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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The dieting in-laws

52 replies

PawPatrol91 · 27/03/2022 13:16

I think I just need a rant mumsnet, please let me vent!

So I have a really good relationship with the in-laws generally, even though I think we're quite different on a lot of things. Recently they've been getting very into dieting and being as healthy as they can be, as has DH. Not a problem with that, great. But it is ALL THEY CAN TALK ABOUT. Literally, the first thing out of their mouths when they come over is how many calories they had for breakfast. Or commenting on the food order I've just had delivered. They're following keto/carnivore diet, and are just getting so preachy about how amazing it is, and how they can't understand how anyone could bear to eat sugar or carbs anymore. Go on about how their blood is being cleansed and so on. I can just blank it out and talk to DD, but aaagh it's so boring! I can't even really have a discussion with them about it, as anything other than fawning over their food is seen as criticism. I just don't get the idea of the carnivore diet? A plate of mince and a burger is NOT amazing, please someone agree with me??

On a different note, I'm wondering how to approach this given that I've got 2 daughters (just 1 and 3 at the moment). I'm worried all this obsessing over food could affect them growing up. How does everyone else approach this? I've got no problem with anyone being on a diet, but DH thinks that talking about it will make them more aware of food, while I think that just letting them enjoy food while being aware of how to be healthy is the key. I don't want them to develop an eating disorder as a result of the rest of their family making it the only topic of conversation! DH also does intermittent fasting and I don't want to give them the wrong idea that to lose weight they need to stop eating. What's everyone else's thoughts around this?

Thanks for letting me rant, I hate the preaching and no one else gets it!

OP posts:
Underfrighter · 27/03/2022 14:34

I wouldnt want them talking about calories, good and bad foods etc infront of my children, I think it's a dangerous thing for children to see people cutting out entire food groups that they (the children) need to be healthy. And any child therapist or health visitor etc would say the same.

They are probably too young to pick up on it now so I'd smile and nod for a while and hope that they calm down when it's not new any more. If they are still doing it in a few months then I'd ask them not to talk about their diets in front of the children

Original poster
PawPatrol91 · 27/03/2022 14:39

They talk about calories all the time! They think they're better than people on other diets as there's isn't a 'fad'. But they're just as worried about calories like everyone else! I don't want my children to feel guilty or ashamed of having sugar or carbs, as I know that they lead to a bad relationship with food. I don't know how to approach it with DH as he thinks I'm attacking his way of eating. I've explained that I don't care what he eats, but I don't want my 10 year old daughter (in the future) saying she's going keto and doing intermittent fasting to lose weight! They've been a bit obsessed with food for years but never this bad, so I don't think it's going away anytime soon!

OP posts:
Original poster
PawPatrol91 · 27/03/2022 14:40

And it's definitely not the right message to say that cutting out fruit and veg completely is the best thing. Whatever the pros may be, I can't see any!

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 27/03/2022 14:41

Mental obviously

But just pick a moment and tell them no more diet or any related chat in the house. Eating disorders are rampant (grab a stat) and you don’t want your kids hearing it. Totally socially acceptable, make your gut DH supports and pull them up on it.

By the time your daughters are actually sentient they’ll have dropped it, never fear.

SexyLittleNosferatu · 27/03/2022 14:42

I work with people like this and it is exhausting. It's just so bloody boring. These people have no personality other than "dieting". I've refused to engage, can you do that?

It winds my colleagues up because I'm fat and very happy. They seem to think I should hate myself and want to talk about calories 9-5 Grin

SexyLittleNosferatu · 27/03/2022 14:43

But just pick a moment and tell them no more diet or any related chat in the house

I agree with this. Doesn't have to kick off or be rude just, no more.

TibetanTerrah · 27/03/2022 14:47

Surely it is a fad though? Isn't it basically eating nothing but meat? The very definition of a faddy diet...

Diet preachers are as bad as vegan preachers and born again Christians Grin

I've gone on health kicks myself but never talk about it. As a PP said just find a quiet moment and basically ban diet talk in front of the DC.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 27/03/2022 14:51

They are a bit confused if they are calorie counting on Keto. 😂

TabithaTittlemouse · 27/03/2022 14:53

Just say ‘we don’t focus on food in front of the children please’.

tiredanddangerous · 27/03/2022 15:05

The thing with diets like keto is that they aren't sustainable long term. Wait til they've fallen off the dieting wagon then have your fun Grin

hashbrownsandwich · 27/03/2022 15:05

Can you announce you've become vegan just for temporary shits and giggles?

