Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid

34 replies

Stirling2701 · 26/03/2022 10:59

Last month I met up with an old friend who has made racist comments which have bothered me in the past, but we go back a long way so I have ignored them. I have had three Covid vaccinations and my husband is clinically extremely vulnerable so I am being very careful. I had been under the impression that she too had been vaccinated although she does not wear a mask. Halfway through our meal she told me that she had not had any vaccinations; did not wear a mask; and has never taken a test. I had purposely done a test before meeting her so that I would not put her at any risk. She now wants to meet me again but another friend said that she had been very selfish and I should not go. AIBU?

OP posts:
axolotlfloof · 26/03/2022 11:01

The racism would bother me hugely - don't ignore that.
Her lack of vaccination is unlikely to affect you.
Avoid her for the racism.

Hbh17 · 26/03/2022 11:06

The racism is a huge issue, so could well be a reason not to meet.
The Covid stuff - not so much, because it is here to stay. I am very pro-vaccine & have had all my jabs, which is why I can & do go anywhere & meet anybody.
Testing is pointless & needs to stop ASAP - & presumably this will happen, albeit slowly.
And masks do nothing to prevent infection, as the statistics demonstrate!

zingally · 26/03/2022 11:16

She sounds like a grade A knob! I'd be distancing hard and fast.

KylieCharlene · 26/03/2022 11:21

Great that you've a friend who offers good advice.
Tell the awful 'friend' that you're busy. Forever.

UserError012345 · 26/03/2022 11:26

Unvaccinated is only going to hurt her.

The racism is enough to warrant ditching her.

LittleWins · 26/03/2022 11:27

YABU to ignore the racism. She sounds bloody awful.

Testing isn’t pointless to the previous PP. I tested myself ahead of a big work event and straight to positive so I stayed home. What could possibly be the problem there?

Quartz2208 · 26/03/2022 11:34

So you have ignored her racism in the past but decided that Covid is going to be the hill your friendship dies on.

ilovesooty · 26/03/2022 11:35

I'd have ditched her after the racist comments in the first place.

MarthaFokker · 26/03/2022 11:36

The racism is a red herring here. Not everyone you meet will have had Covid vaccinations or taken a test, in fact there will be a huge number of people who haven't.

How are you going to get through life if it bothers you to this extent? Did flu bother you to this extent? I assume that would be just as bad if your DH caught it?

toomuchlaundry · 26/03/2022 11:37

Why is testing pointless?

CremeEggThief · 26/03/2022 11:38

These are two completely separate issues!

YANBU at all for noy wanting to meet up with a racist.

YABU for expecting anyone to take a test before meeting up or judging anyone's choices wrt masks and vaccinations.

nether · 26/03/2022 11:40

Certain categories of the CEV are still under guidance to mix only with vaccinated people and to have visitors LFT before contact.

It's entirely reasonable for immediate household of CEV to have the same approach.

Especially with someone who sounds unlikeable anyhow

nether · 26/03/2022 11:41

I assume that would be just as bad if your DH caught it?

Your assumption would be wrong. The range of treatments for flu are wider, better, more readily available and not rationed

MarthaFokker · 26/03/2022 11:59

@nether

I assume that would be just as bad if your DH caught it?

Your assumption would be wrong. The range of treatments for flu are wider, better, more readily available and not rationed

I think you can reasonably state that in the OP's husband's case, as we have no idea what's made him CEV.

Either way, if it's that important to the OP she should've checked instead of turning up 'under the impression'.

MarthaFokker · 26/03/2022 12:00

*I don't think

NumericalBlock · 26/03/2022 12:00

I'm amazed that the racism isn't the trigger for your thoughts of not seeing her. That alone is bad enough. She's an utter twat and I'd be telling her she is one.

Original poster
Stirling2701 · 26/03/2022 12:00

I suppose I feel a bit sorry for her because she has few friends or family who keep in touch with her, and she tells me I am one of the only people she can speak to, which is why I have tried to ignore her inappropriate comments in the past although they have really upset me.

OP posts:
MarthaFokker · 26/03/2022 12:01

@Stirling2701

I suppose I feel a bit sorry for her because she has few friends or family who keep in touch with her, and she tells me I am one of the only people she can speak to, which is why I have tried to ignore her inappropriate comments in the past although they have really upset me.
But what does that have to do with Covid and your DH being CEV?

It couldn't be a more separate issue.

Georgeskitchen · 26/03/2022 12:07

People probably don't want to talk to her because of her racist beliefs.
If your husband is CV I would decline to meet her, could be catastrophic for hubby

EthelTheAardvark · 26/03/2022 12:14

@Stirling2701

I suppose I feel a bit sorry for her because she has few friends or family who keep in touch with her, and she tells me I am one of the only people she can speak to, which is why I have tried to ignore her inappropriate comments in the past although they have really upset me.
She has few friends because she's a twat. The kindest thing might be to try to suggest to her that she has a think about whether some of her views might be the reason for her lack of friends. But I don't see why you should feel the need to be friends with someone who clearly despises people for their race and doesn't mind putting your husband at serious risk.
Justgorgeous · 26/03/2022 12:26

Surely only you know whether you are comfortable with this or not. You have to make your own risk assessment. The racism would be a no to seeing her again from me, but everyone has to make their own mind up about covid. I’m surrounded by unvaccinated children every day, so I’m very OK with it all, but I don’t have anyone vulnerable in my family.

nordica · 26/03/2022 12:31

No wonder she doesn't have many people in her life, she doesn't sound like a very nice person. You're not obliged to be her friend if you're not getting anything good out of the relationship.

Original poster
Stirling2701 · 27/03/2022 10:38

@MarthaFokker
My husband has COPD and is 78 in May, so these two things make him doubly vulnerable. I think the 'friend' might have MH issues which is why I make allowances for her.

OP posts:
steff13 · 27/03/2022 10:45

How did she give you the impression she'd been vaccinated? If your husband is vulnerable, why didn't you ask her before meeting if she had been vaccinated?

LimeGreenCoconut · 27/03/2022 10:53

@Stirling2701

I suppose I feel a bit sorry for her because she has few friends or family who keep in touch with her, and she tells me I am one of the only people she can speak to, which is why I have tried to ignore her inappropriate comments in the past although they have really upset me.
Don't ignore the "inappropriate comments"! Explain how harmful, hurtful and wrong they are!!! It upsets you?! So Don't ignore and gloss over them! Confront them! Educate her.