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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Prom dress shopping fiasco

86 replies

Cheshirecatwoman · 26/03/2022 20:49

Yes IABU but want to vent after prom dress shopping nightmare with dd.

Yes I should have done research before booking and realised the (ridiculous) prices. They weren’t included on the website though.

Maybe we should have left when I realised that the price I had in mind was £115 pounds less than the cheapest dress.

Yes I should have stood firm instead of being cajoled and coerced by an overzealous saleswoman. (Even though I’d have looked like a horrible parent).

It’s not that we can’t afford it, more that it seems in particularly bad taste, especially in the current climate, to spend so much on one dress. Especially when it doesn’t tick all the boxes and needs altering. The whole thing feels a bit crude.

Dd is very easily led and loves being complimented. She is eager to please and not seem rude. She would look lovely in anything though. I feel that the sales pitch was directly at her, and my queries and misgivings were glossed over. An easy day for the sales assistant……

Basically I should have been an adult but I failed.

OP posts:
NameChangeNameShange · 27/03/2022 09:43

I think you need to change your mindset, it's done and can't be returned, and you can afford it (I'd probably have different advice if you couldn't)

Sit DD down and explain the dress has taken the bulk/all of the budget - so how can you both plan for the rest. Does she have shoes, if not can she borrow? What was she planning for hair etc, how can that be done at home or with friends at low or no cost?

Don't rain on her parade, but do some of the serious planning now that got skipped up front, to make sure you don't compound the problem.

Iwonder08 · 27/03/2022 09:45

OP, come on. The dress is nice, your daughter is happy, you can afford it but most importantly there is nothing you can do about it now as it is non-refundable. Definitely don't say anything to your daughter now. The last thing you need is for her to feel guilty or uneasy. You are the adult and you bought the dress. Take this one for experience

Heronwatcher · 27/03/2022 09:49

Honestly if you can afford it, have a go at getting the shop to take it back, chalk it up to experience and move on.

Jonny1265 · 27/03/2022 09:55

I set a figure of £100 max and said it needed to be a dress she would wear again. We managed to get a very elegant emerald green dress that she has worn for a few formals at uni too. I wasn't prepared to spend a lot of money on something that would be worn once.

balalake · 27/03/2022 09:56

I'd feel the same way about it were I in your shoes OP, not that it makes it any better for you.

Try to get the shop to take it back, if they refuse, then ask for a credit card chargeback.

I don't think any school that enables such as awful, often expensive and heteronormative event, which is probably difficult for many who are neurodiverse, could ever be considered an outstanding school in my opinion.

Onlyforcake · 27/03/2022 10:02

I'm seriously concerned seeing these spends. My daughter attends a school where a group of girls are utterly obsessed by money and unfortunately place their self worth on how much their clothes cost. They also say the absolutely cruelest things (of the specific instructions on how to successfully kill themselves type thing) to anyone who isn't up to their perceived level of spend. As the school have currently barred anyone with anything other than 100% attendance then I think I shall book a holiday instead.

GrazingSheep · 27/03/2022 10:10

Try to get the shop to take it back, if they refuse, then ask for a credit card chargeback.*

She was advised before she paid for it that there is no refund or exchange.
The credit card company will not do a chargeback just because she has changed her mind.

LabelMaker · 27/03/2022 10:11

I'd sell it on now while it's unworn and current

nugget396 · 27/03/2022 10:14

Could you unpick a bit of the stitching and take it back as faulty?

Bubblesgun · 27/03/2022 10:20

JustWonderingIfYou

I am jumping in. I agree with you about teaching our girls and boys to be strong, independant and that external beauty isnt the way to make you feel better.

BUT and it is a big but, it is also important in my view that knowing when to get yourself pampered is important too. Yes it is ok to like the feel of a beautiful outfit on you, to look at yourself in the mirror and feel like a princess/actress wtc who is very glam.

You might beat yourself up, you might have spent too much money but I bet your daughter right now is very excited to have such a dress and you made it happened for her.

Enjoy that moment with her. Not all moments are teaching moments 🥰

LabelMaker · 27/03/2022 10:21

@nugget396

Could you unpick a bit of the stitching and take it back as faulty?
Don't do that that's a really awful message to send DD
Herecomesthesun2022 · 27/03/2022 10:23

@nugget396

Could you unpick a bit of the stitching and take it back as faulty?
That is an absolutely shameful suggestion. And agree - a terrible message to send DD
VeryMuchFlaggingMinty · 27/03/2022 10:24

@Onlyforcake

I'm seriously concerned seeing these spends. My daughter attends a school where a group of girls are utterly obsessed by money and unfortunately place their self worth on how much their clothes cost. They also say the absolutely cruelest things (of the specific instructions on how to successfully kill themselves type thing) to anyone who isn't up to their perceived level of spend. As the school have currently barred anyone with anything other than 100% attendance then I think I shall book a holiday instead.
Sounds like the school ought to be doing more about that on a pastoral level.

