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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He's angry I'm online dating even though I ended things 3 months ago

66 replies

bananatwain · 24/03/2022 22:02

I ended things with someone 3 months ago. Told him I wasn't ready for a relationship. Was true at the time. My son was settling in to a new nursery and not sleeping. I was recovering from an operation and just not in the right place for a relationship. A lot has changed in 3 months. I am recovered now, my son is sleeping through every night, I'm less tired and decided to start online dating again. I haven't even messaged anyone (not that it matters), I've made an account and am just seeing who is out there (it's dire). Cue the guy I ended things with (who I had only been seeing for 3 months) messaging me with a barrage of messages saying I'm a bitch for telling him I wasn't ready for a relationship and I have screwed him over because he's seen me on online dating. Apparently I couldn't possibly not have been ready for a relationship 3 months ago and be ready now. He even ended with 'if you were ready for a relationship and the fact you weren't ready was why you ended it then why didn't you message me asking to start again rather than go back on online dating?!!!'. I haven't replied yet. Why are people like this? Honestly, some people are unhinged.

OP posts:

TheHoleNineYards · 24/03/2022 23:00

“Sorry. Was I not clear? I don’t want a relationship… with you”

MurmuratingStarling · 24/03/2022 23:04

Fuck me, you dodged a bullet there! He sounds vile!

NarcissistsEyebrows · 24/03/2022 23:05

Surely this is one where the controversial thumbs up emoji is perfect?

Obviously you should block and ignore, but I'd be tempted to send a cheeky👍first

Viviennemary · 24/03/2022 23:09

He is nuts and you had a lucky escape from this male bunny boiler.

HollowTalk · 24/03/2022 23:12

if you were ready for a relationship and the fact you weren't ready was why you ended it then why didn't you message me asking to start again rather than go back on online dating?!!!'

I would just reply with "I didn't want to".

iheartmybeachhut · 24/03/2022 23:19

Don't respond it'll encourage him !

thequeenoftarts · 24/03/2022 23:20

Well hasn't he shown his true colours, very nice of him to do so..Now you know why you got rid, aren't you a lucky lady.

My text to him would read.. I ended it because I didn't want a relationship with you. I have the right to say no, and the abusive messages you are sending me proves I was right to end things with you. Please stop contacting me or I will take your messages to the police and file charges for harassment against you. And then block him

lonelylou09 · 24/03/2022 23:45

Sounds like you were dating my ex as i literally could of copied his messages. I tried for 2 years on and off to please him as he constantly made me feel bad.. In the end i came to my senses and blocked him.

VodselForDinner · 24/03/2022 23:59

He is messaging you via text/WhatsApp?

If so, I’d be so tempted to respond “Hi, who is this?” then block and give yourself a pat on the back for ditching this nutter months ago.

Notimeforaname · 25/03/2022 00:08

Reading your update, I wouldn't reply to him at all.
He sounds unhinged.

DropYourSword · 25/03/2022 01:18

Well I think he has adequately proven he is not the one for you.
Who fucking cares what he thinks!

Newestname002 · 25/03/2022 05:40

@thequeenoftarts

Well hasn't he shown his true colours, very nice of him to do so..Now you know why you got rid, aren't you a lucky lady.

Absolutely yes to this!

Also don't delete his messages - screenshot/save them in case his bad behaviour escalates and you do need to involve the police. 🌹

Butchyrestingface · 25/03/2022 05:59

I wouldn't engage with him at all. He sounds like a nutter.

And yes to screenshooting/saving his texts as evidence.

TibetanTerrah · 25/03/2022 06:08

Well presumably he's on the app too as he saw you'll? Just because someone is on an app doesn't mean they want a "relationship", he's absolutely unhinged.

WomanStanleyWoman · 25/03/2022 06:09

He even ended with 'if you were ready for a relationship and the fact you weren't ready was why you ended it then why didn't you message me asking to start again rather than go back on online dating?!!!'.

I think we ALL need the answer to this question. Why would you throw away the chance to reunite with such a wonderful man?

Planetbippop · 25/03/2022 06:12

I bet his mummy still tucks him in at night! Sounds like a right catch 😂

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/03/2022 06:30

It sounds as though he’s been obsessing over you. You’re the one. You’d come back to him when you’re ready for a relationship etc. I agree with keeping the messages in case he steps it up a notch and you need to get the police involved.

PinaColada123456 · 25/03/2022 06:33

Send him the link to this thread, then block. It will explain to him (not that he deserves an explanation) why you are back on, and it will show him just how unhinged we all think he is. Two birds with the one stone and all that.

BeHappy91818 · 25/03/2022 07:05

Just reply back with ‘who’s this’

MichelleScarn · 25/03/2022 07:11

Don't engage with him, he does not sound like someone who would take being wound up well. Does he know where you live?

FuckThatBullshit · 25/03/2022 07:14

Wow talk about Desperate Dan! 😳

Palavah · 25/03/2022 07:17

Do NOT reply. Block and report him on the OLD and block on WhatsApp.

JingsMahBucket · 25/03/2022 07:20

@whirlygirl

If he knows where you live, I wouldn't goad him. Just perhaps wish him all the best and block.

Good point. Hopefully he doesn’t know where you live or your last name. Lock down your social media tight as well.

FairyLightAddict · 25/03/2022 07:30

Just block and don't engage 🚩🚩

Original poster

bananatwain · 25/03/2022 07:33

Thankfully he has no idea where I live!

OP posts:

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