To ask how to make DD eat?

[NotMakingItABattle]

DD is 7.

She had covid in January and ended up in hospital with it.

Since then she flat out refuses to eat. Anything at all apart from crisps, sweets and chocolate.

She’s lost enough weight that if she doesn’t eat soon she’ll end up with a feeding tube.

She’s had counselling and the counsellor thought it was attention seeking rather than a huge issue. She got a lot of attention in hospital when she refused to eat and so they offered her yogurt or whatever she deemed to eat that day so now she says she’s not hungry or doesn’t like it to try and get us to give her what she wants.

I’ve temporarily banned all sweets, crisps and chocolate until she eats but she still tries it on refuses to put anything in her mouth claiming she doesn’t like it or she’s not hungry. I found a stash of sweets under her bed last week that she’s clearly been sneaking in and eating at night – she’s now in my room where I can monitor her.

I’m offering to make any foods she will eat as often as she wants until she’s back to herself but she still mostly refuses. I am at the point of saying “fine have the tube then” but I know it’ll hurt her and may make her even worse with food.

Other than practically force feeding her is there anything else I can do before we reach tube feeding point?

School are also open to suggestions as she’s also refusing to drink there and they’re at the point of saying they can’t meet her needs if she doesn’t improve.

She’s very stubborn so things have to be her idea rather than mine or schools. She’s also very hypermobile and plays on that as she knows it gets her out of doing things like sport – her physio has said it’s common in children because they realise the condition gets them extra attention so they don’t want to get better because of it. She’s also suspected dyslexic and dyspraxic – has processing and memory issues alongside these.

So anything I can try? I don’t want to make food into a battle.

Before she had covid she was a good eater, bit reluctant with vegetables but could be persuaded to eat them. Always loved fruit, pasta and most meats though. She’s also very sensory, loves heavy blankets and cuddles so I suspect a little bit of sensory processing going on to.

teaspoons!
sorry, I'll get my coat

I'm still waiting to speak to the GP, but I've made up two batches of muffins. Both chocolate but one has chocolate chips the other blueberries, I'm going to see if she eats the blueberry ones and work from there.

She's eating very small amounts of things, 1-2 mouthfuls of cereal and that's it for the day. I have also been out and bought cocoa pops as they've always been her favourite, I usually don't let her have them but needs must!

Will look into protein shakes for her.

Will also discuss with the GP what people said here, trying omeprazole and other medicines, definitely something to try.

Thank you all!

It may be a control thing, but which I mean she doesn’t have a lot of control (because she’s 8), Covid has been very scary for children and if she’s had Covid that too will have possibly been scary. My DS at 8 had a tummy bug and didn’t want to leave the house to go to the doctor because he was scared he would infect someone and they would die. Even with us being very careful about what they saw and heard about Covid he was very aware of this life threatening illness not least because of the way his whole world changed even when he could return to school. He then caught Covid and was very anxious about his health and worried about passing it to others.

Given the times we’ve been living in, and her then becoming ill I can imagine her needing some sense of control, along with the changes in taste that come with Covid. The most common ways for children to exert control is through eating and toiletting.

There are good suggestions here about making her choice of food available, stepping back from making food an argument, not making her diet a focus. Also look for ways she can exercise choice and control over her daily life eg what she wears, her activities, what her routine looks like. The more control she feels she has the less she’ll need to hold herself so tightly. It’s very hard, my DS pretty much stopped eating after he had Covid and it’s taken a while for him to eat more normally but we’re getting there, control wasn’t the whole issue but it was part of it.

@Jellycatspyjamas

It may be a control thing, but which I mean she doesn’t have a lot of control (because she’s 8), Covid has been very scary for children and if she’s had Covid that too will have possibly been scary. My DS at 8 had a tummy bug and didn’t want to leave the house to go to the doctor because he was scared he would infect someone and they would die. Even with us being very careful about what they saw and heard about Covid he was very aware of this life threatening illness not least because of the way his whole world changed even when he could return to school. He then caught Covid and was very anxious about his health and worried about passing it to others.

Given the times we’ve been living in, and her then becoming ill I can imagine her needing some sense of control, along with the changes in taste that come with Covid. The most common ways for children to exert control is through eating and toiletting.

There are good suggestions here about making her choice of food available, stepping back from making food an argument, not making her diet a focus. Also look for ways she can exercise choice and control over her daily life eg what she wears, her activities, what her routine looks like. The more control she feels she has the less she’ll need to hold herself so tightly. It’s very hard, my DS pretty much stopped eating after he had Covid and it’s taken a while for him to eat more normally but we’re getting there, control wasn’t the whole issue but it was part of it.

@Jellycatspyjamas I am always in awe of you and your sensitive responses thank you so much.

I think your right it is partially about control. Which I will be discussing with the GP too.

The suggestion about letting her have some control is good, and school should be able to help with that because if it is control related letting her wear trainers or her summer dress even though it's not summer term etc might very well help.

