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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try and get the new neighbours on side?

78 replies

LockDownAndTwoSmokingBarrels · 22/03/2022 17:40

We live in a detached house down a private driveway shared with two other houses. Our house is at the end of the drive meaning we have to pass the other two houses to get in and out.

The house nearest to us (House A) we don’t get on with. Many arguments in the past - parking wars, Christmas lights, Hole in the bush, lockdown parties, barking dog etc etc

The house next to them (House B) we used to get on very well with, in fact we were friends but they were also friends with house A and attended their lockdown parties so it was hard to complain without falling out with house B too. Anyway, House B moved out.

It’s been a few months now that the house has been empty but we’re starting to see signs of the new neighbours moving in. It sold ages ago and now the same couple keep appearing on the driveway - unfortunately I’ve seen them liaising with House A … house A are already getting their claws into them and I’ve seen them pointing at my house and laughing. I don’t want them turning the new owners of B against us telling them a load of shite.

AIBU to put a note through their door for when they move in introducing ourselves and then maybe taking around a welcome basket when they actually move in?

OP posts:
Changeee1546789 · 23/03/2022 08:03

Definitely don’t try and befriend them. It’s too much. Just be normal and friendly when you see them. Tbh house A will make themselves seem like pricks if they’re moaning on about you and being horrible and you’re just normal and nice to the new neighbours. Plus I assume you’re an NHS worker so I doubt they would get sympathy for partying in lockdown when you were up to your eyes in it.

KosherDill · 23/03/2022 08:03

Btw, OP, we must hear about Hole in the Bush! Smile

Kukdoos · 23/03/2022 08:20

The pandemic really put a divide between those on furlough and the ones who kept their jobs and money. Your neighbours couldn't help the furlough.

Yes the other things mentioned are annoying. How much of this is them being complete arseholes, or OP complaining about everything her neighbours do?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 23/03/2022 08:26

Well the furlough part is irrelevant because that wasn't their choice. Many people had parties and at least it was outside. Yes if you worked on a Covid ward it would have been hard for you, but what your neighbours did is not your business. You don't say at which point they had the party as we were allowed to socialise outside during the pandemic at points.
The Christmas lights must have been frustrating I get that. Not sure on the hole in the bush, was it your bush and they made the hole?!
Go and say hi to the new neighbours but don't mention your arguments etc with the other neighbour. It's not fair on them to be dragged into it when your issues are between you both only.

WomanStanleyWoman · 23/03/2022 08:44

As others have said, it’s absolutely fine to be friendly and welcome your new neighbours - just not as a way to ‘get in there first’. Don’t say a single word to them about your other neighbours unless they bring them up. Your relationship to the new people as neighbours is entirely separate.

mnnewbie111 · 23/03/2022 08:56

I would actually hate the Xmas lights thing, totally fair to not expect them flashing in your window. People on here love sticking the boot in OP even if they know full well they wouldn't like to be kept awake by flashing lights. Total bullshit

Derbee · 23/03/2022 08:57

put a note through their door for when they move in introducing ourselves and then maybe taking around a welcome basket when they actually move in?

This is so weirdly manipulative. It’s like trying to poach the new neighbours to be on your “team” against the other neighbours? The original neighbours have introduced themselves to the new people, whilst you’ve been watching it all through your windows, deciding when/how best to steal them and get them on your side? Surely you can hear how strange this all sounds?!

SirChenjins · 23/03/2022 09:36

@mnnewbie111

I would actually hate the Xmas lights thing, totally fair to not expect them flashing in your window. People on here love sticking the boot in OP even if they know full well they wouldn't like to be kept awake by flashing lights. Total bullshit
Agree. Typical AIBU - posters tying their keyboards up in knots in order to get their gleeful YABU in (yeah, yeah, different opinion, yada yada)
Nothankyouv · 23/03/2022 09:40

I feel sorry for the new neighbours

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 23/03/2022 09:43

What's wrong with blackout curtain linings? We couldn't do without them as my DH works shifts.

Papayamya · 23/03/2022 09:49

@mnnewbie111

I would actually hate the Xmas lights thing, totally fair to not expect them flashing in your window. People on here love sticking the boot in OP even if they know full well they wouldn't like to be kept awake by flashing lights. Total bullshit
I agree I would also hate it, but not entirely sure what the dislike of the current neighbours has to do with new neighbours, who more than likely don't want to get dragged into whatever drama this is. Although old neighbours got on with annoying neighbours, seems fairly unlikely it was old neighbours that made them put Xmas lights up.
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/03/2022 09:51

I don’t want them turning the new owners of B against us telling them a load of shite.

