Do any of you do this? Answering a text mid-conversation.

[Coffeetree]

I know I'm not BU but do any of you do this for non-emergencies?

A couple of people in my day-today life will just stop mid-sentence and look at their phone when it pings. Even when you're right in the middle of a conversation. They never give an explanation like, "Sorry, it might be my mum" or whatever.

One of them is a colleague in her early fifties. She'll look and start texting back, without a word to her live interlocutor. Sometimes she'll just answer a call and start talking, when it's clearly not urgent. I stop speaking, get up, and walk away the instant she does it. In a group setting, I was giving a presentation when she started texting. I stopped speaking and stared at her until she stopped.

The other is a younger colleague and I also walk away.

To be clear, neither of them gives any explanation or acknowledgement like, "Sorry I'm just answering because xyz" .

My former partner did this too, until I wandered out of his flat without his noticing. Lesson learned.

Is this something we're doing now?

We shouldn't be because it's rude

I don't mind if someone just glances at the notification and then carries on the conversation, but I think it's very rude to actually open the message, read it and reply while mid-conversation. I used to have a manager who did this constantly and everyone in the team hated it.

If it's something that genuinely needs an instant reply, absolutely fine to say 'I'm really sorry, but this is something I really have to reply to - do you mind?' But just stopping to text away while someone's talking to you, with no explanation, is definitely rude.

This absolutely drives me mad. It's the height of rudeness but sadly very much normalised in our society.

It's spectacularly ant-social. It's not a mobile thing either. I remember being in my tutor's office at uni and she would pick up her phone every time it rang. Some kind of performance?

Is there anyone here who just does that and thinks it's okay? Or don't mind when others do it? It's weird because the people I mentioned are otherwise very thoughtful gracious people. Is it guilt at not responding to texts? Is it that they think both conversations are equally important?

It’s very rude.

Oddly my (very correct) late MIL used to do this all the time and she would comment on our rudeness that we didn’t - so if my phone pinged when we were together she would say, “aren’t you going to reply? Why are you keeping them waiting?” Etc etc and get very wound up until I checked the message. I think if came from being from an era when people only used mobiles in extreme emergencies, so she’d assume it must be something vital when it was actually eg my sister sending me a gif of Michael Gove falling over.

I was seeing a guy and we'd be on the phone to each other and then he'd be saying "hold on, hold on" and he'd obviously heard a ping on his phone and wanted to check who it was. Also, if we were mid flow in a conversation on the phone, and one of his two adult daughters tried to call him, he'd tell me he'd have to call me back and end our call to speak to them. It was never anything urgent, just them wanting to chat. However, if I called him whilst he was on the phone to them, my call would go to voicemail. Told me all I needed to know.

Just one of the reasons I'm not seeing him anymore.

My fucking husband does this. He also puts me on hold or cuts me off to take other calls from his brother / whoever.

Drives me bananas. But.....he has ADHD so it's an element of that.

I'd probably check to see who it was, wouldn't reply unless urgent, in which case I'd apologise to the person I was talking to and explain this is urgent.

No. So rude.

Sooo rude.

I don't know @SevenWaystoLeave, "checking who it is" is dangerous ground. So your live person is left standing there mid-sentence while you grope around for your phone and decide whether you're going to respond?

Do you at least explain why you have to do that?

I do, I don’t usually reply unless I need to in which case I will say “excuse me”.

I work in an environment where time critical responses are often required. Similarly I am often “on call” at home so will quickly reply.

In answer: I don’t explain. If I am having a serious conversation or presenting/interviewing etc then I don’t do it.

My mum does this and it really irritates me. She seems to think she has to reply as soon as she hears the phone go and it is 99.9% of the time nothing that requires an immediate response.

Ah right, yes if you're at work and it's a work phone that's different.

I’m so glad someone else thinks this is SO rude. I always excuse myself if my phone rings during school hours as I do need to make sure it’s not something urgent to do with my children. But anything beyond that - NO. They can wait.

That's really interesting. Yes if my partner heard my phone ping he'd be like, "Your phone, your phone!" And I'd just be like, "We're eating lunch."

I agree with you OP that it is rude

The answering a (clearly not urgent) call and launching into conversation with the person on the phone whilst totally ignoring the person or people you are with is a massive bugbear of mine. It's not hard to quickly apologise "sorry I'm need to take this call" and walk away so you aren't disturbing anyone else isn't much to ask but I have 2 good friends who will always answer calls and stay put talking loadly even when sat in a cafe with other folk

Grrrrrr

I had a friend who lived very near a soft play.
Twice I drove 30mins to meet her there and she spent the whole time texting.
All that way to not have a decent conversation while the kids played.

I didnt arrange to meet her a third time

Mobile phones are ruining society and the way that humans behave. Don't get me wrong, they are useful, I have one etc, but it is not on the table at dinner time, and if me and DH go out, I would not get it out of my bag and be faffing around on it.

One of my pet hates, is going out for dinner, and seeing tables where everyone is sat starting at their phone, instead of interacting with the people they are out with. Sometimes, it seems like every table is doing it - like we've all turned in to Zombies.

When you look at old videos of something major - like 911 - notice how different the crowd looks - hardly anyone is filming. The scene would have looked very different if people had mobiles - everyone would have one hand in the air pointing a mobile at the sky.

I don't know what the answer is, but I don't like the way things are heading.

I do if it's work

To be fair, the person who sent the text is (hopefully) also a live person

I always check who it is, in case it's anything urgent (escaped livestock mostly!), but I do apologise and explain as I do and I never open a text or reply unless it is a case of life, death or lost sheep!

Oh baloney, it's not mobile phones. In the 90s i used to sit in my advisor's office while she answered her office phone or lunge out of her door to speak with anyone important walking by.

I had a friend who'd always make sure to get a table window in a cafe so she could run out to say hi if an acquaintance passed by.

People used to ignore each other in restaurants with newspapers or comic books. Maybe you're too young to remember that.

Rude. Unless it's very urgent, in which case you explain and excuse yourself.

But the times they are a-changing, and being constantly connected is the norm now.