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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset over Mother’s Day AIBU

53 replies

Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 11:44

I’m not sure if I’m BU or not or I have every right to be upset, I do suffer from anxiety which has been worse this past week so I’m often unsure as to whether my feelings are valid or not.
So DP knows that I really like Mother’s Day or just any type of annual event, I like to celebrate Father’s Day even though he never sees the point (so already I should know what to expect..) he doesn’t even remember to say happy Mother’s Day to his own mum half the time and rolls his eyes and huffs when I mention it. We have two DC’s, one of which is 5 and came home with the most sweetest of gifts they’d been making in class, I was happy with this obviously!
Last night I reminded DP (after he came to bed at 2am) that I’d like him to get up with the girls and make me some coffee maybe have a sneaky lie in as i can honestly count on my one hand the amount of times I’ve lain in since having DC over 5 years ago. He got annoyed with me but begrudgingly agreed. I end up sleeping on the sofa because I couldn’t sleep and was woken up my DC coming in crying about her tablet, can I have some milk and all that stuff - DP seemingly still asleep. I send DC upstairs to ask their dad as I’m half awake and supposed to get some sort of a lie in, he begrudgingly wakes up and sorts it out but by that point I’m already awake and helping out (so to speak.) no happy Mother’s Day from anyone, he didn’t even tell them it was today (the youngest won’t understand anyway) he brings me coffee and then just sits staring at his phone - obviously in a bad mood that he’s had to sacrifice his lie in..
A little later on and he’s making himself breakfast and when I say can I have some he just complains that there’s not enough eggs, I sort the girls out with breakfast, getting dressed etc. Anyway so he has now retreated outside in the garden to “get some of this work done whilst it’s still quiet) Hmm even though I’ve been sorting everything out. I mentioned to him that I said yesterday I wanted to go for a walk today and he’s just got huffy saying “you want me to go to my mums, you want me to go for a walk at this point it’s just easier to agree with anything you say” completely just missing the point that it’s Mother’s Day and he should just want to do both. I’ve managed to persuade him to go into town to get his mum something nice, but even that is met with huffing and moaning. ANYWAY I’ve now just retreated upstairs to wine about this on mumsnet and he’s outside in the garden with the DC. Not sure if I have a right to be annoyed just thought I’d share..

OP posts:
Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 12:33

@StrawberrySanta

I can relate to this OP, my DH came to the kitchen to his Xbox controller floating in a sink of water by our 3 year old. He was mad, I said it's not his fault (ASD and has less understanding of things than a usual 3yo) so he's now sulking. Time passes, i'm getting more annoyed that he hasn't acknowledged mother's day. I know full well he just grabbed what he could from Tesco yesterday (even though I told him weeks ago mother's day was coming up) He finally gave me my moonpig card from the kids which was nice. Plus a box of chocolate and a book (which turns out is the sequel to one I've not read/heard of). I don't want to be ungrateful but I put a lot of thought into things for him and this is what he does for mother's day 🙄 i won't be happy if he's sulking about his xbox all day!! I'm hoping he gets over it so we can have a walk to my mum's this afternoon
That’s so shit! Angry yes i think we should all make our own Mother’s Day plans next year!! I would spend it with my mum but she lives other side of the country, am seeing her soon though!! I sent her a card, got her some nice bits for when I see her and rang her this morning! It doesn’t cost much to make someone feel loved Hmm
OP posts:
Whatsmyname100 · 27/03/2022 12:36

I honestly couldn't be with someone like this. If dh had me feel that I needed to beg my way through anything, I would be out of there. You had to forewarn him you wanted a basic cup of coffee in the morning, lurk around hoping for some breakfast, beg for a walk and basically feel so disrespected. He sounds so pathetic.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/03/2022 12:47

@Whatsmyname100

I honestly couldn't be with someone like this. If dh had me feel that I needed to beg my way through anything, I would be out of there. You had to forewarn him you wanted a basic cup of coffee in the morning, lurk around hoping for some breakfast, beg for a walk and basically feel so disrespected. He sounds so pathetic.
AGREED! He sounds like a massive dick. You deserve better OP
Bryzoan · 27/03/2022 12:47

You are not alone. This year I fixed up a day out with our family, my mum and my sister’s family to get around a very similar annual problem. Then we all got covid so isolating and back to square 1. Mother’s Day and my birthday are usually my 2 least favourite days of the year.

grumpygiraffe · 27/03/2022 13:24

You want Mothers Day to be special but he does nothing. He isn't interested in Fathers Day but you make a big deal of it. You're as bad as each other - giving the other one what you'd like rather than what they'd like.

