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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try and get the new neighbours on side?

78 replies

LockDownAndTwoSmokingBarrels · 22/03/2022 17:40

We live in a detached house down a private driveway shared with two other houses. Our house is at the end of the drive meaning we have to pass the other two houses to get in and out.

The house nearest to us (House A) we don’t get on with. Many arguments in the past - parking wars, Christmas lights, Hole in the bush, lockdown parties, barking dog etc etc

The house next to them (House B) we used to get on very well with, in fact we were friends but they were also friends with house A and attended their lockdown parties so it was hard to complain without falling out with house B too. Anyway, House B moved out.

It’s been a few months now that the house has been empty but we’re starting to see signs of the new neighbours moving in. It sold ages ago and now the same couple keep appearing on the driveway - unfortunately I’ve seen them liaising with House A … house A are already getting their claws into them and I’ve seen them pointing at my house and laughing. I don’t want them turning the new owners of B against us telling them a load of shite.

AIBU to put a note through their door for when they move in introducing ourselves and then maybe taking around a welcome basket when they actually move in?

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 22/03/2022 19:17

Try not to get any more invested in the neighbourhood disputes but yes, I would go round with a bottle of one and card at some point - just to be neighbourly rather than trying to get anyone on side. I’m sure the new neighbours won’t want Christmas lights shining in round the edge of the blackout blinds, loud parties or parking wars either - they’ll soon get the measure of them. Maintain a dignified silence, it’s a far better way of dealing with them.

Planetbippop · 22/03/2022 19:27

This is a hard one. OP you were in the frontline dealing with truly traumatic situations, I know I'm NHS too & the emotional toll on colleagues was dreadful. We were all stressed out & emotionally battered so the smaller irritants, really got under our skin.

Personally, I'd let by gones be just that. Welcome the new neighbours & perhaps think about dropping a bottle off to house A & just say, can we start again. Friction with neighbours, on top of such a difficult job, doesn't make for happy living. Give it this one go & see what happens.

Ffsmakeitstop · 22/03/2022 20:05

I can't believe the hard time you're getting op. I would just drop a welcome card and bottle round but don't mention the other neighbours. I don't work in the NHS but have worked all through lockdown in a shop and being kept awake most nights by twatty neighbours partying all night together is really aggravating. Fortunately all three neighbours ended up fighting together in the street, classy, and now don't speak. Win for me as peace has been restored.

Chasingaftermidnight · 22/03/2022 20:09

@Marmelace

Sorry, you still sound awful. Were they not allowed to act happy because you'd had a long day at work?
Well, at certain points during the pandemic it was illegal, remember?

And by all accounts working on Covid wards was often very traumatic for healthcare staff - not just a ‘long day’.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 22/03/2022 20:13

Do what you would do ordinarily.

If you weren't having issues with the other neighbours would you drop a welcome basket round?

What do you need them onside for? Another lockdown is very unlikely to happen, and the lights can be solved with blackout curtains.

Its pretty petty to try and befriend them first so you can gang up on other neighbours together.

If I were you I woukd be polite when I saw them and otherwise keep myself to myself.

Firawla · 22/03/2022 20:17

Welcome the new neighbours yes, but moaning about lockdown parties and Christmas lights - you are the problem where the other neighbours are concerned. Just let them get on with their lives!

PinkSyCo · 22/03/2022 20:19

I mean it’s pretty disingenuous and playground behaviour and also rather pointless, because surely if the new neighbours are decent people they will not side with such terrible people whether you take round a welcome basket or not.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 22/03/2022 20:21

Tell us about the hole in the bush.

I would worry about this too. Neighbour issues are the worst.

Astitichintimesaveswine · 22/03/2022 21:47

I'm don't know why you're getting such a hard time, OP. I can completely understand why you're keen to get off on the right foot with the new neighbours, given your bad experience.

user1471538283 · 22/03/2022 21:51

I get it OP. I had awful neighbors constantly playing music and had parties throughout lockdown. But I wouldn't try to befriend the new neighbors. They will find out how awful the neighbors are themselves.

I will never again bother with neighbors.

LampBookPicture · 23/03/2022 06:30

I don't really get this. OF COURSE you should introduce yourself and welcome your new neighbours. That's just, well, neighbourly. All the other stuff is irrelevant.

SleeplessInEngland · 23/03/2022 06:39

Having “lockdown parties” (??) is pretty shitty.

