Would you rather have a big dysfunctional family or small family with few issues?

[SomeDaySoonn]

Big extended family has lots of drama with lots of lows but also lots of highs. Everyone is constantly in each other’s business, no boundaries, lots of gossiping, spend time together regularly, children have close relationships with their cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents provide childcare, can somewhat rely on each other but not without issues.

The small family is primarily you, your partner and children. Little drama or issues, healthy, loving relationships, children not overly close with extended family, no childcare, family events such as birthdays and Christmas can feel a bit lonely.

The smaller the better.

I have a tiny family (no grandparents living, no siblings, aunts, uncles or cousins) but DH has a huge family with multiple siblings, and loads of cousins etc. I have mostly withdrawn from them. I can't deal with the petty drama.

DH has a massive drama laden family, I have a very small family with no issues. DH's family are so caught up in their drama they are fuck all help with childcare and my parents are 3000 miles away.

I think something in-between is probably ideal. My next door neighbor only has her dad and her sister nearby, but they're super close and always in and out of each others houses and babysitting for each other. I'm jealous!

I will say that I used to love small family Christmas growing up. No stress, very chill, time in front of the TV or going for walks, no sticking to anyone else schedule except our own. I find DH's big, loud family holidays very stressful in comparison.

Small family without issues.

Small.

I'd rather have nobody than have people who cause me non stop stress with their stupid drama

Small without issues

I’d go for either. A very small fucked up family is no fun.

Small without issues.

I have a small family with no issues. I'm relieved not to have obligations such as family parties etc and Christmas isn't lonely. What an odd suggestion.

I am from the small type of family and DP from the big drama llama type. I disliked my small family growing up. We had hardly any occasion to celebrate, rarely went to weddings or christenings (2 in my entire childhood) and Christmas felt a bit sad. I also struggled as an adolescent having nowhere to turn if I fell out with my parents. It all felt a bit grey. So despite the drama I'd take dp's big lively family, it's more fun.

Big because I can pick and choose who I actually want to have a relationship with. We are not in each others pockets but some family units are royally fucked up.

I have a big family (4 adult siblings + a couple of steps, close to my cousins). Not MUCH drama any more (there used to be! - now it's more bubbles of simmering resentment that are never aired 😂). See lots of them regularly, a few less so due to distance.

DH has a small family: 1 sibling, local widowed mother, daily contact.

I wouldn't give up a single member of my slightly more emotional-admin-heavy crew. So I'd have to say big family, and accept the drama/hassle because with it come so many loved people.

Small. I only have dh and ds, but a friend of Dhs has a huge family with lots of drama and it drives me insane just listening to it second hand

I'm from a big noisy family and purposefully chose to move away and live small for that reason. I wasn't growing as a person until I left, because the world and his wife were allowed an opinion on how I lived my life, bullying and criticism ran rampant and got very little support from most of the extended family at all. My DH has a tiny family but was so much happier, and got so much more love and support because he wasn't sidelined by what the family wanted en-masse. He didn't have to share resources with 30 cousins for a start, with everyone living hand to mouth.

Smaller.

Other people's drama gets boring fast.

I'm from a big family and you could say it's dramatic in that there's a lot of noise and things going on, but we don't have drama in that sense or fall out and stuff. If we did there are so many of us I would probably have a stress-related illness by now. So probably the small nice family...but I'm not sure. I would really miss a bigger family.

Bigger family and low level drama, as long as it's not toxic. Coming from a small family is a bit crap, even if it's all hunky dory. The more people to love a child the better.

Could we have an option for zero family so that I could just have a nice, calm life on my own? Families are generally a pain in the - a few good friends are all I want or need.

I’m from a huge family with zero drama. We just don’t argue or cross each other’s boundaries. I’m not sure large families = drama tbh. I’ve seen just as much drama in the smaller families I know.

Small family .... we are a small family, DH, DS and I ... my DS often says how lovely it is to live in a quiet, calm home . We do have some relatives but apart from one GP we are not party close - not unfriendly but just not much in common - we never have any issues about where to go for Christmas etc. suits me very well and wherever we have lived we get fully involved with the local community so have lots of things to do, friends etc.

Smaller, have backed off from negative family members.

I have a small family, its just me and my dad and I have no siblings or children.
Grandparents all died before I hit 20, and my mum died at 72 in 2014.
I sometimes envy big families, but then I see the drama/nosing that goes on and decide that its very much not for me so im a bit 50/50 about it.

(im on Mumsnet because my partner has kids)

Small, unless you're an Eastenders script writer.

Well my family is small but it doesn't feel lonely because we don't know any different.

I have a small family full of drama! My mum is not a nice person, I get on well with my sister but my mum always tries to stir the pot between us. I don't have a partner, but 2 adult DC. We do get on well, no drama between us. No other relatives.

On the one hand I guess it's less hassle, but on the other it's a bit lonely. No partner, no decent mum, sister lives miles away. If there were more family members maybe I'd have more support.