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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset over Mother’s Day AIBU

53 replies

Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 11:44

I’m not sure if I’m BU or not or I have every right to be upset, I do suffer from anxiety which has been worse this past week so I’m often unsure as to whether my feelings are valid or not.
So DP knows that I really like Mother’s Day or just any type of annual event, I like to celebrate Father’s Day even though he never sees the point (so already I should know what to expect..) he doesn’t even remember to say happy Mother’s Day to his own mum half the time and rolls his eyes and huffs when I mention it. We have two DC’s, one of which is 5 and came home with the most sweetest of gifts they’d been making in class, I was happy with this obviously!
Last night I reminded DP (after he came to bed at 2am) that I’d like him to get up with the girls and make me some coffee maybe have a sneaky lie in as i can honestly count on my one hand the amount of times I’ve lain in since having DC over 5 years ago. He got annoyed with me but begrudgingly agreed. I end up sleeping on the sofa because I couldn’t sleep and was woken up my DC coming in crying about her tablet, can I have some milk and all that stuff - DP seemingly still asleep. I send DC upstairs to ask their dad as I’m half awake and supposed to get some sort of a lie in, he begrudgingly wakes up and sorts it out but by that point I’m already awake and helping out (so to speak.) no happy Mother’s Day from anyone, he didn’t even tell them it was today (the youngest won’t understand anyway) he brings me coffee and then just sits staring at his phone - obviously in a bad mood that he’s had to sacrifice his lie in..
A little later on and he’s making himself breakfast and when I say can I have some he just complains that there’s not enough eggs, I sort the girls out with breakfast, getting dressed etc. Anyway so he has now retreated outside in the garden to “get some of this work done whilst it’s still quiet) Hmm even though I’ve been sorting everything out. I mentioned to him that I said yesterday I wanted to go for a walk today and he’s just got huffy saying “you want me to go to my mums, you want me to go for a walk at this point it’s just easier to agree with anything you say” completely just missing the point that it’s Mother’s Day and he should just want to do both. I’ve managed to persuade him to go into town to get his mum something nice, but even that is met with huffing and moaning. ANYWAY I’ve now just retreated upstairs to wine about this on mumsnet and he’s outside in the garden with the DC. Not sure if I have a right to be annoyed just thought I’d share..

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 27/03/2022 11:57

Youre heading into determined martyr territory that doesnt even make you happy.

Just chill out enjoy Mothers Day, why focus it all upon what a man does and doesnt do? & if he doesnt get his Mum something - so what?

Just leave it. Have a relaxed day

Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 11:59

You’re probably right..I’m quite close to his mum and whenever it’s Mother’s Day and doesn’t get anything (not even a happy Mother’s Day) she gets sad..so just thought I’d mention it to him, maybe I should just back away Smile

OP posts:
TheMarvelousMrsMaisel · 27/03/2022 12:00

Mother's Day is about spending time with your kids. Stop focusing on your grumpy partner and what he does and doesn't do.

StanleyGreen · 27/03/2022 12:03

@TheMarvelousMrsMaisel

Mother's Day is about spending time with your kids. Stop focusing on your grumpy partner and what he does and doesn't do.
I'm sure she spends time every day with her kids Hmm
Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 12:05

I do spend every day with them, I’m a stay at home mum and he works very long hours sometimes up to 80 a week..but I appreciate that I could be less of a whinge bag

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 27/03/2022 12:06

Your husband is Inconsiderate and selfish I mean he can't even be arsed to send his mum a card it is sad, however you maybe need to sort your own mothers day from now on go out with your children make a fuss of yourself he's not going to change .

Ponoka7 · 27/03/2022 12:07

Have you explained that it makes his Mum unhappy when he doesn't show that she's appreciated? My DH didn't get it, but did the necessary present buying/phoning etc without complaint. I used to organise my own day and he complied. I agree with salvaging the day, do something fun with your children. Personally I'd want him to grab a cake and all go to his Mum's. Cake makes things better.

Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 12:09

Well I’m now sat outside in the gorgeous weather (DP still digging his patio in the garden Hmm but I’m with the kids. Just internally upset that’s all. I’ll will go to his mums with the girls and make her Mother’s Day special as mine is going to have to be self organised from now on, which is a shame Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 12:10

I have said it makes her sad and he just huffs, it’s absolutely ridiculous

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 27/03/2022 12:11

It is a shame that he isn't Interested and so self absorbed because that's what it is, it doesn't interest him so he doesn't see the point.

