The dieting in-laws

[PawPatrol91]

I think I just need a rant mumsnet, please let me vent!

So I have a really good relationship with the in-laws generally, even though I think we're quite different on a lot of things. Recently they've been getting very into dieting and being as healthy as they can be, as has DH. Not a problem with that, great. But it is ALL THEY CAN TALK ABOUT. Literally, the first thing out of their mouths when they come over is how many calories they had for breakfast. Or commenting on the food order I've just had delivered. They're following keto/carnivore diet, and are just getting so preachy about how amazing it is, and how they can't understand how anyone could bear to eat sugar or carbs anymore. Go on about how their blood is being cleansed and so on. I can just blank it out and talk to DD, but aaagh it's so boring! I can't even really have a discussion with them about it, as anything other than fawning over their food is seen as criticism. I just don't get the idea of the carnivore diet? A plate of mince and a burger is NOT amazing, please someone agree with me??

On a different note, I'm wondering how to approach this given that I've got 2 daughters (just 1 and 3 at the moment). I'm worried all this obsessing over food could affect them growing up. How does everyone else approach this? I've got no problem with anyone being on a diet, but DH thinks that talking about it will make them more aware of food, while I think that just letting them enjoy food while being aware of how to be healthy is the key. I don't want them to develop an eating disorder as a result of the rest of their family making it the only topic of conversation! DH also does intermittent fasting and I don't want to give them the wrong idea that to lose weight they need to stop eating. What's everyone else's thoughts around this?

Thanks for letting me rant, I hate the preaching and no one else gets it!

Growing children need a different diet to adults; plenty of carbs, fat , protein fruits and vegetables. And the only conversation they need about food is how wonderful it all is and what are they going to try next. I would not want any such complete joy drains around small children.
If your in laws think they are going to enjoy their new thin selves for any length of time they are in for a surprise.

[quote Midlifemusings]@bellac11

Keto isn't a CICO approach to food or dieting. One of the reasons people like keto is because once they have cut out carbs, they don't have to worry as much about calories. It isn't a calorie counting approach to food.[/quote]
Keto isnt no

But if you are counting calories and you think they are important, then Keto can be a method that people find easier to do

There are no 'rules', people can do what they want and find models they fit with. The fast 800 is similar, it uses keto approaches but sticks to 800s cals (something I have failed to do)

I just say “we don’t say the “F” word or talk about diets in this house”. The “F” word is fat. A totally reasonable request if you have girls.

Just ask them to stop all their non stop fanciful talk about their food and diets. Surely they must know how monotonous their chat can be to other people, that's the only thing you can do, to people who keep banging on about some things.

My standard answer to boring and annoying people like this is
"You do you and your family and I'll do me and my family. I don't tell you how to live yours so do NOT dare try to tell me how to live mine"
The every time they open their mouth about it, tell them to change the subject or fuck off home.

I'd have to roll my eyes big time at a carnivore diet. It'll be shocking for their cholesterol and I can guarantee next year they'll be scoffing down cakes and toast.

But yes, people who obsess over stuff and think others are as interested as they are, are infuriating! I know people very similar. I tend to tell them now "yes, you've said. Let's talk about something else".

Self-declared dietary ‘experts’ should be boiled in oil. Too many people watch one episode of ‘Sugar: Is It Killing You?’ or ‘How Meat Makes You Mad’ and think they know it all.

I remember listening to this vacuous woman when I was hot-desking once blithering on about how ‘bananas are the absolute worst thing you can eat’ and claiming that apples ‘KILL me. Apples literally kill me’. If bloody only. I could have forced a Granny Smith down her throat and saved myself from having to listen to her drivel.

@Ionlydomassiveones

I hate this. My boss, on a 5:2 binge, actually retrieved my soup packet out of the bin once to tell me how many calories there were and why it was terrible. I wanted to say ‘it’s my lunch hour, I don’t give a shit, fuck off’. (I think I said a very ‘respectful and professional’ version of that to her).

I don’t know what you do with your in-laws other than eating a steaming load of lovely fish and chips in front of them, whilst nodding and mmming, and then finish off by passing round the choccy biscuits.

You’re my kind of person

It's really harmful - don't let them go on about it in front of your DDs.

My family used to go on about diets and how awful fat people are, my sister and I both developed eating disorders. Anorexia is bloody awful, I'd not wish it on my worst enemy.

Just eat the biggest sugary donut you can find and make yum sex noises while eating it looking them in the eye.

They sound so boring.

@WomanStanleyWoman

Self-declared dietary ‘experts’ should be boiled in oil. Too many people watch one episode of ‘Sugar: Is It Killing You?’ or ‘How Meat Makes You Mad’ and think they know it all.

I remember listening to this vacuous woman when I was hot-desking once blithering on about how ‘bananas are the absolute worst thing you can eat’ and claiming that apples ‘KILL me. Apples literally kill me’. If bloody only. I could have forced a Granny Smith down her throat and saved myself from having to listen to her drivel.

You need to rock up with a huge bag from Greggs. You and dd eat the lot.