Just had a text from the doctors to say they haven't seen the request yet as they have over half the staff off. They're hoping to get everything sorted within 2 weeks but who knows so I'm in this alone for the foreseeable.

Next appointment with Physio is early next week but may get cancelled if they're struggling for staff like they were last time.

Those that say go for a feeding tube, have you ever heard one being inserted......... I have (NHS worker), let her have free access to anything she wants please! I'm pretty sure you will find it is a post covid thing (myself and 2 adult sons had in first wave and definitely affected taste/appetite for a long time after) especially in view of her altered tastes over what she will drink, please get full sugar squash too, M & S do an orange one or organic squash such as Rocks. My youngest son went through a phase of refusing to eat breakfast or anything at all at school, in hindsight anxiety issues. I put highest calorie stuff in anything he would eat/drink when home and discovered an ovaltine hot chocolate drink that was fortified with multivitamins, might be worth trying if she will drink something like that or chocolate milk. I still buy the full sugar squash as I'm not a fan of artificial sweeteners, he's an adult now and has no fillings so don't worry about teeth at this stage💐

My dd has gone through phases of not eating, 2 years ago she ended up in hospital on a drip. She was coaxed back to eating a though tiny portions of foods she ate plus antidepressants, diazepam and intensive counselling (zoom due to covid). The meals we got her to eat were mini croissants with cheese melted in, scrambled egg, egg sandwiches with crusts cut off, crème caramels, kids portions of Mac and cheese (shes in her 20's) she is vegetarian hence no meat.

She was eating a few chocolate buttons each day, anything for calories and 2 fortified milkshakes from the dr per day

Gosh OP this is really hard I do feel for you. Some really good advice about just leaving it and offering plenty of snacks options and the sweet crap anything to get her eating.
My DD nearly choked on an ice cube when she was 6 and we had a good 2 years of food issues and reduced choices/ eating very very slowly I was at my wits end. She was never low enough weight for feeding tube but it was concerning.
I just let her have her way and it slowly came back around to a regular diet and eating many foods she's 12 now.
Perhaps the shock of Covid and hospital and all the fuss has just thrown her out of kilter. So as people have said about taste changes and appetite.
Will she drink milk with chocolate powder in ? Full fat milkshakes maybe/chocolate mousse?
Would she go with a friend to Macdonalds or something as a treat ?

@Mossstitch

Those that say go for a feeding tube, have you ever heard one being inserted......... I have (NHS worker), let her have free access to anything she wants please! I'm pretty sure you will find it is a post covid thing (myself and 2 adult sons had in first wave and definitely affected taste/appetite for a long time after) especially in view of her altered tastes over what she will drink, please get full sugar squash too, M & S do an orange one or organic squash such as Rocks. My youngest son went through a phase of refusing to eat breakfast or anything at all at school, in hindsight anxiety issues. I put highest calorie stuff in anything he would eat/drink when home and discovered an ovaltine hot chocolate drink that was fortified with multivitamins, might be worth trying if she will drink something like that or chocolate milk. I still buy the full sugar squash as I'm not a fan of artificial sweeteners, he's an adult now and has no fillings so don't worry about teeth at this stage💐

@Mossstitch I buy full sugar squash where I can too, because I prefer the taste!

Thanks for the tip about ovaltine I'll look into that, she sometimes wants hot chocolate and other times doesn't so might be a good alternative for when she wants it.

She's eaten 2 muffins today which is better than yesterday when I posted and she'd eaten nothing because of the chocolate ban. I definitely think it's either anxiety or she's trying to tell me something and using eating to do it.

@ilovebagpuss

Gosh OP this is really hard I do feel for you. Some really good advice about just leaving it and offering plenty of snacks options and the sweet crap anything to get her eating. My DD nearly choked on an ice cube when she was 6 and we had a good 2 years of food issues and reduced choices/ eating very very slowly I was at my wits end. She was never low enough weight for feeding tube but it was concerning. I just let her have her way and it slowly came back around to a regular diet and eating many foods she's 12 now. Perhaps the shock of Covid and hospital and all the fuss has just thrown her out of kilter. So as people have said about taste changes and appetite. Will she drink milk with chocolate powder in ? Full fat milkshakes maybe/chocolate mousse? Would she go with a friend to Macdonalds or something as a treat ?

@ilovebagpuss Thank you for your help that's really helpful.

She will sometimes drink hot chocolate and other times not so will try her with milkshakes. She used to love Angel Delight so that's a good idea to try too thank you!

There isn't a mcdonalds locally but it's a good idea to try next time we're near one thank you.

