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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re starters and slow eaters

33 replies

JustJam4Tea · 24/03/2022 09:33

Out with family for tea last night. We were eating a bit later than usual and all hungry (and verging on hangry). DSS who is a young adult decides to have a starter. Everyone else having mains.

He's the slowest eater in the entire world. Good on him that he eats slowly, supposed to be better for you. But it meant we didn't get our mains for 45 long hungry red wine fueled minutes.

AIBU to ban him from having starters unless everyone is? This isn't actually possible of course - but ... really?

OP posts:
hedgehogger1 · 24/03/2022 09:34

Ask them to bring the mains out at the same time?

JudgeRindersMinder · 24/03/2022 09:34

Ask the restaurant to bring your main course at the same time as his starter?

HereComesTheSum · 24/03/2022 09:36

@JudgeRindersMinder

Ask the restaurant to bring your main course at the same time as his starter?
This. With just 1 person having a starter this is what should have happened. Then he could have had his main when you were on desert and desert when you were on coffee Grin job done.
SarahAndQuack · 24/03/2022 09:36

TBH I always thought it was a bit rude for one person to have starters when everyone else isn't. Don't you have a quick 'hey are we having starters? Ooh, we're all starving, shall we skip straight to mains' conversation?

AfterSchoolWorry · 24/03/2022 09:36

Just order the mains to arrive at the same time.

HereComesTheSum · 24/03/2022 09:37

*dessert!!

TulipsTwoLips · 24/03/2022 09:39

Ask them to bring his starter while they're preparing your mains. Otherwise you'll have a long wait at the end of the meal.

gamerchick · 24/03/2022 09:40

Eh, there isn't a time limit. Just ask for the mains at the same time. I just get a couple of starters instead of a mains because the portion sizes are too much. There's no waiting around waiting for me to finish them. That would be weird.

TheChurchOfEli · 24/03/2022 09:41

YABU for trying to regulate what another adult eats. It doesn’t even sound that slow given your timeframe. All you have to do is ask the mains to be brought out with the starter. What if someone else wanted a starter? Would you have been annoyed at them or do you just not like DSS? You knew you were eating later you could have easily had a snack earlier to prevent being so hungry you can’t wait for a meal.

shumway · 24/03/2022 09:43

My brother in law always does this and I find it really annoying.

Gizacluethen · 24/03/2022 09:43

@SarahAndQuack

TBH I always thought it was a bit rude for one person to have starters when everyone else isn't. Don't you have a quick 'hey are we having starters? Ooh, we're all starving, shall we skip straight to mains' conversation?
Yeah I agree with this. I'd never order a starter and make everyone wait watching me eat.
Shoxfordian · 24/03/2022 09:44

Have a starter if you’re hungry

girlmom21 · 24/03/2022 09:47

I agree with everyone else - if only one person wants a starter they can have it with the mains.

HoppingPavlova · 24/03/2022 09:48

I’ve never had this situation and not had the wait person ask what we, as a table, wanted to do about food. In this case we would have likely decided we all wanted our mains to arrive with the entree and then they get their main when they finish their entree. If that means he doesn’t get desert because half the table has finished theirs and gone home at that point so be it.

aSofaNearYou · 24/03/2022 09:52

Agree with everyone else - if one only person is having a starter it should come out with the mains. You'd have to really lack self awareness to sit there slowly eating a starter while nobody else was eating and think nothing of it.

BeHappy91818 · 24/03/2022 09:54

Either ask them to bring the mains out at the same time or if you are hungry get one As well?

I am a slow eater too it would seem although I don’t feel like I’m slow. I’m just eating my food. I think everyone else is fast to be honest but I have noticed recently when going out with friends and family that I am always the last one to finish 😅 I always thought it was just my family shovelling it in 😂

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/03/2022 10:06

The etiquette is to agree to having starters as a group or for the ones, not having starters to be ok with that / ask for their mains at the same time.

Learning manners and consideration around others is a skill worth acquiring. Have you said anything to him?

Original poster
JustJam4Tea · 24/03/2022 10:25

@TheChurchOfEli

YABU for trying to regulate what another adult eats. It doesn’t even sound that slow given your timeframe. All you have to do is ask the mains to be brought out with the starter. What if someone else wanted a starter? Would you have been annoyed at them or do you just not like DSS? You knew you were eating later you could have easily had a snack earlier to prevent being so hungry you can’t wait for a meal.
There's always one Hmm. I do like him, he's a nice guy, just a really slow eater.

And yes in hindsight we should have got them to bring his starter out with our mains. We'd have them been waiting for him to finish his main after we'd finished ours though. But I think we'd do that next time.

Or ask them to bring it all at once. Thing is he really wanted that particular starter and it wouldn't have worked terribly well with his main.

I don't order a starter unless the majority are (or others clealy aren't fussed that they are waiting for me to finish a starter), or I'd order it as a main, or get it bought with a main. Also I'm a fast eater and would hoover up a starter really quickly.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 24/03/2022 10:26

We'd have them been waiting for him to finish his main after we'd finished ours though.

You'll be waiting anyway if he's a slow eater and at least you won't be hungry while you wait.

Merryoldgoat · 24/03/2022 10:27

You just ask for everything to come together.

He can deal with stone cold food if it takes him that long to eat a starter. That would drive me insane.

aSofaNearYou · 24/03/2022 10:28

@TheChurchOfEli

YABU for trying to regulate what another adult eats. It doesn’t even sound that slow given your timeframe. All you have to do is ask the mains to be brought out with the starter. What if someone else wanted a starter? Would you have been annoyed at them or do you just not like DSS? You knew you were eating later you could have easily had a snack earlier to prevent being so hungry you can’t wait for a meal.
You shouldn't have to have a snack to accommodate waiting for one person to have a starter, that one person should accommodate everyone else by having it at the same time as the mains.
LuckySantangelo35 · 24/03/2022 12:17

@Shoxfordian

Have a starter if you’re hungry
@Shoxfordian Obviously they are hungry if they are out for dinner!! But it gets really expensive if everyone has a starter
LuckySantangelo35 · 24/03/2022 12:21

I would feel like a right selfish idiot if I spent 45 mins eating a starter whilst nobody else around me was and were waiting for their mains. His dad needs to have a word with him seeing as he doesn’t naturally seem to be picking up on social cues/etiquette

RedHelenB · 24/03/2022 12:24

@SarahAndQuack

TBH I always thought it was a bit rude for one person to have starters when everyone else isn't. Don't you have a quick 'hey are we having starters? Ooh, we're all starving, shall we skip straight to mains' conversation?
Surely if you're starving it should be starters and mains?
aSofaNearYou · 24/03/2022 12:26

Surely if you're starving it should be starters and mains?

I don't think so - starving doesn't mean you need to eat loads, just that you need to eat soon.

I've never been a starter person, mains and puddings for me if I'm very hungry!

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