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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There is nothing wrong with wearing red to a wedding

124 replies

LadyMaid · 22/03/2022 21:27

Inspired by another thread.

Why do people feel red shouldn't be worn to a wedding? As a guest.

As a bride, with Indian heritage, I wore red at my wedding, and there were countless guests wearing red, and white, floor length gowns.

I didn't give it a second thought.

I have attended a lot of weddings over the years where red and white have both been worn.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 22/03/2022 22:00

It's the whole 'scarlett woman' thing, but I don't know anyone younger than my grandparents generation who believe it.

Same ilk as red & white signifying blood and banadages and green being unlucky.

Even all black is now common for bridesmaids.

DetailMouse · 22/03/2022 22:06

There's some nonsense about it indicating that you've slept with the groom.

Also that you shouldn't wear anything eye-catching to detract from the bride

Most people of course couldn't care less, but in the knowledge that some might, I'd avoid it.

I also think there's a fairly high probability that it will clash with the bridesmaids.

MrsClatterbuck · 22/03/2022 22:07

@Essexgirlupnorth

My friends MIL was weird about her having red roses for her bouquet and the bridemaids in red with white roses. Something to do with the colour of death or something.

I have worn a white dress with roses on to a wedding the bride wore purple though.

There was a superstition of red and white flowers being a sign of death. Which is why it was frowned upon to bring them to patients in hospital. My mum had red carnations in her bouquet back in the fifties.
I have seen wedding guests wear red and no body was fussed about it.
FreezyFreezy · 22/03/2022 22:08

It didn't bother me. I didn't wear white to my own wedding, and we didn't have a formal, traditional wedding anyway, so what people wore wasn't even on my radar. I think my youngest sibling wore something red.

Kite22 · 22/03/2022 22:12

I'd never heard of this until about 5 mins ago, reading the other thread, so I don't think it can be a very widespread 'thing'.

Someone posted a long explanation quoting some etiquette book on the other thread if you want to see their thinking.

PixieLaLa · 22/03/2022 22:13

I don’t see the issue with wearing red

litlealligator · 22/03/2022 22:13

It depends on the culture, I've been to a Chinese wedding where guests were asked not to wear red because traditionally that's the colour the bride wears in Chinese weddings. No different than not wearing white to a Western style wedding.

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 22/03/2022 22:13

You cannot upstage a bride on her wedding day. It’s not actually possible.

Talking about people behind their backs says more about you than it does about them.

And when other people say nasty things about someone else in your hearing, they are making a judgement about the kind of person that you are too.

Iamanunsafebuilding · 22/03/2022 22:18

@callmeblondie

For a traditional church wedding where the bride wears white or ivory, I would steer clear of a red, black, white or ivory outfit. The bride should be centre of attention.
My mum wore a black and red outfit for my church wedding and she looked beautiful! I had no idea that this was a thing 😂
ElfAndSafetyBored · 22/03/2022 22:18

I think you (and others) misread the other thread. The MIL had worn red to her son’s first marriage (normal behaviour) but black to her son’s second marriage (the implication being she didn’t like daughter in law number 2). It was the wearing black that made the MIL look unpleasant.
That was my reading of it anyway.
I’ve seen loads if people in red at weddings, I’d think it perfectly normal cheerful colour personally.
I’d only imagine some black or white outfits raising eyebrows, but even then not all.

bellac11 · 22/03/2022 22:19

@LadyCordeliaFitzgerald

You cannot upstage a bride on her wedding day. It’s not actually possible.

Talking about people behind their backs says more about you than it does about them.

And when other people say nasty things about someone else in your hearing, they are making a judgement about the kind of person that you are too.

I agree, I found it shocking some of the responses on there. People talking about being guests being laughed at behind their backs, being judged, that they're viewed as idiots or weird, or attention grabbing

Crazy.

MintyGreenDream · 22/03/2022 22:19

Around 12 years ago a friend wore a scarlet dress,shoes and fascinator to another friends wedding.She looked fab.

godmum56 · 22/03/2022 22:25

Ok so I was married around 45 years ago but who HONESTLY remembers what guests wore to their wedding? I mean in the grand scheme of things does it actually matter?

Kite22 · 22/03/2022 22:25

That was the first thought of many, but then It carried on from there @ElfAndSafetyBored , and several posters did say you shouldn't wear red.

noblegreenk · 22/03/2022 22:27

I had know idea this was a faux pas! The last wedding I attended I wore a bright red dress with matching lippy. Sounds daft to me.

spacehardware · 22/03/2022 22:31

I've just been mulling over past weddings outfits, my SIL wore red to my other brothers wedding, and my cousin wore red to my first wedding

And for my second I wore green. And loved it

MasterBeth · 22/03/2022 22:33

@callmeblondie

For a traditional church wedding where the bride wears white or ivory, I would steer clear of a red, black, white or ivory outfit. The bride should be centre of attention.
The bride will be centre of attention as they are the one getting married. In what possible world is the colour red more worthy of attention than the couple getting married?
SquirrelG · 22/03/2022 22:34

First I've ever heard of this Confused Who on earth actually cares?

BrieAndChilli · 22/03/2022 22:35

I went to a wedding that had a Chinese section to it where the bride changed into a red dress so I avoided wearing red to that.

Other than that maybe as a previous poster mentioned maybe it’s because it denotes a ‘scarlet woman’?

GougeAway · 22/03/2022 22:35

I have never heard of this. I wore a red linen dress to DH’s cousin’s very traditional church wedding and I wonder if I was judged? It was a demure style of dress (due to lack of funds it needed to be suitable for the office as well). I thought I looked smart and nicely turned out 😟

ElfAndSafetyBored · 22/03/2022 22:38

So, The British School of Etiquette says it is as questionable as wearing white, but the general public thinks ‘what a load of bollocks’ (I paraphrase).
www.whowhatwear.co.uk/can-you-wear-red-to-a-wedding/slide2

GraceandMolly · 22/03/2022 22:40

Red stands out too much in group photos. I would always avoid red, black and white.

maddy68 · 22/03/2022 22:41

As long as you don't wear plain white or plain black I think any colour goes.

scottishnames · 22/03/2022 22:43

But wearing white as a bride is not a long-standing tradition, Christian or otherwise. It began as fashion, following Queen Victoria's wedding in the mid 19th cent. For over 1000 years before that, women wore their best frock (ideally new), whatever colour, and expected it to last and be re-worn for many other occasions in the years to come.

For example " I chose my wife, as she did her wedding gown, for qualities that would wear well." Oliver Goldsmith (c1728-1774)

Alos, for many centuries, in any case, white was not necessary the colour of virginity. That was blue.

VivienneDelacroix · 22/03/2022 22:44

I feel the same about black. I think I've worn black to every wedding I've ever been too! Never realises it was a faux-pas (and I don't think it is).

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