To ask how to make DD eat?

[NotMakingItABattle]

DD is 7.

She had covid in January and ended up in hospital with it.

Since then she flat out refuses to eat. Anything at all apart from crisps, sweets and chocolate.

She’s lost enough weight that if she doesn’t eat soon she’ll end up with a feeding tube.

She’s had counselling and the counsellor thought it was attention seeking rather than a huge issue. She got a lot of attention in hospital when she refused to eat and so they offered her yogurt or whatever she deemed to eat that day so now she says she’s not hungry or doesn’t like it to try and get us to give her what she wants.

I’ve temporarily banned all sweets, crisps and chocolate until she eats but she still tries it on refuses to put anything in her mouth claiming she doesn’t like it or she’s not hungry. I found a stash of sweets under her bed last week that she’s clearly been sneaking in and eating at night – she’s now in my room where I can monitor her.

I’m offering to make any foods she will eat as often as she wants until she’s back to herself but she still mostly refuses. I am at the point of saying “fine have the tube then” but I know it’ll hurt her and may make her even worse with food.

Other than practically force feeding her is there anything else I can do before we reach tube feeding point?

School are also open to suggestions as she’s also refusing to drink there and they’re at the point of saying they can’t meet her needs if she doesn’t improve.

She’s very stubborn so things have to be her idea rather than mine or schools. She’s also very hypermobile and plays on that as she knows it gets her out of doing things like sport – her physio has said it’s common in children because they realise the condition gets them extra attention so they don’t want to get better because of it. She’s also suspected dyslexic and dyspraxic – has processing and memory issues alongside these.

So anything I can try? I don’t want to make food into a battle.

Before she had covid she was a good eater, bit reluctant with vegetables but could be persuaded to eat them. Always loved fruit, pasta and most meats though. She’s also very sensory, loves heavy blankets and cuddles so I suspect a little bit of sensory processing going on to.

Ooh this is a tough one. It does sound to me like your DD is attention seeking, and is getting even more of it now that you have moved her into your room too! May I ask why you didn’t just stop buying sweets instead? Saying this your DD has taken her need for attention to the extreme, and that in itself is worrying. Was she not getting much attention before she got ill? (not asking that as a dig, some kids need more and it can be hard when other kids, work etc. Either way I would stop buying sweets (chocolates much better) and try her on something a bit less ‘exciting’ and more nutritious but still sweet like milkshakes made with tea fruit and healthy drinks made with a juicer. Give her attention for anything but eating/not eating and hopefully she’ll soon get bored and start eating normally again soon.

Obviously do continue to seek medical help but I'm wondering if she might understand a chat about how many calories her body needs each day and what that looks like? Actually plating it up or getting the right number of yogurts out and looking at it together.

That sounds incredibly hard OP and I'm sorry you are not getting the support you need. I would echo previous posters and suggest using what she likes to gently try and extend what she will eat. You could try chocolate milk (possibly whizzed up with frozen banana); making a sweet pizza together - spread with Nutella and top with grapes/strawberries/marshmallows etc; make rocky road and include raisins etc. Would she eat chocolate covered raisins or nuts? Obviously this is not ideal but if you can get calories, a few nutrients and a jelly vitamin down her neck you might be able to avoid a feeding tube.

@Zanina

What if you went to McDonalds, do you think she would refuse to eat there? Sounds silly but something exciting in an exciting environment / string smell of food might just break the chain of behaviour. Maybe crisps sandwiches, baby fruit pouches from the fridge.

I second putting the food in front of her for 30 mins and no fuss trying to get her to eat.

Would have done this with a baby or toddler but when they least expect it, from behind put a little bit of food in their mouth. So say like hummus or Tuna mix (can't choke on it) but it just gets the taste buds going. Or sensory play with foods.

Dates are sweet and full of energy. Honey on toast. Glass of milk. I think if you can get her to eat fruit instead of processed sugar (help wean off it) that might her get 1 step closer to eating proper food.

What did she love eating before covid?

@Zanina Pasta was always a favourite, she loved meatballs with spaghetti and homemade sauce, lasagne, spag bol etc.

She would eat pretty much everything bar things like mushrooms. She would reluctantly eat vegetables but that seemed normal.

It's since sh's had covid.

Have rung my GP for an appointment to see if they can help.

I'm concerned that the counsellor said it was for attention as if that is something your little girl can just switch off.

What are the credentials of this counsellor?

It doesn't sound right. I'd want my child to be seen by a paediatrician and psychiatrist, this is very serious.

If she's eating sweets etc at least she is able to eat. It sounds to me like she found it all very distressing and feels comforted by treat foods but she is unlikely to have any insight into this.

@Rodion

Would she be interested in 'conducting an experiment' just to see how her sense of taste has returned for a variety of different food groups?

As she doesn't get hungry any more you explain there's no pressure to eat the things, just to chew for a couple of moments and spit them out. Make it loads of fun with lots of attention for her seeing which tastes she can spot. And of course you make the most marvellously delicious things known to man to remind her of what she loved before. No idea if it would work but it's the sort of thing I'd try with my kids, like the 'close your eyes and guess which colour pepper' game.