Seriously though restrictive eating of any kind is bad news around kids no matter how young, I say that as someone who has not only grown up with an eating disorder but also as someone who works in a professional capacity with patients who are still suffering well into adulthood.

I think you need to get DH on board and explain, each to their own but in your household you will be promoting a sensible balanced diet which includes all the food groups in their proportions.

Zoom101 · 27/03/2022 15:07

YANBU

I quit a job once because the team I worked with was obsessed with calorie counting and I didn’t need to know how many calories were in everything that passed my lips at work! Drove me nuts!

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 15:11

My colleague and I are like this at the moment, we are the diet bores and you have my sympathy.

Its worse when people start WW or SW and start going on about 'oh you can eat so much free food'

Nearly everyone falls off the wagon, they wont stick to it, but I agree with the others, make it clear that there is no food focus or diet talk in front of the children.

Midlifemusings · 27/03/2022 15:13

That is weird because the keto / carnivore diet is about getting away from counting calories. They usually don't have that much of a focus on calories at all.

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 15:14

@Midlifemusings

That is weird because the keto / carnivore diet is about getting away from counting calories. They usually don't have that much of a focus on calories at all.
Not necessarily, at the risk of boring people, if you are wanting to use CICO to maintain or lose weight, then you can do that and use low carb as a way to make it easier. Its hard to count calories if you eat cars (or the recommended amount) because it makes you hungry
pigsDOfly · 27/03/2022 15:15

Sounds extremely unhealthy if they're just eating meat and it's not something they should think of as a long term diet.

Yes, you need to let them know that weird faddy eating habits are not something you want talked about around your children. Although, probably better to put it in a more tactful way.

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 15:15

not eating cars obviously

Carbs

TabithaTittlemouse · 27/03/2022 15:17

@bellac11 cars sounds far more exciting

PinkiOcelot · 27/03/2022 15:28

Try sitting there yawning. How boring.

Original poster
PawPatrol91 · 27/03/2022 15:30

I'm so glad people agree, it is so dull!! And yes it is fad, and as soon as it's over it'll be a new one. Probably vegetarian to annoy me with their fickleness! I don't know if they are calorie counting, but MIL has asked in a very pointed way how many calories are in a scotch egg while I was eating it, and they came over yesterday and told us proudly how few calories were in what they had for breakfast that morning. But then they laugh at 'diet bores' for being on diets, because everyone is uneducated and looking for a quick fix, unlike them who have found the perfect sustainable 'way of life', not diet Hmm I'm so glad I can vent, it's absolutely driving me mad. I don't mind telling them no diet talk, but I do have to have a word with DH to make sure he's backing me up. He just thinks it's too soon to worry about it, but if it's something they grow up hearing it's too late to stop it by the time they're preteens. His parents don't tend to look towards 'conventional sources for information and prefer randoms on YouTube, so I don't even know if getting a doctor/health visitors opinion is an option for this.

OP posts:
Original poster
PawPatrol91 · 27/03/2022 15:30

They can talk about cars for hours aswell, I miss those days!

OP posts:
Redsquirrel5 · 27/03/2022 15:34

Oh dieters are the worst kind of boring people. We had this at work as several following SW. I thought if I heard about ‘dirty rice’ once more I would take it out of the microwave and throw it at them.

I feel your pain. I would ban it in my house. I agree it isn’t good for children especially young ones and can make them faddy feeders.
Tell your DH to discuss it with his GP.

godmum56 · 27/03/2022 15:38

I'd be changing the subject A LOT.
I always think that lifestyle bores of any description are doing it because they need approval and lack confidence. people who are sure and comfortable about what they are doing just get on with it....so f you are feeling mean it may be worth working that into the conversation!

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 15:39

I disagree, unless the husband has some specialist need he really does not want to be wasting public money bothering a GP asking whether to do intermittent fasting!!

And OP, in a way your husband is right, your children will hear about it, far too soon, from other kids at school but that doesnt mean it has to be replicated at home.

Midlifemusings · 27/03/2022 15:43

@bellac11

Keto isn't a CICO approach to food or dieting. One of the reasons people like keto is because once they have cut out carbs, they don't have to worry as much about calories. It isn't a calorie counting approach to food.