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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put DD back in nappies after 3 months?

35 replies

Crossfitgirl · 24/03/2022 15:05

DD is 2.5 and we started potty training at Christmas. She did great to start with, a few accidents once we put clothes on her and she went to nursery, but mostly dry if prompted to go.

Then the dribbling started. Dribbling in knickers every single time she needs a wee, she would tell us then run to the potty to do the actual wee - great. This went on for a month or two, I got so fed up of changing knickers I debated putting back in nappies but was advised by nursery not to, she was doing well etc. I went back to pantless at home, tried sticker rewards, and she did seem to respond a bit. Then suddenly she was totally dry for maybe 2-3 weeks.

Now, the dribbling has started again. She is now having some full accidents again too, increasingly refusing to use the potty or toilet, or saying "I don't need a wee" when she's wet herself, tantrums at me trying to get her to use the toilet, always saying no if she needs a wee. I am fed up!!

I have a 7 month old too and it's been great not doing 2 lots of nappies but I just feel SO done with it and I have often lost patience with her which has to be honest probably not helped, but anyway.

Has she come too far to go back to nappies? Should I push on? Should I continue trying with rewards etc? She is SO strong willed and stubborn that I feel like no matter what I do, using the potty and toilet totally depends on her mood, not what approach I use.

It's been 3 months so I almost feel it's a bit unreasonable to go back but I'm also losing the plot with constant battles every day. Would going back to nappies for a bit just make it worse??

Help!!

OP posts:

Excited101 · 24/03/2022 15:08

That’s a really tough one op. Have you checked for a urine infection?

My instinct would be to go back to nappies for a few months then go at it with no turning back tbh. But I reckon many would say to stick it out. I’ve seen LO take over a year to fully train if they’re not quite ready and that’s no fun for anyone.

Littlemissprosecco · 24/03/2022 15:09

Try giving some kind of treat to get her to go when you can see she needs to. Keep stickers etc… in the loo!!
It’s still early days, keep going

Littlemissprosecco · 24/03/2022 15:10

Don’t make it a battle make it fun!

SalmonEile · 24/03/2022 15:11

Is changing nappies harder work than changing knickers?
Does she only do this at home or is she dry at nursery?

Porcupineintherough · 24/03/2022 15:11

I think plough on. I wouldnt use rewards or threats, I'd just be very matter of fact about it. Oh dear, never mind, go change your pants. Dont make it a battle of wills or a way of getting attention, it's a stage that a lot of them go through. And if she's got a younger sibling vying for attention I'm sure that's part of the mix too.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 24/03/2022 15:12

I think you may need to take her lead on this, if she's not ready and willing, give it a bit longer. You're probably doing way more work with it now than a nappy change would take, and she can't be comfortable or happy, she is only 2 1/2.

Original poster

Crossfitgirl · 24/03/2022 15:13

@Excited101 yes, I sent a wee sample in yesterday just to be sure. I honestly don't know what to do for the best. Nursery keep telling me oh she's doing really well, but I don't feel this way! I was debating pull ups for a while. Purely to prevent all the battles as it's miserable for both of us. DH thinks to keep going with it, but he's away a lot, and not the one dealing with it every day. Funnily enough though, she doesn't really refuse the potty for him. Just me! X

OP posts:

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 24/03/2022 15:13

Contact ERIC (the children's bowel and bladder charity). This is exactly their area of expertise. They have a website with lots of advice, tips and case studies and also a helpline. They will be able to advise you I'm sure.

GooglyEyeballs · 24/03/2022 15:18

Does she use a potty or the actual toilet? Can you decorate the potty or the bathroom so it's pretty or get some nice accessories so it makes going to loo a bit more exciting? The best thing you can do is encourage it as a positive experience. It's such a touch phase to parent, stay strong OP!

Excited101 · 24/03/2022 15:18

Many LO are physically ready but not emotionally, and it’s easy for people to confuse the two. It’s very easy to say what to do but unless someone has spent time with her/you etc then it’s kinda impossible tbh. I would still suggest back in nappies for a few months then hit it hard with no room for negotiation. She may well just need that extra time for maturing a bit.

TeaAndBrie · 24/03/2022 15:18

Definitely don’t go backwards.
The fact that she is okay with it at nursery and with your husband means she can control what she is doing.
If you go back to nappies she has got her way and will make it twice as hard to try again as she will repeat the behaviour.
Lots of praise and patience needed.
I know it’s rough, my DD was (and still is) incredibly strong willed but you need to show her you are taking the lead on this.