So you want to get in there first and bitch about the neighbours you've fallen out with?

You don't have to be friends or party with your neighbours. Just be polite and say hello and leave it at all.

WomanStanleyWoman · 23/03/2022 09:53

@KosherDill

Btw, OP, we must hear about Hole in the Bush! Smile
Anyone else think this sounds like a great name for a country pub?
WhatATimeToBeAlive · 23/03/2022 09:57

@Waxonwaxoff0

Also if you're those type of people that took it upon yourselves to police your neighbours during lockdown then I'm on the side of House A. Busybody behaviour.
I presume you're OK with Boris having lockdown parties then?
Toddlerteaplease · 23/03/2022 09:58

@Marmelace

Sorry, you still sound awful. Were they not allowed to act happy because you'd had a long day at work?
Exactly. It wasn't their fault that they were furloughed.
Rosebuud · 23/03/2022 10:07

It’s also quite weird they’ve been pointing at your house and laughing. Honestly that sounds like an over active imagination. Unless they could see you hiding behind the curtains and watching them? Even then most people would just move away from your view and feel uncomfortable.

I really think you need to try to pull back, welcome them normally, say nothing about your arguments with your neighbours, and try to behave in a calm bright and breezy manner.

Bintymcbintface · 23/03/2022 10:20

YABU. Christmas lights annoying maybe but nothing a blind or a pair of curtains wouldn't solve. As pp have said, it's not your neighbours' fault they were furloughed and like every other person on the planet they're entitled to have fun and 😮 laugh outside with their friends, I could be wrong but didn't lockdown allow people to meet in gardens? You sound paranoid saying they're pointing and laughing at you, why are you standing at the window watching them like a weirdo, get a TV and stop trying to bring your new neighbours into your petty bullshit which imo sounds like has a lot more to do with you than "neighbour a"

SirChenjins · 23/03/2022 10:44

Exactly. It wasn't their fault that they were furloughed

Furlough or not - if they were having parties when they were illegal then they’re arseholes. Their wish to be ‘happy’ doesn’t trump that obviously.

Rosebuud · 23/03/2022 10:47

@SirChenjins

Exactly. It wasn't their fault that they were furloughed

Furlough or not - if they were having parties when they were illegal then they’re arseholes. Their wish to be ‘happy’ doesn’t trump that obviously.

Sure, but as they were in the front garden I’d maybe apply some critical thinking here on whether this did breach lockdown or was even a party by normal defintions. She clearly stated she was upset as she saw her furloughed neighbours in their front garden laughing and joking when she’d been working.

Might have been a party but it’s not very common to party in yout front garden and plenty of times socialising outside was perfectly acceptable.

RedScarfJamjar · 23/03/2022 10:54

@KosherDill

Btw, OP, we must hear about Hole in the Bush! Smile
I too would like to hear about Hole in the Bush!
WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 23/03/2022 10:56

TELL US ABOUT THE HOLE IN THE BUSH!

SirChenjins · 23/03/2022 10:57

Nice try but no @Roaebuud - ‘critical thinking’ by an individual was not required at the time when gatherings were not permitted.

Madre123 · 23/03/2022 10:57

the address should read...DREADED DRIVEWAY! Poor new neighbours....just leave well alone.....I don't even know who lives 2 doors away from me etc etc....if someone wanted to talk then they will

sonjadog · 23/03/2022 11:23

You are making the assumption that these new neighbours are open to manipulation and are going to be willing participants in this dispute. If I were new in a neighbourhood and the neighbours were busy telling me about the awful things they thought the other neighbours had done, I wouldn't be picking sides. I would be thinking that I will be keeping them both firmly at arm's length from now on. Good neighbourhood relations are about distant friendliness and flexibility. Greet them when you see them, be polite and don't bitch about other neighbours. That is the way to create a good relationship with them.

sillysmiles · 23/03/2022 11:29

Did you ever get on with house A?

As someone who lives in a detached house in a rural area having good neighbours is a godsend. The others I think it is important not to fall out with them - we just stay civil and say hi and wave.