Two muffins is brilliant👍👍 I have found you can replace some of the flour with ground almonds (high protein and calcium) and she won't be able to tell the difference. Often if they help to make things it seems to encourage eating. My boys liked making pizzas (home made dough and sauce is just tiny piece of onion sautéed in olive oil, add pack of passata, i use a fresh mozzarella ball torn up in bits and some grated cheddar) but you could ask DD if there is anything she would like to make (might be brownies 🤔😂) but so long as high calorie at this stage don't worry what it is. My son was very thin for a long time but then developed an interest in healthy eating and became vegetarian. Apparently he had never liked the texture of meat but didn't tell me this when he was little, probably why he liked home made pizza so much! When he had covid (we both got long version) he seemed to revert to eating things he did as a child, plain penne with melted cheese for example, and lost a lot of weight from reduced appetite. I'm sure if you let her have what she fancies and look relaxed about what she is eating, even when you are 😨 inside, she will get better😊

@Mossstitch

Two muffins is brilliant👍👍 I have found you can replace some of the flour with ground almonds (high protein and calcium) and she won't be able to tell the difference. Often if they help to make things it seems to encourage eating. My boys liked making pizzas (home made dough and sauce is just tiny piece of onion sautéed in olive oil, add pack of passata, i use a fresh mozzarella ball torn up in bits and some grated cheddar) but you could ask DD if there is anything she would like to make (might be brownies 🤔😂) but so long as high calorie at this stage don't worry what it is. My son was very thin for a long time but then developed an interest in healthy eating and became vegetarian. Apparently he had never liked the texture of meat but didn't tell me this when he was little, probably why he liked home made pizza so much! When he had covid (we both got long version) he seemed to revert to eating things he did as a child, plain penne with melted cheese for example, and lost a lot of weight from reduced appetite. I'm sure if you let her have what she fancies and look relaxed about what she is eating, even when you are 😨 inside, she will get better😊

@Mossstitch One of them had blueberries in too which was great!

I'm going to talk to the school about some sort of counselling I think, the one we saw wasn't great but someone trained in helping children might get to the bottom of it.

@NotMakingItABattle

Gosh please be careful who you send your daughter to. I'm not sure that a counsellor is specialist enough. A not vg counsellor can do a lot of damage.

Would she be interested in making something? Like a pizza and toppings to then eat? Or a peri peri chicken kit and then fixings at the table?

Will she eat if she is distracted by playing or the tv? Maybe a snack plate with small sandwiches, crisps and fruit.

@user1471538283

Would she be interested in making something? Like a pizza and toppings to then eat? Or a peri peri chicken kit and then fixings at the table?

Will she eat if she is distracted by playing or the tv? Maybe a snack plate with small sandwiches, crisps and fruit.

@user1471538283 She's never been a big one for cooking, which is a real shame as I love it.

Will try her in front of the TV or her tablet see if that helps thank you.

do you think it's ptsd from being in hospital? even though she's okay now it's still a worrying place to be as a 7 year old.

emdr/similar might help her?

I have only ready your posts and may be coming at it from a different angle than your hoping for but…

Ds has arfid, from the age of 7 he went from eating pretty much anything to eating nothing. Those who say a child won’t starve themselves are wrong in some cases. We tried everything and I noticed the more and and professionals pushed the more resistant he became.

From the age of 9 (he is now 12) he has been 90% tube fed. He gets enough calories and nutrients from the feeds to sustain him and he is now back to a healthy weight. This has removed all pressure from us both and he is now increasingly eating new foods, last week he tried chicken casserole which I never thought would happen.

What I am saying is as scary as it is tube feeding isn’t all bad and can provide a lot of relief all around

@Sirzy

I have only ready your posts and may be coming at it from a different angle than your hoping for but…

Ds has arfid, from the age of 7 he went from eating pretty much anything to eating nothing. Those who say a child won’t starve themselves are wrong in some cases. We tried everything and I noticed the more and and professionals pushed the more resistant he became.

From the age of 9 (he is now 12) he has been 90% tube fed. He gets enough calories and nutrients from the feeds to sustain him and he is now back to a healthy weight. This has removed all pressure from us both and he is now increasingly eating new foods, last week he tried chicken casserole which I never thought would happen.

What I am saying is as scary as it is tube feeding isn’t all bad and can provide a lot of relief all around

@Sirzy Thank you, I will definitely be looking at causes when I eventually get to speak to the GP. I definitely think it's either anxiety or she's trying to tell me something and using food to try and tell me.

@sweatervest

do you think it's ptsd from being in hospital? even though she's okay now it's still a worrying place to be as a 7 year old.

emdr/similar might help her?

@sweatervest Possibly could be ptsd, I will look into it when the GP eventually gets in touch with me thank you.

Tonight is activity night so we always have a packed lunch on our way out the door. She's eaten a chocolate bar, the ham from the sandwich, a babybell and a packet of crisps, so it appears smaller grazing might suit her better.

That's great news op!

That’s absolutely fantastic news. Let’s hope it’s a sign of things to come. But don’t get disheartened if things seem to backtrack at any point, these things often don’t work in a linear fashion.

That's brilliant! my DD who had the choking scare loved a picky plate as I called it, with similar things like bits of ham, cheese cubes, chopped up small fruit and crisps.
Lots of small finger foods. Wrap cut into little pinwheels with cream cheese.

Food on blue plates looks much more appealing than any other colour as well. It's a trick often used for the elderly in care homes, so a special bowl and plate couldn't hurt?