Do any of you do this? Answering a text mid-conversation.

[Coffeetree]

I know I'm not BU but do any of you do this for non-emergencies?

A couple of people in my day-today life will just stop mid-sentence and look at their phone when it pings. Even when you're right in the middle of a conversation. They never give an explanation like, "Sorry, it might be my mum" or whatever.

One of them is a colleague in her early fifties. She'll look and start texting back, without a word to her live interlocutor. Sometimes she'll just answer a call and start talking, when it's clearly not urgent. I stop speaking, get up, and walk away the instant she does it. In a group setting, I was giving a presentation when she started texting. I stopped speaking and stared at her until she stopped.

The other is a younger colleague and I also walk away.

To be clear, neither of them gives any explanation or acknowledgement like, "Sorry I'm just answering because xyz" .

My former partner did this too, until I wandered out of his flat without his noticing. Lesson learned.

Is this something we're doing now?

@CaptainThe95thRifles

To be fair, the person who sent the text is (hopefully) also a live person

I always check who it is, in case it's anything urgent (escaped livestock mostly!), but I do apologise and explain as I do and I never open a text or reply unless it is a case of life, death or lost sheep!

Yes but they won't be texting if it's an emergency will they? That's what calls are for.

YANBU OP, it's incredibly rude and I hate it when people do it.

I'll even go as far as saying that people who have their phones make noises for every fucking text, WhatsApp, notification etc etc are very rude and antisocial even if they don't look when it pings. Drives me insane.

I'll even go as far as saying that people who have their phones make noises for every fucking text, WhatsApp, notification etc etc are very rude and antisocial even if they don't look when it pings. Drives me insane

Do you remember the early days of mobiles? The ring tone would go...
"Hello... yes, I'm on THE TRAIN" would be announced.

YANBU, it is rude.
During lockdown, a friend met me in the park for a walk. She was talking on the phone to someone else the entire time we were there.
If I meet someone, my phone stays at home or in my bag on silent.

I must admit I do look at my phone if it pings more than once in case it is urgent. I do apologise and it is a quick glance to see if it is someone important ie my parents as elderly or my in laws if watching the kids. Generally it is a group chat for football or school etc. I never read these messages once I see not a person who could need me urgently I put it down.

Really I should not look as in actual emergency I would get a phone call but once messages start buzzing through I start worrying about what could be wrong rather than listening properly. Nothing bad has ever happened either I think I am just used to be contactable. Will have to work on it.

It's so rude I had a friend , who always did this or would be just flicking through social media during conversations and would then ask me to repeat myself .

I've had this done to me before and depending on who it is I have different responses;
DP - "Oh sorry, am I boring you?"
Close friend - I'll stop talking until they realise and when they say something along the lines of "sorry what were you saying" but still on the phone I'll say "oh it's fine, I'll wait till you've finished".
Colleague - same as above but when they ask me to repeat myself I'll just pretend to forget what I was saying and stop talking and turn back to my work

100% of the time, the person either apologises or puts phone down looking shame faced.

@BarbaraofSeville I'll even go as far as saying that people who have their phones make noises for every fucking text, WhatsApp, notification etc etc are very rude and antisocial even if they don't look when it pings. Drives me insane.

This! And on WhatsApp even when you open the message and the person is still typing it still makes a fecking noise when a message comes through. I feel like people who keep noises on for group WhatsApp/every single little notification on their phone on the loudest volume think it makes them look popular, when in fact it just pisses people off

I'll never forget when a young work experience person at my previous firm did this. He'd asked to work on this particular juicy case and I was sitting at his work space with the file open, explaining the briefing and the court deadline.

When I tell you this boy's personal phone pinged and he picked it up and opened the text right in front of me.

I closed the file, got up, and walked away. Another work experience got the assignment.

I do if im working, because im paid to respond at the drop of a hat and the office phones divert to my mobile.
But outside of working hours I have my phone on vibrate and wouldn't check it while someone else was speaking to me as I find it rude.

My DP has ADHD and often stops talking to message check, when we're on the phone or in person. I do find it quite wearing to be on the line listening to typing sometimes when im short of time myself and was trying to squeeze in a quick call, but put it down to the condition.

Mobile phones have made some people rude.

The amount of people walking along the road looking at their phone is awful. They could cause a collision.

People sitting at tables with friends all on their phones. Talk to each other.

People on the bus having loud chats with others and not caring if you hear them.
People pacing up and down in the street and arguing. Nothing is private anymore why???