But he does sound selfish. Why does he get all the eggs? As other posters have said, the problem isn't really about today.

SickAndTiredAgain · 27/03/2022 13:33

I agree with PPs, Mother’s Day isn’t the biggest issue. Why have you had no lie-ins and he whines anytime he doesn’t get one, for example? Why does he make himself breakfast and not consider anyone else?
Even if he’d gone all out for Mother’s Day, it wouldn’t make up for being shit the other 364 days a year.

ColourMeExhausted · 27/03/2022 13:42

He sounds like a selfish manchild. Really sorry OP Flowers you deserve a lie in and time for you on this day! All posters castigating OP, she's hardly asking for a full day off or fancy meal out!

FairWindClearSailing · 27/03/2022 13:51

Sounds like you have bigger problems than mother's day

toomanydogsandcats · 27/03/2022 13:57

It's all crazy anyway but for me, needing to be a mother this much on one day of the year is sad when you don't get it I would prefer an engineer day or a most gas refined into LNG day but I get why you may want a day a 6ear with a lie in although I literally cannot imagine your life. So you may be reasonable but also maybe need to realise that other people also have pressure and may not feel the same as you

Herejustforthisone · 27/03/2022 13:58

Your partner sounds selfish and fairly horrible to be around. Sad

toomanydogsandcats · 27/03/2022 14:02

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 14:12

@grumpygiraffe

You want Mothers Day to be special but he does nothing. He isn't interested in Fathers Day but you make a big deal of it. You're as bad as each other - giving the other one what you'd like rather than what they'd like.

But he does sound selfish. Why does he get all the eggs? As other posters have said, the problem isn't really about today.

I just want to pass it on to the kids that appreciating all that a parent does for them is a nice thing to do! Not every day of the year is mum/dad day, I only do handmade cards and a nice breakfast not exactly going all out - Ah well lesson learnt for next year Smile
OP posts:
Floralnomad · 27/03/2022 14:16

I just don’t see what enjoyment you would get out of a coffee and a lie in if you’ve had to actually tell someone that that’s what they have to do .

Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 14:18

@Floralnomad

I just don’t see what enjoyment you would get out of a coffee and a lie in if you’ve had to actually tell someone that that’s what they have to do .
Yeah that’s part of the problem. It’s why I’ve given up asking for lie in’s in general because it’s just met with him being annoyed at me. I was just adamant that I wanted coffee this morning because I know that it would feel nice on Mother’s Day - but lesson learnt just not to bother asking again because, like you say, it isn’t particularly enjoyable being huffed at. It sounds depressing I know
OP posts:
ThenAgainMaybeIWont · 27/03/2022 14:29

Stop tip toeing around this self absorbed twat. Honestly the things that some women put up with

Tell him. Just tell him. And throw in that you'll divorce him if he doesn't step up. And mean it

This isn't about Mother's Day. This is about how he sees you and he doesn't see you as someone worthy of treating well - it doesn't matter that he doesn't see a point to the day. You do and that's enough

Stop martyring yourself

neverbeenskiing · 27/03/2022 16:00

Mother's Day is a red herring. You have bigger problems. He never gets up with the kids on weekends, he makes breakfast for himself and doesn't even consider that you might want to eat too, he huffs or sulks if you ask him to do anything and he's so selfish that he doesn't even care if his actions hurt his own Mother's feelings. Of course he's going to be thoughtless and self-centred on Mother's Day if he's inherently thoughtless and self-centred the other 364 days of the year. I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess he doesn't makes fuss of you on your birthday or your anniversary either?

Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 16:09

@neverbeenskiing

Mother's Day is a red herring. You have bigger problems. He never gets up with the kids on weekends, he makes breakfast for himself and doesn't even consider that you might want to eat too, he huffs or sulks if you ask him to do anything and he's so selfish that he doesn't even care if his actions hurt his own Mother's feelings. Of course he's going to be thoughtless and self-centred on Mother's Day if he's inherently thoughtless and self-centred the other 364 days of the year. I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess he doesn't makes fuss of you on your birthday or your anniversary either?
Oddly enough he’s actually normally good with birthdays and anniversaries
OP posts:
Gizacluethen · 27/03/2022 16:28

I think a man that can upset his mum and not care is no kind of man at all.

cherryonthecakes · 27/03/2022 16:37

Mother's Day is not the problem here. He has no respect for your role as mother. Yanbu to expect one morning a week to be a lie in (I assume he works 5 days a week) Just ask if he prefers Saturday or Sunday morning and you have the other.

Does he ever look after the kids on their own ? He clearly thinks that it's easy compared to his job but he's conveniently forgetting that his job would be much harder if you weren't at home taking care of things.

Tea in bed and a lie in is hardly high maintenance and yanbu to request that. For Father's Day, treat it as a normal day if that's what he prefers. It will annoy you less if you're not putting in the effort too.

HermioneWeasley · 27/03/2022 16:40

He’s a Selfish man child. He’s completely disrespectful of your contribution to the family and household - who is enabling him to work 80 hours/week hmmm? You - taking care of his kid, feeding them, sorting homework and school uniform and cleaning the house.

I cannot stand men like this. Honestly, how can you even bare to look at him when he thinks so little of you. Is this what you want your daughters to learn about relationships?

CakelsLife · 27/03/2022 16:51

@Blondefancy

I do spend every day with them, I’m a stay at home mum and he works very long hours sometimes up to 80 a week..but I appreciate that I could be less of a whinge bag
He is working a ridiculous amount of hours! Yes he could have done more to spoil you but you should be giving him a break!
AtrociousCircumstance · 27/03/2022 16:54

Sorry you’re in a relationship with a piece of shit partner.

Original poster
Blondefancy · 27/03/2022 17:05

@cherryonthecakes

Mother's Day is not the problem here. He has no respect for your role as mother. Yanbu to expect one morning a week to be a lie in (I assume he works 5 days a week) Just ask if he prefers Saturday or Sunday morning and you have the other.

Does he ever look after the kids on their own ? He clearly thinks that it's easy compared to his job but he's conveniently forgetting that his job would be much harder if you weren't at home taking care of things.

Tea in bed and a lie in is hardly high maintenance and yanbu to request that. For Father's Day, treat it as a normal day if that's what he prefers. It will annoy you less if you're not putting in the effort too.

He does look after them when I need him to yes, so when I go away from time to time on trips with my friends. In so many ways he is wonderful but then he lets himself down by prioritising his own down-time over mine. Like I say he works very long hours, and even when he’s home he has to take calls etc and his in “work mode” it becomes difficult. If he didn’t work so much I wouldn’t have the luxury of being at home with my kids, which is something I am grateful for (although appreciate it’s not everyone’s ideal!) But I appreciate everyone’s opinion and there’s a sit down that needs to be had about how we work on both getting what we want.
OP posts:
ScrumptiousBears · 27/03/2022 17:25

I've had a shit Mother's Day as well Op so I know how you feel. Thanks

NoKnickerElastic · 27/03/2022 18:08

Just here for a moan myself. Have 2 teenagers. They gave me a shared card, last minute scrawled upstairs after I'd already got up. No actual mention of happy mother's day, just a card sort of thrown in my direction!! Trying not to be too upset, I know teens are self absorbed but furious with DH for not giving them a nudge in the direction of the flower shop. As petty as it may be, I will not be issuing any reminders about father's day in June.