Oh my god the absolute WORST. It's like vegans. I think it's obviously a secret rule of veganism that in order to be a vegan you have to discuss it ALL THE FUCKING TIME

I think DD was probably 3 or 4 when I started trying to put my foot down when her father would say "I wish we didn't have to eat", which he has always been prone to. He doesn't like thinking about food too early in the morning or if he's just eatent or ... seems to make him feel queasy just thinking about it. As a result, when he's hungry he can also get "hangry" quite quickly. And except now and then has things he'd much rather do than prepare food.

I had to explicitly point out to him that he couldn't say some things around the children. He did accept that. As older teens they are showing the same tendencies but I think we've navigated the basics ok.

What other people it is unbelievably boring, YANBU at all.

When they start drivelling on and expect a response just look blank and say "And?" When they say "and what" say "oh I thought you were going to tell me something new/interesting"

They sound tedious.

My H is one for faddy diets. Current one is essentially meat. In the past he had some lentil/ tuna concoction at every meal.

He says me (and ALL the doctors) are not up to date with the science ( this of course changes to reflect the latest fad, previous science always turns out to be wrong) . I do challenge because I don’t want our children to end up with eating disorders. He frequently makes assertions which are backed up by no evidence whatsoever.

The conversation which began with him saying that nobody needs any fruit or vegetables was a memorable one, and included an assertion that nobody in history ever died of scurvy. I’m aware that people living in the far north survive almost exclusively on hunted food, but it seems that to get vitamin c they need to eat the whole animal, including e.g . Seal blubber/ reindeer hooves/ stomach and contents. Mr 2 burgers is clearly not doing that.

You have my deepest sympathies. My wonderful mother has been on a fad diet for about 15 years (no carbs, cabbage soup, 5:2). Gives a running commentary of everything that passes her lips. I’ve gently told her to stop in front of my children. She is better at it now, but I do have to check her. I never comment on my weight/diet in from of my children. I desperately want them to have a healthier relationship with food than I have. I caught my mum telling my son she had a big fat tummy not like his. I took her to one side and told her never to do that.

Obsessing over food / health and the latest 'health kicks' is called orthorexia, it's an eating disorder or at least considered disordered eating and you 100% do not want this behaviour around your children at all. It's dysfunctional behaviour that your PIL have passed on to their son - he is now trying to pass it on to his children..

I suggest listening to the Maintenance Phase podcast - where they debunk all of these faddy bullshit diets and use proper stats and research to do so.

At the end of the day, diets don't work for long term weight loss because 95%+ people cannot maintain long term food restricting. Yo-yo dieting also causes more problems with weight gain long term as well, because you're subjecting your body to continued feast and famine cycles - which can push your weight set-point up and up over your lifetime..

Also, just so boring.

I’ve a ten year old daughter who’s grown up with her extended family members having disordered eating at worst and eating disorders at worst. She was four when she first noticed something wasn’t right. I try and protect her from it and have had to explain about anorexia and she’s very accepting of it. I have dietary requirements for health reasons but I don’t go on and on about it, whereas a couple of our relatives bang on about their chosen dietary lifestyle. She’s perfected the art of eye rolling though!! It’s tricky though and I’ve no idea how it’s all going to affect her, especially when she sees her cousins being affected also.

I really worry about this around my ds. I don't want him thinking it's normal to always be on some sort of diet plan.

I don't eat a lot but I make sure that he sees me eat a meal at least once a day and I never use phrases like 'good' or 'bad' food around him.

I spent a lifetime thinking about food, I really don't want to pass that on to ds. I would tell them not to talk about it around my child. Yanbu.

I'd tell them not to discuss it in front of your DC, especially the 3 year old. When I was 4 my parents went on a supported weightloss plan with the GP and were constantly talking about their diet, how much they weighed and telling me how important it is to not get fat because it's hard to lose weight so better not to gain in the first place.

So 4 is the age I started to worry that I was fat. I was on the bottom centile for both height and weight as a small child and was in no way fat. But at 3 I worried I was. Children definitely absorb that kind of message.

I also wouldn't want someone encouraging my young child not to eat fruit and veg!

I don't think it's too soon to say "we don't do [diet/body] talk in our house granny!" "Remember we don't allow diet talk in our house!", and if you need a reason, "we want our girls to grow up knowing food is morally neutral and we don't comment on other people's eating choices" ad nauseum until they just stop. And yes DP needs to say it too. I started with my parents before my daughter was born! "In our house we don't comment on what other people are eating" etc

Diet talk is so dull. I once worked next to a team whose only topic of conversation was diets. One would be on slimming world, one on weight watchers, one would be going vegan. Then inevitably someone would bring in doughnuts and there would be a looooong and ridiculous conversation about hmmm should I have a doughnut? Shall I go halves? I’ll look up the syns etc. I used to have to put on my headphones and listen to true crime podcasts to tune them out.

People on keto tend to get especially preachy. Admittedly, it does work well, but it’s definitely one of those diets where people get really evangelical about it and then quietly drop it a few months later. So perhaps they’ll naturally move onto other things once they can no longer resist chips.