GooglyEyeballs · 24/03/2022 15:19

*tough not touch

Original poster

Crossfitgirl · 24/03/2022 15:20

Thanks @Outfoxedbyrabbits I'll check that out.
@SalmonEile at the moment physically it's easier than nappies. She very consistently goes to the toilet for all poos which is way cleaner than changing a pooey nappy that she's sat in. But the battle to actually get her to wee on the potty drives me insane some days and I just think fuck it I should have just let her wet herself or put her a nappy on! Lol. She has been drier at nursery than at home for a fee weeks and now she's not dry at either. X

OP posts:

gogohm · 24/03/2022 15:20

Dont go back to nappies but consider reusable pull ups

Bunnycat101 · 24/03/2022 15:21

I think it’s quite common to have a regression. For all of the posters on here saying their child never had any accidents once trained, neither of mine were like that. I think it took at least 6 months to a year for them to be fully independent and reliable (ie without me nagging). My 2yo had a terrible regression in January. She’d been doing so well before that and we were tearing our hair out. For a week she had 4 accidents a day. And then she stopped and became reliable again.

Tamarasnotmyname · 24/03/2022 15:22

Hmmm if she’s fine at nursery and with your husband then it might be worth considering if she does it with you to get extra attention? Sometime sibling jealousy can come out in funny ways.

Groomofthestool · 24/03/2022 15:26

I had a few setbacks with my 2.5 year old DD and she started to get resistant to going into the bathroom at all.
In the end we moved 90% of our books into the loo, just dragged in a shelf and had piles of them everywhere. We have a lot of kids books! Kept some in her room for bedtime but the others were only allowed to be read in the loo. She would happily go in and flick through or call for me to read her one while she used the loo. Where's Wally worked best.

MadeForThis · 24/03/2022 15:27

Does she get blackcurrant juice at home?

Original poster

Crossfitgirl · 24/03/2022 15:27

@GooglyEyeballs she prefers the potty as she can do it herself, but sometimes wants the toilet. Apparently at nursery only one specific toilet with a coloured toddler seat will do, and she waits for it if it's taken. @Excited101 even I don't know what's best, it's just good to sound it out. I think you're right with the physical but not emotional maturity to do it. I think I somehow need to take the pressure off. Maybe an in-between might work, of giving her the option of a nappy or pants on each day.

@TeaAndBrie sooooo strong willed it is unreal. My patience just can't take it some days! Half of me thinks make it easier for myself as I've got to be their mum and look after them at the end of the day and if my soul has been destroyed by daily potty training meltdowns then I can't be the best me, half of me thinks just do the hard work, but it's gruelling!

OP posts:

Mamibaer · 24/03/2022 15:29

We had a very similar situation- potty trained really well at 2.5 then about 4 months later he started having more and more accidents until he was basically back to not being potty trained at all. After a couple of weeks of that we put him in pull-ups as it was just too stressful, but kept encouraging the toilet. Just before he turned 3 he decided he wanted his big boy pants back on and overnight was using the toilet again. So I’d say just be patient and to try again in a couple of months

Original poster

Crossfitgirl · 24/03/2022 15:30

I think the sibling jealousy some of you have mentioned definitely could be part of it. She's much better when I can give her my full attention, but often will misbehave while I'm busy with her sister changing a nappy or feeding her or whatever. I try to give her as much praise as possible when she does go, she has stickers for when she uses the loo or potty but I think the novelty has worn off, plus she needs to want to do it all the time, not just for stickers so I'm not sure how effective overall that is.

OP posts:

Original poster

Crossfitgirl · 24/03/2022 15:32

@Groomofthestool we have a where's Wally book! And she loves books. This could be a new thing!

OP posts:

Gowithme · 24/03/2022 15:33

Yeah I'd go back to pullups for now - she's still quite young and why make it hard for yourself and her? I remember trying so hard to get my son toilet trained at 2.5 - I went to absolutely ridiculous lengths!! If only I'd just left it and waited a bit longer because he did it when he was ready and not a minute before!

Excited101 · 24/03/2022 15:39

I honestly wouldn’t give any option or choice right now. If you’re putting her back in nappies than back off from the whole toilet thing completely- don’t even mention it. If she wants to go on a toilet then of course take her but unless she’s leading it then I would back off entirely. Once you’re clear a few months or whatever, then have a fresh start at it, and when that’s the time you need to commit 100% and see it through. Kids need clear boundaries and expectations, they need to be able to fully rely on you. I think this will all make your life a lot easier.

ponkydonkey · 24/03/2022 15:44

Try cheap pull ups... more like pants but not as absorbent as nappies, so she'll feel a bit damp and might prefer to go back to pants after a while?

But I think psychology if she's constantly having accidents she might not be ready yet and find it all a bit too much pressure

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