mothers day/fathers day equivalence?

[mumbug]

AIBU that Mothers Day is more significant than Fathers Day? My husband is ignoring Mothers Day because I ignored Fathers Day. Is he being a dick or am I for thinking he is?

Surely mothers day is about acknowledging the unpaid extra work that women do, whereas fathers day is just made up to sell cards or whatever?

Vote yes, they're equivalent and IBU
Vote no, mothers day trumps fathers day

Why did you ignore fathers day?

If your relationship is so tit for tat, should you really be in it?

It was just a holiday for domestic servants to go back to their "mother" church once a year. Now it's just consumerist fluff. Best ignored.

Father's Day is even worse - just added to the calendar to even things out/squeeze more ££ out of people through emotional blackmail.

And yes, yabu. Unless there's a massive drip feed coming.

You both sound pathetic.

Why did you ignore Father's Day?

Is your relationship very unequal?

I think they are the same I would treat both the same.

It has it's history in Christian families visiting their 'mother church' one Sunday in Lent. If you are still very religious then yanbu. Otherwise you are. Unless you work for Hallmark.

Well if you don't celebrate fathers day then would be logical to assume that as a household you wouldn't celebrate mother's day.

How old are the children?

Yabu. You can't ignore father's day & expect your husband to plan anything for mothers day.
Don't agree with tit for tat in relationships but do think it's unreasonable to expect a fuss on mothers day when You aren't willing to do the same on father's day. You either think they are just money making schemes for card companies or don't. Not one is and the other isn't.

I am not a mum so presenting an impartial view - I don't think one trumps the other. Mother's Day in its present form is equally 'made up to sell cards' (the origin of 'mothering Sunday' had nothing to do with honouring mothers). I don't mean to say it's not a lovely thing to celebrate but it's not fair to do one without the other.

Even if it did trump it, ignoring Father’s Day all together is shit, and I would have ignored Mother’s Day for you too. Your marriage sounds like a right barrel of laughs.

Why did you ignore Father’s Day? Do you have kids? Did you forget or do it on purpose? Initial views are that you both seem a bit childish and petty TBH, but no I don’t think Mother’s Day “trumps” Father’s Day. Also I think your assumptions about why this might be the case, and who does the unpaid work are a bit sexist and outdated.

Unless he literally doesn't do a thing for you, your family or your DC, you are absolutely being a dick. Even if YOU didn't do anything, I don't understand how you couldn't have gotten him something from the DC.

I think Mother's Day is more important because of the role of mothers in society, pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, caring etc. however I absolutely do celebrate Father's Day because I have a wonderful father and my DS has a wonderful father too - and they both deserve to have a lovely day.

If they don’t have kids this whole conversation would be incredibly weird 😂

It depends on the relationship.

I have sole care of ds. His dad shows up for 6 hours a week, although he hasn't bothered this week or last. And he pays half the school fees which he thinks entitles him to a medal.

I do all caring, loving, parenting. planning, am always there for ds when needed and pay the other half of the school fees gladly.

So in our house, Mother's Day is most definitely more important. I get coffee and warm croissant in bed. And a bunch of tulips.

Both a load of bollocks

Yes, YABU - and you started it, by ignoring F Day first

My husband forgot mother's Day.

We laughed about how he didn't get a card. Because he got up at night to settle baby in the early days, because he doesn't consider him doing childcare as 'babysitting' but just 'parenting' and does his fair share, because he appreciates the unpaid labour and mental load I carry and says so regularly, he effectively celebrates 'mothers day' every day so we do not need breakfast, a card and flowers.

If your relationship needs such trappings I'd suggest you need to re-evaluate how fair it is and whether it's an equal partnership.

I might get a father's Day card, I might not remember, but because my husband and I respect eachother I don't need to worry about it if I do forget.

I know they're hallmark holidays but I think it's nice and healthy for children to reflect on the things their parents do for them and feel gratitude for that, and mothers and father's days present a good opportunity.

My DH helped my DC make cards for me and they chose their own small gifts from a sale at school which also gives them valuable experience in autonomy, thoughtful gift selection and exchanging money for goods.

If my DH was useless yes I'd probably do father's Day through gritted teeth. Luckily he's not. Maybe that's why you're feeling the way you do.

YABU that Mother's Day is more significant. Why did you ignore Father's Day?

They're both made up over hyped days to sell cards and tat.

no drip feed planned and i'm not looking for relationship advice.
ftr our gender roles are quite old fashioned so i feel like every day is fathers day here. we are working on changing things though

anyway, interesting that most people see them as equivalent

We only do Mother's Day.

But that's because I've been a LP since ds was 1 and he's 17 now

But if we had his dad around then I'd see them as equal. When his dad and I were together we both worked and shared the childcare etc.

They are both equally pointless.