Prom dress shopping fiasco

[Cheshirecatwoman]

Yes IABU but want to vent after prom dress shopping nightmare with dd.

Yes I should have done research before booking and realised the (ridiculous) prices. They weren’t included on the website though.

Maybe we should have left when I realised that the price I had in mind was £115 pounds less than the cheapest dress.

Yes I should have stood firm instead of being cajoled and coerced by an overzealous saleswoman. (Even though I’d have looked like a horrible parent).

It’s not that we can’t afford it, more that it seems in particularly bad taste, especially in the current climate, to spend so much on one dress. Especially when it doesn’t tick all the boxes and needs altering. The whole thing feels a bit crude.

Dd is very easily led and loves being complimented. She is eager to please and not seem rude. She would look lovely in anything though. I feel that the sales pitch was directly at her, and my queries and misgivings were glossed over. An easy day for the sales assistant……

Basically I should have been an adult but I failed.

DD hasn’t even started looking. She told me today that people order a load of dresses from boohoo and pick one. I’m up for that. My budget is £100 preferably less. No way will I pay over that for a dress for a 16 year old

@JustWonderingIfYou

Had you not discussed budget with your DD? Or was it an open ended present?

Naively I thought we could just go and have a try on and look at styles and colours and then decide at a later date or shop around elsewhere.

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

No way. Wouldn't she consider a second hand dress?

Yes she would have but didn’t have a clue what style she liked or was flattering to her so naively we thought we’d try on first.

@crimesagainstwine

The dress is not the problem - your parenting and DD's expectations are ...

So how you going to fix that?

I think it is my parenting not dds expectations.

I don’t think I was clear enough beforehand.

I did say we’d just go and look but obviously wasn’t clear enough.

I tried hinting strongly before paying that perhaps we should think about it and consider the options but she didn’t take the hint.

I sentence myself to 50 lashes

Christ almighty! DD got one for £30 off DPop and sold it for the same afterwards, I said I would pay nothing towards it but I did offer other post GCSE treats - I just resent the whole bullshit around girls and how they look. Can you say it doesn't fit and you were pressured? Email the shop and if they refuse when you say you were confused and pressured then contact the credit card company and see if they offer protection. Act quick as I am sure you lose any rights if it is altered. I hope you have some luck, so sorry this happened.

“ - I just resent the whole bullshit around girls and how they look.”

Agree 100%

I feel that I’ve joined the queue of people who think that beauty and self esteem can only come at a high price when I want to be in the queue that rebels against this and teaches the opposite.

Before today I hadn’t thought ahead to the possible repercussions and what it teaches dd.

I had always been a bit anti the whole prom culture and expense and felt that it was a bit ott but have been swept up in it good and proper. It was genuinely like a conveyor belt.

Remembering this for next year..love the chichi ones. Far.more my budget!

If you definitely can't get your money back, and you can afford it anyway, start thinking about who you can pass it onto that might be short of money - eg if there is another local school whose prom is a bit later than your DDs?

I'm a second hand person but I am glad there are people who buy new and pass things on!

My daughter chose a lovely one from ASOS-
Good quality, looks lovely, £40 and free delivery/returns!

@Lunalicious

Proms are a ridiculous American import. YABU for propagating it.

Right. Copied from Presentation Balls at Court? Every bad thing in the world did not start in America. PS - You are celebrating Mother's Day in the wrong month. It's in May.

If it wasn't on sale, I don't understand how they can say it's non refundable and non exchangable. I do get that they don't want people to wear and return them, but even so. Ring the shop tomorrow, ask for the manager, question this and ask what legislation it is based on as you will check with trading standards. If you returned it straight away unworn that would allow you to think again.

@Cheshirecatwoman

Can you ring your credit card and get them to decline the payment?

I remember panicking about a prom dress so much 🤦🏻‍♀️ mine was 14 years ago, and all the girls in my year had bought (or parents had!) ballgowns. My mum came home from Debenhams one day and said look, I've got you a dress in the sale. If you don't like it that's fine it can go back but have a look. It was £12.50, burnt orange/red crepe with a waterfall hem, halterneck, with beautiful beading around the waist. I felt so beautiful in it and even felt it matched up to some of the (rather hideous in retrospect) ballgowns.

@MoiraNotRuby

If you definitely can't get your money back, and you can afford it anyway, start thinking about who you can pass it onto that might be short of money - eg if there is another local school whose prom is a bit later than your DDs?

I'm a second hand person but I am glad there are people who buy new and pass things on!

This is good advice.

Clothes are generally a waste of money and devalue quickly ( yes there are a few exceptions). You only have to see all the second hand designer bargains on eBay.

Let her have the dress and then pass it on to someone who would never be able to buy it normally. Everyone’s a winner.

I’ve just paid around the same for my dds.

Like you I can afford it. She loves it. Yes I could have got her a cheaper one and she would have looked just as gorgeous but you know what, she’s always going to remember i thought she was worth pushing the boat out. I grew up in second hand and pass down clothes, now there’s nothing at all wrong with that but I’ve only realised lately that even when we had money, my parents didn’t spend it on me. I wasn’t worth the investment. Their houses were though.

There’s no way I’d buy trainers etc at that price regularly but as a one off, if as you say you can afford it, you’re making a massive mountain out of a molehill. If it puts you in debt totally different story. Let the girl enjoy it.

Ahhh at least you can afford it. I’d write it off to experience and just let her enjoy it now.
Good idea to cut down on other unnecessary expenses re prom though (make up, car etc)

@USaYwHatNow I love that your mum did that and you loved it! What a result!!

These prom dress shops are trying to make their annual income in 2 months. They’d are grossly overpriced for the girl’s needs. It’s a few hours fgs. If it’s visa credit card I’m pretty sure you can do something op. Ring your credit card company.

@Skiptheheartsandflowers they don’t have to accept returns unless the item is faulty. Most places do but that’s not what is required by law.

Some lovely Chi Chi London ones on TK Maxx today. All around £60.

www.tkmaxx.com/uk/en/women/edits/occasionwear/occasion+party-dresses/pale-blue-leimella-maxi-dress/p/30484502

This is lovely.

What will the credit card company do??

No point telling OP about all the fabulous £60 dresses out their now!

Statutorily, you can't get a refund unless faulty.

Like a pp says, you can afford it, DD loves it, sell it on afterwards and recoup some of the loss.

I think you could try to speak to the shop owner and ask if they work consider accepting the dress back. If not then selling it on next year is probably your only option.

To be fair, the one I bought is a timeless classic shape in navy blue. It’s also adjustable, so ought to fit for a while.

Would look beautiful at a university ball. Or on her younger sister!