Honestly it's swings and roundabouts. I'll freely admit but DDs dress was stupid money and still makes me cringe a bit nearly a year later.

But we'd had a spectacularly shit couple of years (over and above Covid) and there were many factors that made me think 'sod it'.

She contributed a hefty chunk towards the dress, paid for her own hair and nails, and had inexpensive shoes and accessories. She did her own make up and the car was a friend of her best mate's dad who owned a vintage American car and the four girls he took chipped in for petrol money as it was in hotel about 10 miles away.

Plenty of her friends (and it was fairly mixed demographic girls schools, some disadvantaged, plenty extremely comfortably off) had high Street dresses and looked fab. A few of the non girly ones were suits...everyone was accepted and had a great time.

RJnomore1 · 27/03/2022 10:59

Oh for gods sake don’t NOW tell her there’s no money for nails and shoes (unless there isn’t). The time to give a budget if you were doing so was before dress shopping.

Also just to point out that if children look down on others with less that’s not due to buying them the odd expensive thing. That’s due to a long term parental attitude rubbing off on them. However lunch or little you have it’s possible to teach your kids not to define themselves or others by material things.

dementedpixie · 27/03/2022 11:08

@Skiptheheartsandflowers

If it wasn't on sale, I don't understand how they can say it's non refundable and non exchangable. I do get that they don't want people to wear and return them, but even so. Ring the shop tomorrow, ask for the manager, question this and ask what legislation it is based on as you will check with trading standards. If you returned it straight away unworn that would allow you to think again.
They are under no obligation to refund on an item bought instore unless its faulty.
RosesAndHellebores · 27/03/2022 11:13

I am so relieved that dd, and the entire 6th form didn't get swept along with this nonsense. Their dresses were mostly from ASOS, vinted, etc. DD's was £50. They all looked gorgeous as 18 year olds do. None of them had nails or fake tans. I remember blow drying dd's hair for her. She bought some heels in a charity shop and most of the girls were in flip flops or trainers by the time the dancing started. There were a fair number of jump suits.

The evening started with champagne, canapés and parents attended that part. It was lovely and the girls were fabulous.

I don't think a single parent would have paid £400 for a frock.

Dreambigger · 27/03/2022 11:25

@NameChangeNameShange

I think you need to change your mindset, it's done and can't be returned, and you can afford it (I'd probably have different advice if you couldn't)

Sit DD down and explain the dress has taken the bulk/all of the budget - so how can you both plan for the rest. Does she have shoes, if not can she borrow? What was she planning for hair etc, how can that be done at home or with friends at low or no cost?

Don't rain on her parade, but do some of the serious planning now that got skipped up front, to make sure you don't compound the problem.

This ! It's bought now just draw a line under it..move on...and let dd enjoy it and the experience. You made a mistake but it's not totally ridiculous. It will b a really big mistake if you make her feel really guilty and go on and on about how expensive it was. Set her a budget for the rest of prom things and make sure she has it all booked and planned. It's not the end of the world and is exciting time for her so let it go.
Benjispruce5 · 27/03/2022 11:26

@Onlyforcake they sound horrid. Get her out!

Onlyforcake · 27/03/2022 11:29

She has exams

Mumdiva99 · 27/03/2022 11:33

It's done now. No point feeling bad forever. Make sure your daughter learns what hard sell is and how not to fall for it in future. Then let her enjoy the night. Make sure you take lots and lots of photos. Make sure you can engineer another party she can wear it at.....maybe later in the year a 'come in your prom dress bbq' so at least it gets more than one wear. Or a family 'smart' party so all your family get to see her too.

MacaroniBaloney · 27/03/2022 11:35

Agree with others not to now pass on your buyers remorse onto your daughter.

You got suckered in just as much and your the adult here.

Move forward and make sure the prom is remembered for the right reasons.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 27/03/2022 11:38

What's done is done.

I paid £250 for my leavers ball dress 15 years ago. It's still hung in my wardrobe now and I wear it for events that require a gown (so probably 6 times in those years since)
Take comfort that she may wear it again.

LynetteScavo · 27/03/2022 13:27

You live and learn!

I quite like the whole prom thing, but no way would I even enter a prom dress shop! I too would get sucked in and end up spending £££. DD chose a dress from ASOS and we had it altered (luckily we know a seamstress).

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 27/03/2022 13:35

Luckily my DD is a tomboy and wants a jumpsuit. She hates dresses.

Treaclepie19 · 27/03/2022 13:38

Tey not to feel bad op. For what its worth your dd is likely over the moon and will remember it a long time.
Unpopular opinion I'm sure but I still remember being excited to go to prom and then trying to find something appropriate with £20 when everyone else was in fancy dresses. I felt hideous.

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