Would you rather have a big dysfunctional family or small family with few issues?

[SomeDaySoonn]

Big extended family has lots of drama with lots of lows but also lots of highs. Everyone is constantly in each other’s business, no boundaries, lots of gossiping, spend time together regularly, children have close relationships with their cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents provide childcare, can somewhat rely on each other but not without issues.

The small family is primarily you, your partner and children. Little drama or issues, healthy, loving relationships, children not overly close with extended family, no childcare, family events such as birthdays and Christmas can feel a bit lonely.

I don’t know how that’s even a question - what would the pros of a dysfunctional family be? Big or small is irrelevant, it sounds stressful.

Neither. DH has a huge family. PIL had 14 and 8 siblings.
They’re all close. Very supportive. No drama.
It’s great.

I am from a small dysfunctional family. There's less people to ask for advice when problems arise, especially when one member is arguing with another and it's not resolvable. You're just stuck with dealing with it because there's no one else.

I dream of a large family all helping each other (but not living in each other's pockets), sometimes I just wish there was more people around me to help me with life in general, even though it might be annoying sometimes. Like the film My big fat greek wedding - I'd love something like that.

I will say that I used to love small family Christmas growing up. No stress, very chill, time in front of the TV or going for walks, no sticking to anyone else schedule except our own. I find DH's big, loud family holidays very stressful in comparison.

This is what it’s like now, with 3 AC. I love Christmas for this reason.

I do come from a large drama-ridden family and moved far, far away for this reason, like a pp said up thread. No living gp now but it’s great as we are

So - small family ie no extended large family

I have a huge extended family in North London. They won’t cross the Thames, so I bought a flat in South London. This way I see them regularly for drinks, dinner, family parties, but can leave, and know they won’t bring all their drama to my doorstep.

I am from a huge dysfunctional family (tons of cousins, everyone lives in same town, everyone knows each others business, several generations living in one house is the norm). It was a huge change for me to get used to small family events (just DH and DC at Christmas et ) but now I really appreciate having no drama and not everyone getting involved in my life. I try to keep out of the drama now and I am low contacr with most family members now.

@Hbh17

Could we have an option for zero family so that I could just have a nice, calm life on my own? Families are generally a pain in the ** - a few good friends are all I want or need.

There was a time in my life (before I met my now DH and had DC) when for several years it was zero family for me. Literally zero. I was the only one remaining.

I must admit it did get a bit lonely at times. Well, more a sense of being completely alone in a world where there was absolutely nobody else that you could rely on to help you out in your hour of need.

Blimey, that sounds quite depressing actually!

I have a huge family (more than 9 adult siblings) I love it. There is drama sometimes but very little unpleasantness. We are spread out over the UK and Ireland which is probably why it works well. We holiday together, the cousins all get along like best friends. I know that if every I need help in a hurry at least one of my siblings can be relied upon and I’ll also be there for them. I can’t imagine having a small quiet family.

Christmas for us is chaotic, normally 16 round the dinner table. I bloody love it!

I don't mind a bit of family drama if I'm very much on the edge of it (I confess, I do enjoy a gossip with my cousins about various outrageous uncles etc) But I can't be dealing with falling out with family, or having to actually deal with their drama.

I’ve lost my big, dysfunctional family through divorce and only have a little family unit. I loved the big crowd and miss them, so I’m voting for that.

I think I'd find it really overwhelming and stressful to be in a massive family, even if it was a functional one. When I hear friends talking about things like Christmas or birthday meals where there are 30 people round the table, or being obliged to go to a christening or something where there are a billion cousins and complicated arrangements and people having to stay at each other's houses and stuff, I feel stressed just hearing about it! I'm just super introverted and don't like big gatherings. I have a friend who goes on weekend camping trips with her large extended family about three times a year and she loves it but the thought of it brings me out in hives. Each to their own!

I'd prefer bigger family, as more people to connect with and enjoy the company together

I'd go for a family with few issues every time. Dh and I have pretty normal-sized, non-problematic families though. No dramas, no fallings-out. Everyone gets on perfectly well. I hate gossipy, drama-laden relationships. Can't be doing with all that at all!

Small with minimal issues and a sensible amount of contact (like mine).

DP only has a medium sized family but my god they're up in each other's business all day long.

Small family