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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU 100% of housework

59 replies

729927luc · 25/03/2022 19:45

Hi, after some impartial advice and I think this could be the place! So... I work 3 days a week as a teacher. My days are long (7-6ish plus some evening work). My husband works 5 days a week from home 9-5 but hours are pretty flexible. On my days off I take/pick up our child from school, have some school work to do and manage to do the vast majority of the housework. I also take full responsibility for the mother's load (if you've seen Motherland!) Basically dealing with all of the day to day parenting decisions (think world book day, reading, homework, pe kits, lunch boxes etc. etc.) I do all the food shopping, all the cooking (even on my work days) 90% of the washing up, all the washing, ironing, pretty much everything. Husband will occasionally have a wipe round in the bathroom if i ask and mow the lawn in the summer but that's it. Hw even needs reminding reminding do the bins which he often forgets so I'm there dragging out before 7 when I leave for work. My aibu is this. If we have a really busy weekend planned, I may ask him to step up and do a bit more so all the jobs are done before I go back to work but he insinuates to me that I should have enough time on my days off to get everything done. But I don't as you can see I do 99% of everything! I find it really exhausting and it makes me feel like I'm slacking! Should i do 100% of everything when I work 3 daysand he works 5?? He often seems a but surprised when I'm still having to do housework etc. on a Sat or Sun but we have a 4 bed house and that's how long it takes! Sorry for rambling I'm feeling exasperated by it all!

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 27/03/2022 12:34

And you need to be the one getting angry here OP, he's the one treating you like the unpaid skivvy

Justcashnosweets · 27/03/2022 12:42

I agree with @AryaStarkWolf. You should be absolutely raging with him. He is a lazy bastard who has no respect for you. Get angry and stop doing anything at all for him until he understands how much you do. As someone else has said, why waste your life skivvying for a lazy ungrateful man?

Whatamesssss · 27/03/2022 14:10

What is he doing when you are running about like a blue arsed fly?

stuntbubbles · 27/03/2022 14:23

said I talk to him like a child. He says I need to tell him what to do as he doesn't know
I mean you could deal with this reasonably – I don’t know how, he’s an arse – or you could SCREAM LIKE A FUCKING BANSHEE IN HIS FACE. Because he’s behaving like a child. What adult in all of humanity needs to be told what to do around the house. The house and its tasks are there! Simply do them! Vaginas are not a keeper of household secrets. God, he’s annoyed me and I don’t even live with him.

FWIW I work three days and DP five. But one of my days “off” isn’t, as I use it to freelance and refuse to do domestic tasks during the day on that day. The day I have with DD things largely fall to me. But mostly when you shake it down we both do 50/50 and both have 50/50 leisure time, because we’re equal partners in this and our jobs are just the bit that facilitates paying the bills, it’s not a competition based on hours worked, when, and how stressful those hours are. It’s more like “do we want mouldy towels or crunchy floor? No. But do we want the other to be at the end of their tether with housework? Also no. Therefore split it”.

Ionlydomassiveones · 27/03/2022 14:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 27/03/2022 14:41

@729927luc

So I spoke to him about it this morning and he just got annoyed and said I talk to him like a child. He says I need to tell him what to do as he doesn't know so I said okay I will. But I'm sad he doesn't see my point of view and now, from the way he's reacted, I feel like the one in the wrong again. I don't understand as well how he can't work put out might need doing? He is banging around upstairs now cleaning the bathrooms and has a mardy face on. What a lovely mother's day. I've been cleaning other rooms this morning, haven't had a break yet today (even though it's mother's day) and am now being made to feel like a cow because I've got to the end of my tether. Can't win...
He can't complain about being spoken to like a child if he's also saying you need to tell him what to do because he doesn't know!
BluebellsGreenbells · 27/03/2022 14:42

Ask him how he’d run a house on his own and have the kids 50:50?

Because you aren’t his mother!

2catsandhappy · 27/03/2022 14:50

Excellent point by @Itloggedmeoutagain

D0lphine · 27/03/2022 15:04

@2catsandhappy

Excellent point by *@Itloggedmeoutagain*
Yes, exactly what I though. He has eyes doesn't he?
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