Married friends finding it tough

[Saintofsanto]

I can't work out if I'm unreasonable or if I have friends who are breathtakingly insensitive but I regularly, regularly have married friends talk at me about the things they find difficult. Like money, when their OH pays the mortgage etc, looking after kids on their own for a few days and how exhausting that is. And I do mean at me because it's not a two way conversation. They don't want to hear my reality.

The important context is that I'm a single parent, Dad not on the scene at all so no free weekend/evenings. No family nearby so need favours or paid babysitter to go out or work late. I pay all my bills, mortgage etc with no benefits or help.

I feel really fortune that I'm not in a miserable relationship, I only have to finance one child, that I'm in well paid industry and have the security of my own home. So I'd never dream of moaning to a SP on benefits and insecure housing.

So am AIBU in thinking my married friends are being insensitive at best...?

YANBU. It's not that they're not allowed to find things hard for whatever reason but they need to have a bit of self awareness about who they're moaning to.

Ok so @chely if you were my friend and talking to me about how difficult it was your husband being away in the army for example and how that made you feel then I'd listen, empathise and be supportive.

If you husband was away with work, earning money and in regular contact but your complaint was that you had to do everything yourself whilst they were away and thinking your single parent had it easy in comparison I'd be doing massive internal eye rolls tbh.

@Natfemale

They are not being unreasonable, but maybe a bit selfish if they never listen back.

But some people just attract confidences, it is something but not totally to do with being ‘a good.listener’. I used to work with a psychologist when I had a similar profession. A lot of our jobs consisted of listening to people , and then analysing and combining information. I once asked whether she also attracted confidences outside her work told and she said ‘ yes, that’s just how some people seem to be. I can sit on a train (this was when they were a lot less full!) and some one will just start to tell me their troubles’. I knew exactly what she meant.

So maybe take it as a compliment; and consider a listening profession if you are not already in one.

This is really interesting, I hadn't really considered it like that. I have casual acquaintances of whom I know loads about their lives but they know virtually nothing of mine because they never ask and when I start offering they're not listening so I don't anymore. Maybe that's just how some interactions are 🤷