To ask if you see yourself as lucky or unlucky?

[WeirdArchitecture]

I read something (sorry, can't remember where) about studies done on nuns, who, because they shared a similar lifestyle and diet, etc, were observed in terms of health, happiness and so on, and they found a correlation between those who had a positive mindset and a happier, longer life.

Could be they were seeking the answers they wanted but it made me think about how we perceive ourselves - so we feel lucky or unlucky? And does it have any actual effect on our lives.

There are a few things in my own life that cause me a fair bit of stress, and I wonder if my attitude towards them changed first then my outcomes would be different. Like would accepting something you dislike or fear actually assist you in overcoming it, rather than focusing on how much you hate or fear it?

I know that confidence and positivity are well known to boost potential, but I'm thinking here of whether we can affect our own luck depending how we think.
I remember seeing something on the tv back in the 90's where several people were interviewed and asked how they perceived their luck. It did seem that the 'lucky' ones did fare quite well in life.

I'm NOT including loss, disability, famine or anything like that here, just the type of stuff we can generally alter ourselves.

Do you consider yourself lucky or unlucky? And does it have an effect on your life?

I don't believe in being lucky or unlucky, but isn't your premise a bit backwards? People who think they are lucky are luckier. Well yes, probably because they are lucky. It's something they have noticed, not the other way around.

Its like saying "people who think they have brown hair usually do have brown hair". Yes, because they looked in a mirror and noticed, not because they willed it to being.

I don’t believe in lucky or unlucky.
I believe that people affected in childhood by Adverse Childhood Experiences and trauma are more likely to have a ‘negative’ outlook in life.
People who have lived lives unaffected by such things in childhood are wired to be more optimistic. They then have less illness and a longer life span (generalising). It’s all interconnected.

@MargaretThursday

I'd agree with you.

I'm regarded as "lucky" in the family. But I think it's more mindset than anything else. I've told this story to people before.

I was taking ds to an event we'd been to lots of times, and always driven up got tickets on the door and gone in.

One year we were about 5 miles from the event when he hit a queue and chugged along very slowly. Eventually we ground to a halt.
It was hot and I had the window open, and a cyclist coming the other way stopped to have a drink. I called across to him and chatted a bit then asked how long the queue was. He said it was right the way to the event, but it I turned round and took the next left then I'd skip some of the queue.
I was a little sceptical, but took this narrow farm track and hey presto, it brought me out very close to the gate.
Well the queues for tickets must have had well over 1000 people in. I looked and knew we wouldn't get in before it was full, so I said to ds that we'd have our picnic near the gate where we could hear a little, and then go home. He agreed, so we settled down on the grass.
Just as we were starting, a chap came up behind and I smiled and said "hello" and he asked if I was paying by cash or card. I said "card" and he told me to follow him.

So I did, and he started telling me that one of the card machines had stopped working, and he was taking the people from the front of the queue to pay at a different machine.
He took us up to a new machine to pay and the people in the queue for that one became very aggressive that we were pushing in, even after he'd explained.
So he said "oh well" and let us in for free.
As we walked through the gates they announced the place was full and no one else was to get in.

I was telling that to my family and approximately:
Df said: "You really shouldn't have trusted the cyclist, you could have ended up anywhere"
Dm said: "Why didn't you just drive home as soon as you saw the queues?"
Dsis said: "I'd never have settled for just having a picnic and going home I'd have joined the queue."
Dbro said: "I'd wouldn't have gone with the man. He might have robbed you..."
Then in chorus they said "you're always sooooo lucky!"

I maintain it wouldn't have happened to any of them not because I am lucky but because they wouldn't have reacted to circumstance as I did. In fact I don't think they'd have chatted to the cyclist in the first place.

I would say that I'm very good at reacting to a situation and working my way out, rather than being lucky.