Hidethecrisps · 27/03/2022 12:13

Do something easy and fun with the children that you'd enjoy too and leave him to it if he doesn't want to come. Feed the ducks, go for ice cream? When your children are a little older they'll want to make more of a fuss for you and will probably have some lovely ideas themselves.

lakeswimmer · 27/03/2022 12:15

I think the problem here is that you're making it all about Mother's Day and focusing on one day when the problem is that you have an uneven division of labour when it comes to childcare.

Your DP thinks the children are your responsibility all the time rather than, when he's not at work, half his responsibility too. If you took it in turns to have weekend lie-ins then you wouldn't be putting a big emphasis on Mother's Day and making it more important than it is.

I think you need to have a conversation about him pulling his weight at the weekends and stop focusing on Mothers Day which he doesn't see as very important.

Kdubs1981 · 27/03/2022 12:16

I totally understand why you're upset and disappointed. It shows a lack of care and respect for you and everything you do for them all.

But I agree with previous posters. You have to make a decision about how to respond. Don't let it spoil things for you. Just do it without him. And stop doing anything for Father's Day.

c9590 · 27/03/2022 12:17

I hear you. In my opinion It's a day to feel appreciated for what you do as a mother for your children but also what we do on the daily that supports our partners. I believe that's why it's disappointing and hurtful when partners don't acknowledge the day.

It's my first Mother's Day, I told my husband in advance about it and my expectations. Including why it's so important to me. Sadly he's not even said happy Mother's Day. Let alone a card or anything else. He even left to go to the office (he didn't need to go). So I too am on here feeling a bit disheartened.

Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 12:17

I have tried to have a conversation about having weekend lie ins, so many times and it’s reduced me to tears - but his answer is that his job is more hectic and he needs the rest. There’s just no point in trying to reason with him on that

OP posts:
Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 12:19

@c9590

I hear you. In my opinion It's a day to feel appreciated for what you do as a mother for your children but also what we do on the daily that supports our partners. I believe that's why it's disappointing and hurtful when partners don't acknowledge the day.

It's my first Mother's Day, I told my husband in advance about it and my expectations. Including why it's so important to me. Sadly he's not even said happy Mother's Day. Let alone a card or anything else. He even left to go to the office (he didn't need to go). So I too am on here feeling a bit disheartened.

I’m really sorry Flowers I hope you end up making the most out of the beautiful day!
OP posts:
RiojaRose · 27/03/2022 12:22

He sounds really tedious. Are you not utterly bored with this kind of behaviour? The self-centredness, the huffing… so childish. And you already have actual children. He sounds a bit pointless.

RedHelenB · 27/03/2022 12:23

@Blondefancy

I do spend every day with them, I’m a stay at home mum and he works very long hours sometimes up to 80 a week..but I appreciate that I could be less of a whinge bag
That's more than 11 hour days. No wonder he's shattered. Enjoy what your 5 year old has done for you, get some rest now while he's with the kids and stop being a martyr, let him sort his own mother out.
Mrsjayy · 27/03/2022 12:23

Oh of course his very important job that he needs to rest for I mean getting up on any Sunday is beneath him.

Perfect28 · 27/03/2022 12:23

Surely mothers day is about putting mum first. I quite appreciate a little break from my baby! He sounds like a douchebag. Going forward you need to have a proper chat about division of labour. At the weekend you both get a lie in. Etc..

Mrsjayy · 27/03/2022 12:25

Not too shattered to dig in his garden though Confused

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/03/2022 12:27

Don’t get some of these comments- ‘relax, don’t focus on your partner, spend time with your kids and focus on them’. Op spends time with her kids everyday! She wanted one day when SHE was the focus of attention and her useless DP couldn’t even facilitate that! Some mummy Martrs on here will tell you that’s selfish, but it’s really not too much to ask.

Don’t do a thing for father day OP (but do do something nice for you that day)

Shoxfordian · 27/03/2022 12:27

Has he always been this shit?

StrawberrySanta · 27/03/2022 12:27

I can relate to this OP, my DH came to the kitchen to his Xbox controller floating in a sink of water by our 3 year old. He was mad, I said it's not his fault (ASD and has less understanding of things than a usual 3yo) so he's now sulking. Time passes, i'm getting more annoyed that he hasn't acknowledged mother's day. I know full well he just grabbed what he could from Tesco yesterday (even though I told him weeks ago mother's day was coming up)
He finally gave me my moonpig card from the kids which was nice. Plus a box of chocolate and a book (which turns out is the sequel to one I've not read/heard of). I don't want to be ungrateful but I put a lot of thought into things for him and this is what he does for mother's day 🙄 i won't be happy if he's sulking about his xbox all day!! I'm hoping he gets over it so we can have a walk to my mum's this afternoon

Mommabear20 · 27/03/2022 12:30

My DH couldn't even be bothered to book the day off work so I feel you!

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