It’s concerning that a family member just assumes her (potentially) SEN child will be ‘fine’ because our SEN child is

[Dingalingadingdang]

I know for a start this is none of my business but SIL has a child that’s showing definite markers for a number of potential serious conditions that can be managed but never cured.

Our DD has SEN. She has had massive intervention from a very young age (private school, extra therapies, time as we work for ourselves - the whole 9 yards) which has meant she is now thriving and it’s much less obvious (tho there is a constant vigilance that comes when something can’t be ‘cured’).

Anyway, SIL is ‘not worried’ because our child was ‘the same’ but is now ‘fine’. The basis of this is one sign and symptom shared. That’s it. The actual diagnosis would not be remotely the same if it turns out to be the case.

AIBU to think that’s really not the best approach of a child and she needs to start being proactive and can’t just assume it will all right itself ‘because it did for you’.

Also a more distant relative on that side brought up this particular condition in a totally ‘non connected’ way (but a very random thing to just start talking about) which shows there must be concerns from others - not just me.

As I say I know it’s nothing to do with me but surely she needs to be encouraged to seek help. Aibu to ask how?

@ LadyCordeliaFitzgerald Thank you very much for your reply. It’s hugely appreciated.
I’ll certainly take into account what you say about research.
Sorry, OP, to take the thread on a tangent.

@Appleseesaw no probs - if the thread helps you get the help you need that’s brilliant.

Of course the fact that up to this point by SN child was somewhat derided as different and inadequate compared to her first and is now being deemed as a beacon of hope considering the second is interesting.

I'd struggle with that. I struggle with SIL who said unforgivable things about my DD's behaviour and said that it was all my fault, and now goes on about how great DD is a few years later. Somehow I was to blame for the ADHD behaviour but am not responsible for the massive and hard-won progress.

DH is happy to paper over it without an apology. I'm not so I smile and ignore.

Which is what I suggest you do, smile and ignore.

@Dingalingadingdang

I don’t think hers won’t be fine, and mine is. But I do know mine has less day to day issue because of intervention which she doesn’t seem to see.

I have had no conversation with her about it. But others are concerned, hence raised it with and I guess looking for reassurance that it will all come out in the wash.

Of course the fact that up to this point by SN child was somewhat derided as different and inadequate compared to her first and is now being deemed as a beacon of hope considering the second is interesting.

Your last paragraph is VERY telling. Also when certain family members talked about my kids SEN I would down play it as ‘it’s all fine’ because I didn’t want to get into with them the work I was doing behind the scenes. Which was a lot. Just because you don’t know what she’s doing doesn’t mean she’s doing nothing. Also, I presume this child has another parent?

But others are concerned

Those same people expressing concern to you about her children will be sighing and shaking their heads about your child to other relatives. Best to either discuss it with the parents or stay out of it, in my experience.