I'd also say that I tend to tell this sort of thing with a positive outlook rather than a negative one.
I remember another time as a student there were massive floods and the train I was on was cancelled, couldn't get one going in the right direction even. So ended up on a bus replacement service going in the wrong direction. It took 12 hours on the bus from Coventry through to Banbury, and we got the last train from Banbury before the rails were washed away.
Telling my family I was talking about how we'd got a packet of cereal (we'd just been camping) so were eating the cereal and sharing it with the children behind us, making a game to keep the children happy. How we all cheered the bus driver when we finally arrived, and how the station master got his own pack lunch to give to the children, and made us all teas and coffees at 1am on the station. Didn't get home for nearly a week...
Dbro said: "It's not fair, you always have such fun."

But if him (or dsis) had been telling it, it would have been about the stress of not knowing where they were going, the awfulness of only eating cereal in 12 hours, the dreadful bus and how the bus driver had got lost...
So I told it in a positive way, rather than a negative. It doesn't mean that I had a better experience than them.

I love this story and you are so right. It's easy to complain about stuff when it goes wrong or doesnt go your way. But when you make the best of it and have a laugh along the way - you can turn the situation around and have good memories from it.

I also consider myself to be lucky (I have an auto immune condition but things could be so much worse). Even when crap things happen, you can often turn it around to get something positive from it.

I always felt lucky. I grew up in an abusive home, married an abusive man yet I always saw the good things coming my way. I left the abusive man and met a wonderful man we got married, bought a beautiful house and had a baby. I felt so lucky. Then my baby was ill, my dm became terminally ill and my grandad was end of life, I was trying to support these three people plus hold down a job in social services. I had a break down five years ago and I've never felt lucky since. I feel like I have no friends, my husband frustrates me, I constantly worry about money/social things. We got a dog who im really struggling to enjoy. The only good thing in my life is my wonderful ds. Im in a better place than I was but I really miss that cup half full person.

Very VERY lucky and conscious of it.

Crap stuff has happened to me, yet here I am to tell the tale.

I don't take it for granted, and get very anxious my luck is running out health wise though! That is the price I pay for my type of good luck, which seems to sometimes be nervewrackingly close to the wire

I do think you can optimise your 'good luck' to a certain extent by playing to your strengths. But I don't mean to suggest that you can stave off shit from happening - much of the time, you simply can't.

We have a lot less control over our lives than is comfortable, in many ways.

Lucky - I'm sure a positive mindset helps. But I've got to almost 45 with no tragic events, have had bad things happen sure but things have always worked themselves out.

Both.

I see myself as unlucky but do remind myself that in the broader scheme of things, I am not as unlucky as many - simply by virtue of being born in a relatively affluent country, to parents who while not rich, had enough money that I didn't have to wonder where my next meal was coming from and so on.

I consider myself lucky, but I think that's due to mindset. I've had some absolutely shitty thing happen in my life, and you could say they were unlucky. But, because I'm positive, it appears I'm lucky.

I also think it's stood me in good stead for things like employment, I've done well, got promoted and have a job I enjoy which pays well. A lot of that is due to my general attitude I think. You could say I'm underpaid for the job I do, but in my eyes I enjoy it, and it gives me enough to pay my bills and have a few luxuries - so for me 'I love it'

Neither really. I consider myself to be where I am because I’ve made many poor choices (with good intentions and optimism). It’s not been down to luck.

Unlucky, things always seems to happen to me whilst other people have very charmed lives.

Lucky

Even in times when all evidence is indicating the opposite, I still think I’m lucky

I might moan day to day but on the whole I'd say I've been lucky. Is it luck though or a good judge of character / situation. Choosing good people in your life or employers or job role.
I found DH, who is a great husband and father when I was 18 (good luck?)
I have generally worked for good employers that have valued me (and left quickly the ones that didn't).
I'm quite risk averse, pessimistic and analytical so all decisions are usually over thought. When we finally decided to move house last year it was terrifying. We sold ours and lost the 2 we wanted to buy (bad luck?) But ended up with a better property, bigger and better area (good luck?).

