To not feel guilty very often?

[longestlurkerever]

On here and irl people often comment about how guilty they feel about things. Often to do with their children, but not always. Sometimes it's about not doing enough around the house or exercising enough or whatever. It's not an emotion I feel very often. Obviously I would if I'd done some real harm to someone but day to day it just isn't something I particularly identify with. Especially about productivity/laziness. As long as I'm not directly taking advantage of someone I don't see why I owe it to anyone to spend my time in any particularly fruitful way. If I want to sit on my arse and not reap the benefits of having blitzed the house or gone to the gym or whatever then that's on me but I don't feel guilty about it. I'm wondering if I should feel more guilt, and am ultimately a bit selfish, or whether other people exaggerate when they talk about feeling guilty about things they haven't done? Just curious really.

I never do, about anything

I think it's maybe misused?

I don't feel guilty unless I've done something bad. I don't count "ate cake" or "gave gift to charity shop" in the list of things to feel guilty about but some people seem to.

I’m very envious

I could have a phd in guilt! I can feel guilty about things that are nothing to do with me and I wasn't even in the vicinity of!!

Please share how you don't feel guilty about things?!

I don’t either unless I’ve hurt someone. Then I’d forgive myself because it wasn’t deliberate, but I might feel a bit guilty for a short period. I don’t beat myself up though.

I’m with you! Also, the people who are perpetually mortified. I see that on here a lot and I can’t imagine ever feeling SO embarrassed over what tend to be fairly trivial things.

MN often seems to be a place of heightened emotion.

I wish I felt like you.

I feel guilty a lot. I don't do enough. I don't interact with people how I should. I feel guilty that I could have done better - this I apply to 95% of things I do. I hate it.

MN often seems to be a place of heightened emotion.

Oh yes.
In fact, this should perhaps be a banner at the top of every thread.

I think your way is better

@Kite22

MN often seems to be a place of heightened emotion.

Oh yes.
In fact, this should perhaps be a banner at the top of every thread.

😂😂😂

I would rather be like you , my trauma therapist many years back told me I am a person who would feel guilty for catching a cold 🙈
I think I'm a worrier and somehow the two seem to go hand in hand for me

Same here, and my MH is better for it.
Today l very much enjoyed sitting outside in the sunshine, the birds were singing, very peaceful. l quite happily turned a blind eye to the housework, that can wait, then l went out to eat later on with a friend, leaving two teenagers to fend for themselves, did l feel guilty No, not at all.
l refuse to be a martyr and cannot understand why so many women choose to do so.

God, I am so jealous of you.

Quote from Madeleine Albright being shared tonight on Twitter -

#RIPMadeleineAlbright “There will be those who perceive you’re a bitch. But you have to interrupt. At a certain stage you realize it doesn’t matter what they call you. You have to overcome your personal qualms.”

Think it just depends on who you are. We're all a range. I'm often crippled by guilt but I have issues around shame. My siblings rarely feel guilt and just choose to move on.

I wish I didn't but I feel huge amounts of guilt all the time about anything at all. I am generally an overly emotional person and wonder sometimes if I don't fully understand what i'm feeling at any given time beyond heightened emotions.

@foxlover47

I would rather be like you , my trauma therapist many years back told me I am a person who would feel guilty for catching a cold 🙈 I think I'm a worrier and somehow the two seem to go hand in hand for me

That's interesting. I have cptsd and complex trauma, that probably explains a lot. I'm so sorry you've been through what you've been through. It's not an easy road. 💐

It's so healthy to learn how to be bored / lazy / relaxed without feeling guilt. Yanbu

I feel guilt if I feel I've been to hard on my children but in general I don't. I don't care if I've sat on my arse and not been productive. I usually get round to whatever I've been putting off ☺️

I put YABU because I'm jealous, but of course YANBU

I don't feel guilt. I try not to do anything that a person would reasonably feel guilty about - steal, be cruel, lie, manipulate etc., but generally I don't feel guilt at all.

Especially I have never felt guilty about eating whatever I fancy, whenever I fancy - whole bars of chocolate all to myself, kids Easter eggs bought too far in advance (I did buy more though), or reading or wasting time all day if that's what I feel like doing.

I have friends who seem to almost punish themselves with their 'guilty treat', or their guilty afternoon spent on the sun-lounger which I have never understood.

It sounds like you feel guilt in the right situations.

I think people misidentify internalised feelings of judgement as 'guilt' so for example if their parents were critical of them sitting down or resting for too long then they express it as 'feeling guilty for taking a break/not getting anything done today'- it's not real guilt.

I only ever really feel guilt if I think I have neglected another person (e.g. not responded/replied to them) or if something I have done or not done causes someone else upset.

"I could have a phd in guilt! I can feel guilty about things that are nothing to do with me and I wasn't even in the vicinity of!!" , Nelliephant1, this was me for most of my life. Guilt and worry used to consume me and I was very depressed about the wickedness of the world. Several things helped me. One was reading about the principles of CBT that our thoughts and feelings are just that, not necessarily reality. Although I rejected the idea at first , I came to realise for me it is true, I was brought up to consider that anxiety and guilt are productive activities and I was responsible for other peoples' thought, feelings and actions. It took a lot of self analysis and argument to understand this attitude is disfunctional and had stopped me living my life. But mostly I have got over that.

The other thing is that I met some people who were active in trying to make real changes in the world - if they saw a problem or injustice they organised to do what they could to combat it. I realised that I did nothing to change anything and could not affect the past so all my guilt feeling was meaningless and could be regarded as egotistical. If I was too lazy or timid to do anything about the problems around me that was on me and feeling bad about it is pointless.

So my answer to how to stop feeling guilty is to take many long hard looks at yourself. Did you do something bad? If you can, rectify it or resolve not to do it again. If the horrors of the world appal you what can you do to help?. Either do it or not but don't waste your time feeling guilty. It is not a virtue.