@coffeetree
I closed the file, got up, and walked away. Another work experience got the assignment.

Brilliant! Bet he didn't do that again in a hurry

It’s rude. If I’m in conversation or with a friend or partner, I put my phone on silent. If I have to answer something or take a call I explain first. The exception to this is if I’m forced to be with people that don’t make me feel good (family of origin, bad dates); then my phone is deliberate excuse to avoid their abuse or to leave.

[quote LittleMissUnreasonable]@coffeetree
I closed the file, got up, and walked away. Another work experience got the assignment.

Brilliant! Bet he didn't do that again in a hurry[/quote]
You know what he did then? Tried to call me back to his desk! Literally "Coffeetree! Coffeetree!" as I walked back to my office.

He was not invited to be involved with anything else in my dept and he left soon after.

He was only 19 and a spoiled nephew of one of the directors. Hopefully a harsh but memorable lesson on manners.

My phone stays on silent but vibrates. If it rings that I look very briefly and will only answer if necessary, i.e - my DC school. I always apologise first and explain who it is and why I need to answer, walk away from my friend a bit to take the call and then apologise afterwards (keeping call we short as poss.)

Anything else just feels so rude. I don’t answer my phone while waiting to be served by someone either, in a shop or cafe, as it feels disrespectful to interact with the phone in my hand.

A lot of people do though.

It's very bad manners

It's incredibly rude and obnoxious behaviour. It smacks of 'I am sooo important and terribly busy dontcha know?' and is rather narcissistic.

I have a friend who does this.

We go back a long way, and she is a good friend, but whenever I meet her for coffee or lunch, she spends about a quarter of the time we are together, glancing at her phone (texts/whatsapp message/facebook and twitter notifications,) and it really REALLY pisses me off. Especially as she often responds to them, and also answers the phone if someone rings! I have sat there as much as 1012 minutes before now while she nattered to a friend/colleague/family member! Just twiddling my thumbs and looking at the ceiling, walls, and floor!

It's actually putting me off meeting her. It is NEVER important. EVER. I don't understand why she can't just put her phone on silent for an hour. That's all I ask....., an hour. The people messaging her are people she sees every day (or 2 or 3 times a week.) I see her once every 2 months, and she can't give me the courtesy of putting her phone on silent for an hour. Boils my piss. But what can I do?

Sometimes when I am not with her and she is whatsapping me, I wonder if she is with another friend (having a coffee in starbucks,) and ignoring her too!

I also know several more people who keep glancing at their phone when they're visiting me (or when I visit them) and spend around 15-20% of the time just looking at their phone, and sometimes answering messages.

I can't do it myself. I think it's very ill-mannered and rude. And definitely says 'my time is more important than yours, and so is my life.'

10 to 12 minutes, not 1012 minutes!!!

It's incredibly rude.

@SilverHairedCat

My fucking husband does this. He also puts me on hold or cuts me off to take other calls from his brother / whoever.

Drives me bananas. But.....he has ADHD so it's an element of that.

...he has ADHD so it's an element of that....

Really?

Lots of rude men out there who "have ADHD".

I have some tolerance when people say straight up that they're waiting for an urgent call. But to check the phone constantly and open text messages is just flipping rude.

@Coffeetree

I don't know *@SevenWaystoLeave*, "checking who it is" is dangerous ground. So your live person is left standing there mid-sentence while you grope around for your phone and decide whether you're going to respond?

Do you at least explain why you have to do that?

Why am I groping around? All it takes is a quick glance. No reason for them to stop talking or me to stop listening.

I think this is a double standard. If someone's phone rang when you were talking to them, wouldn't you expect them to at least check who's calling in case it's important? How is a message any different?

@MurmuratingStarling yes. He also paces constantly when on the phone, walks off mid sentence to do something else, can't keep track of long conversations and struggles with his literacy as he is severely dyslexic and has discalculia.

He's always been the same. And yes, he's the same at work.

What's your problem with this?

That "quick glance" is much much longer than you realise and it completely takes you out of the conversation. If your phone isn't on silent, then at least tell the person you're with why.

@Coffeetree

I don't know *@SevenWaystoLeave*, "checking who it is" is dangerous ground. So your live person is left standing there mid-sentence while you grope around for your phone and decide whether you're going to respond?

Do you at least explain why you have to do that?

I will check in case it's one of the children's schools, but I will say that and continue the conversation with the live conversee - if that's a word :-)