Yes, I consider myself to be very lucky indeed and I verbalise this every day.

I know some others would feel very hard done by living in a tiny two up two down, working as a lowly teacher. I couldn’t be happier.

I think when you’re happy and stress-free, you are at your most creative, and when you’re creative, you can find new ways to improve your life - so yes, I agree, the positive cycle escalates.

Lucky and my glass is always half full. I feel it is a mindset thing more than anything. I grew up in a not very happy home with a mother that craves drama and wallow in unhappiness .I had to "fight hard" to don't be like her and reprogram my way of thinking and dealing with situations.I also think that often negativity breeds negativity so I try very hard to stay away from people with a constant bleak outlook and a poor me attitude .

I feel lucky, I have had 2 serious illnesses including cancer and I am still here and fairly well day to day. Also my DH and DC are the best ever

Lucky. Even when stuff is shit you can still be positive. My dad always told me to think positive and that I was a lucky person. It really works. My general mindset is that of a happy person. I've had some really difficult periods of life too - what I have noticed is that if I don't force positivity it is easy to be ground down by it.

I was unlucky in the sense that as a child I had learning difficulties which were simply not recognised at the time, and did not do as well as I might have academically and career wise. Am lucky in the sense I have a wonderful husband, happily married for 32 years, unlucky in the sense we were not able to have children. Lucky in the sense I was able to take early retirement shortly before my 58th birthday. Lucky to have no major health issues just a few niggles. Lucky that we are financially comfortable, have decent pensions, a mortgage free home and a good cushion of savings/investments/inheritance. On balance, very lucky.

Watch Derren Brown's episode on luck... very interesting and basically concludes that people who consider themselves lucky, end up taking more opportunities presented to them and therefore have more possibilities to find 'luck'. Totally recommend watching it!!

I'm fairly unlucky but am saved by small compensations. I've had some very bad times and tragedy over the last decade but not so bad as to be called catastrophic. I've suffered serious ill health but was treated by a hospital that was considered a 'centre of excellence.'

Another time I had a nasty accident and could have broken my neck but I merely suffered a few broken bones which healed.

I've been a little lucky with competitions (a clutch of small prizes) but have never won 'the big one.'

Only if too many little things get on top of me all at once do I stomp around the house angrily muttering, "too much shit in one lifetime." Mindset definitely has an influence, above all else, I consider myself a survivor.

Late MIL was madly happy-go-lucky and often won at bingo for instance - she must've had some awful stuff to contend with (lived through a war) but was too optimistic to get down in the dumps about it, always looking on the bright side.

neither, i have a werid belief (and i know it's irrational!! but still my mind does it!) i beleive my life is balanced and destined to be neutral. when something good happens i worry as i know something bad will come to balence it out and visa versa.

Neither, I don’t believe in luck. I think some people have more confidence and self belief than others so they’re more likely to go for things in life and actually try. Others are more downtrodden, lack self confidence and subsequently feel like the world is out to get them in some way when things don’t go right.

I’ve had a lot of seriously shit things happen to me but still feel lucky. I realise people have kids all the time, but every day without fail I look at my son and feel incredibly lucky to have this amazing person in my life. He’s a dreamboat.

Unlucky.
Even a sibling told me I seem to have all the bad luck in life. Shit just seems to happen to me. I don’t over think it and wander round wailing “it always happens to me” or anything but I definitely drew the short straw somewhere!

Lucky, but as other pps have said, due to positive mindset, optimism and learned resilience and gratitude. Had a crappy childhood which led to a crappy marriage but have managed to turn it round. I will qualify that it could have been a lot, lot worse. Some poor souls really don't get the breaks.

However I do think a negative mindset can influence outcomes for a lot of things. If you're convinced it's going to fail, you're less likely to try or be open to opportunities.