't have a problem with this, apart from the questions about your sex life. Obviously just tell her to mind her own business.

KitKattaktik · 27/03/2022 14:33

Really?

HellToTheNope · 27/03/2022 14:36

She'll mention a FaceBook picture I posted of us on the beach or ask about our sex life.

Tell her to wind her neck in and stop being so grossly inappropriate.

Palavah · 27/03/2022 14:39

Don't be friends with colleagues on facebook. Make sure any social media is only for people you actually know.

Tell your colleague she's being inappropriate and that you don't expect it to happen again.

HellToTheNope · 27/03/2022 14:40

Don't be friends with colleagues on facebook.

This x 1,000.

Marvellousmadness · 27/03/2022 14:44

Unfriend her. Or put her under acquaintances in your fb.

Or better yet tell her to back off. Use your words :)

But girl... you saying "I've never spoken or been asked about my sex life with any of my friends, even my close ones." how in the whole wide world have you managed to do that? 😅

SamphiretheStickerist · 27/03/2022 14:44

Unfriend her on Facebook and if/when she mentions it or your DH again tell her she is being grossly inquisitive and needs to mind her manners.

Then, when she inevitably does that 'meh meh meh" piss take thing, just stare at her as if she has just farted. Then leave her to it.

If anyone asks smile and say "Yes, she really did become an annoying pest".

Don't apologise, don't look guilty and if your line manager ever asks just say that one of the reasons is her constantly asking about you sex life.

SamphiretheStickerist · 27/03/2022 14:45

@Marvellousmadness

Unfriend her. Or put her under acquaintances in your fb.

Or better yet tell her to back off. Use your words :)

But girl... you saying "I've never spoken or been asked about my sex life with any of my friends, even my close ones." how in the whole wide world have you managed to do that? 😅

?? Is it a pre requisite for having a sex life? Or having friends?

I never have!

Original poster
MoreHolidays · 27/03/2022 14:46

I'm not remotely interested in the sex lives of other people. Also it would be very disrespectful to my partner's privacy.
Would you want your partner telling his friends about your sex life?

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreHolidays · 27/03/2022 14:49

What?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 27/03/2022 14:50

Yeah I'd delete her (and not have any other colleagues on Facebook) and tell her you know he's attractive, you married him, and that your sex life is fine thanks.

xsquared · 27/03/2022 14:51

She's crossed a line there and is being unprofessional.

I wouldn't even ask an actual friend what their sex life is like let alone a colleague's.

Original poster
MoreHolidays · 27/03/2022 14:51

Sometimes she'll comment something like "His abs look great!" She's not wrong, but it just seems inappropriate to comment. Even my closest friends wouldn't say that to my face, let alone post on FB.

OP posts:
NalPolishRemover · 27/03/2022 14:51

I have never once spoken to any of my friends about mine & dh's sex life & I literally can't imagine any situation where I would want to do so. I think it would be a gross invasion of his / our privacy & I would be MOST upset if I found out he'd been talking about it with anyone else.

That is entirely between us & not for sharing.

luckylavender · 27/03/2022 14:53

@Marvellousmadness

Unfriend her. Or put her under acquaintances in your fb.

Or better yet tell her to back off. Use your words :)

But girl... you saying "I've never spoken or been asked about my sex life with any of my friends, even my close ones." how in the whole wide world have you managed to do that? 😅

I don't think that's unusual ...
NewYearCalavicci · 27/03/2022 14:55

Your work mate is been a nosy mare and needs to be told so !

While I wouldn't mind someone commenting on my fellas good looks once or twice more that that would really start to bug me , and asking about your sex life ?! gtf , it is absolutely none of her business and she would be told so .

Next time she brings it up ask to see her fella and then comment ( politely) that yes your guy is better looking , do this every time hopefully she will get sick of you not praising her fella.

Do you think she is trying to initiate a meeting / drinks or something more intimate between the three of you ?

Original poster
MoreHolidays · 27/03/2022 14:57

I don't think so. I know my partner wouldn't be interested.

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 27/03/2022 14:59

Just tell her.

Tell her that these are subjects you prefer not to discuss at work.

And avoid fb friending colleagues.

Original poster
MoreHolidays · 27/03/2022 15:11

Would'nt you have a problem with your partner's friends talking about how good looking you are? Would you be fine with his friends saying you've got a nice bum and bosum?

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreHolidays · 27/03/2022 15:20

@NewYearCalavicci

Your work mate is been a nosy mare and needs to be told so !

While I wouldn't mind someone commenting on my fellas good looks once or twice more that that would really start to bug me , and asking about your sex life ?! gtf , it is absolutely none of her business and she would be told so .

Next time she brings it up ask to see her fella and then comment ( politely) that yes your guy is better looking , do this every time hopefully she will get sick of you not praising her fella.

Do you think she is trying to initiate a meeting / drinks or something more intimate between the three of you ?

Would you mind if your fellas friends were making comments about your appearance?
OP posts:
ZippeeDeeDoohDah · 27/03/2022 15:41

It's fine to be friends with colleagues, but make good use of the audience/restricted options on facebook.
I have lists. So what my colleagues see is only want I want them to see, same with family and same with friends. (Generally, for colleagues, work related memes etc)
It's really the best way to use FB/social media! (and I make sure to mention in passing, every so often at work, how I don't really go on FB that often, in case they wonder why I never post!)

Anyway, it's very weird she asks you about your sex life. Creepy. I'd just answer everything with "why do you want to know?"

ZippeeDeeDoohDah · 27/03/2022 15:43

But girl... you saying "I've never spoken or been asked about my sex life with any of my friends, even my close ones." how in the whole wide world have you managed to do that? 😅

I think most people DON'T discuss it with their friends. I care not about my friends sex lives, and don't want to know about it. I'd be angry if my partner discussed with his friends, and I suppose he'd feel the same in reverse.

NewYearCalavicci · 27/03/2022 15:44

Not if it was only once or twice , but more than that i would wonder if they had another motive / agender

Parth · 27/03/2022 15:44

Highly inappropriate to be asking questions about your sex life.

Hawkins001 · 27/03/2022 15:47

@MoreHolidays

I'm not remotely interested in the sex lives of other people. Also it would be very disrespectful to my partner's privacy. Would you want your partner telling his friends about your sex life?
I understand your perspectives, but some friendships circles people are quite open about different subject's
Swipe left for the next trending thread