But don’t manipulate new neighbours, just try to be friends with them for its own sake. Your mindset comes across as scheming.

fogglez · 23/03/2022 06:39

"Marmelace
Sorry, you still sound awful. Were they not allowed to act happy because you'd had a long day at work?
Well, at certain points during the pandemic it was illegal, remember? "

When was it illegal to act happy? 😆

Papayamya · 23/03/2022 06:45

@SevenWaystoLeave

Try working 13 hour shifts on a Covid ward and coming home to find your furloughed neighbours partying in their front garden - laughing and joking as you drive past

Sorry, what's so terrible about this? I recognise working on a covid ward is hard but does that mean no one else is allowed to have any fun?

But they were furloughed as OP made sure to point out.

I mean just say hello to them is the obvious solution rather than getting caught up in pathetic games.

ThinWomansBrain · 23/03/2022 06:51

WOW - don't know why so many people are giving you a hard time OP - I completely get that if you were working long shifts on a covid ward, getting home to loud parties when people were supposed to be isolating at whatever stage of lockdown, and being paid to stay home, must have been a nightmare - and bloody infuriating.
But don't drag the new neighbours into it - be polite, make friendly overtures, but it's not their battle.
"Welcome basket" sounds a bit OTT, bottle of wine, bunch of daffodils or a homemade cake sounds fine.

TinaYouFatLard · 23/03/2022 07:03

Mrs Mangel is alive and well.

2DogsOnMySofa · 23/03/2022 07:07

Don't bother with a note, just give them a wave, say hi if the opportunity presents itself. If family A are as awful as you think they are, the new owners will soon realise

We've just moved into a similar street. We've already made our minds up about the other 3 owners, I know which ones I warm too, which are the gossips and which ones prefer to keep themselves to themselves.

You don't have to get on with your neighbours

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 23/03/2022 07:09

I agree with most that it all sounds a bit childish. Don't do a doorstep gift and note through the door, just pop over with a bottle of wine or something and introduce yourself. Don't mention previous grumbles with other neighbour, be the bigger person.

KosherDill · 23/03/2022 07:31

@SirChenjins

Try not to get any more invested in the neighbourhood disputes but yes, I would go round with a bottle of one and card at some point - just to be neighbourly rather than trying to get anyone on side. I’m sure the new neighbours won’t want Christmas lights shining in round the edge of the blackout blinds, loud parties or parking wars either - they’ll soon get the measure of them. Maintain a dignified silence, it’s a far better way of dealing with them.
Agree with this. Make a welcoming gesture and be grey rock apropos of the other neighbors.
Rosebuud · 23/03/2022 07:35

Absolutely you should welcome them as suggested, but for the sole reason they are now neighbours, not some silly war to see who can get them on side.

If your neighbours are arseholes it’s likely they will take issue anyway. If it’s you that’s the arsehole then they will likely stay away. They are adults who will form their own decisions, not possessions to squabble over.

Rosebuud · 23/03/2022 07:39

Presumably because it was during lockdown and they were breaking the regulations at the time, and possibly adding to the number of cases the OP had to deal with at work

Possible but as this was outside and they were in the front garden, where let’s face if people tend not to have parties, then I suspect it’s not quite as presented.

Nicoise · 23/03/2022 07:47

I'd pop round with a card and a bottle, as I would for any new neighbour, but wouldn't discuss any issues with neighbour A. Years ago we moved to a cluster of 3 houses on a quiet lane. Straight away neighbour A got the boot in about neighbour B. Their attitude actually put me off them, and I was wary of them after that. Neighbour B never had a bad word to say about anyone and we always got on. Every time I spoke to neighbour A they had a sly dig at neighbour B. We moved from there 12 years ago and we're still in touch with neighbour B.

Sally872 · 23/03/2022 07:49

Be friendly to new neighbours when they arrive. Other neighbours will show themselves up if they are slagging off perfectly normal/reasonable neighbours.

Bananarama21 · 23/03/2022 07:54

You could have got black out curtains to avoid this I suspect there has been more on going issues given the found the old owners of house b turned against you aswell.

Rosebuud · 23/03/2022 08:01

I also think there is more to this as both sets of neighbours have fallen out with the op and she’s curtain twitching, using terms like claws into, and only planning to welcome the new neighbours to see if she can manipulate them. So I’m guessing the other side of this story might be very different indeed.