I doubt introducing chew & spit would be a good idea.

It's a feature on the pro-ana sites.

I attended a special needs session at my son’s school and remember them saying crisps aren’t the end of the world if that’s what they want - you can get low salt ones. Would bribery work at all? Eg a bit of tomato pasta or mash or fish finger and then a small handful of crisps? And repeat.

Who's this awful counsellor who proclaimed this serious issue was attention seeking? FFS! Some of these people are dangerous and should be struck off!

Plenty of people have stopped eating following Covid, my FIL included. Whether it's simply a taste issue or a neurological problem, it's real. My heart breaks for this poor 7 yo who's being told she's attention seeking.

Agree that she should be offered anything she'll eat. Look into low histamine foods too as high histamine seems to be causing digestive issues in post Covid folks and maybe that's why she's reluctant to eat, without knowing that's why.

If there's been discussion around tube feeding, does that mean there's a paediatrician involved? You could ask them to make a referral to CAMHS or eating disorder team (if it's a separate pathway). They might be better than GP because they'll know her current eating situation in more detail if they've been monitoring her intake/weight?

After I had covid lots of normal foods tasted really bitter for months. I had to throw them in hand bin. The only things that were palatable were sweet things, so maybe that is playing a part in it?

*the bin

I’m amazed she’s in school. How does she have the energy?

@PinkSyCo

Ooh this is a tough one. It does sound to me like your DD is attention seeking, and is getting even more of it now that you have moved her into your room too! May I ask why you didn’t just stop buying sweets instead? Saying this your DD has taken her need for attention to the extreme, and that in itself is worrying. Was she not getting much attention before she got ill? (not asking that as a dig, some kids need more and it can be hard when other kids, work etc. Either way I would stop buying sweets (chocolates much better) and try her on something a bit less ‘exciting’ and more nutritious but still sweet like milkshakes made with tea fruit and healthy drinks made with a juicer. Give her attention for anything but eating/not eating and hopefully she’ll soon get bored and start eating normally again soon.

@PinkSyCo She has me to herself after school 4 times a week, I'm a single parent, the other night she has an activity that she adores and has begged me not to stop.

On our nights we do her homework together, play a board game or card game, will read a story in either my bed or her bed then a quick chat before sleep.

School she's in a smallish class of 25, but is often out of class doing small group or 1-1 work, she definitely has friends in class as I see her playing with them in the mornings while waiting to go in. School say she's more of a follower than a leader with games, but she will go up to a child either from her class or the other class and just start playing whatever they're playing.

She is slightly speech delayed so does struggle to make herself understood but it's not an issue with other children it's usually when they have supply teachers or staff who don't work with her day to day.

She sees ExH for 1 night EOWend and I think this is where the wanting attention stems from. She asks him to see her more but he always says he's busy.

@MrsSkylerWhite

I’m amazed she’s in school. How does she have the energy?

@MrsSkylerWhite She's always had a really small appetite some days she'd eat a few mouthfuls of cereal, an apple and a small plate of fish pie for example but be fine although always skinny and borderline underweight.

@Thalia21

If there's been discussion around tube feeding, does that mean there's a paediatrician involved? You could ask them to make a referral to CAMHS or eating disorder team (if it's a separate pathway). They might be better than GP because they'll know her current eating situation in more detail if they've been monitoring her intake/weight?

@Thalia21 it was her physio talking to the GP who suggested the feeding tube and the GP wanted to give it a bit longer.

Physio might be the way to go to get support though if the GP isn't going to help as the Physio does actually listen and try to help.

I think it is slightly attention seeking but not in the sense of manipulation, more like there's something going on either post/long covid, or she's in pain or something neuro or psycological and she just doesn't have the words or ability to tell me so she's telling me in the only way she can - with food.

To add she does drink at home, she won't drink water anymore but will drink orange squash and orange juice, she just won't drink at school, even if I give her squash or she choose orange juice with her lunch so I'm not overly worried about the not drinking.

Just coming on here to say that you need to push your GP to monitor her physical condition and to chase CAMHS to assess her priority. Teen close to me has developed anorexia over the last 6 months and GP has been seeing her frequently, taking bloods regularly and chasing her CAMHS referral. CAMHS saw her to assess priority after 3 months, agreed she was in the highest priority category and she's now started their full programme. Can't say it's making her eat yet, but at least we know that everything possible is being done and they're keeping a very close eye on her physical condition.

My son has been the same for months. He feels nauseous with lack of appetite and just can't eat. We were both sick in Nov and then in Jan again and I was the same so I know how he feels and I know he's not just looking for attention. He could only eat very 'light' foods. We are trying omeprozole for the past week and it is working. While he was unwell he ate rich tea biscuits, sweet breakfast toasting waffles, pom bears, kinder buenos, cocoa pops, frosties (I bought the variety packs) apple puffs, donuts, muesli bars, nature valley bars, and ice pops but not all at the same time. He'd eat one or two things for a week then not want it anymore and go on to something new. After being sick my stomach was very acidic so I had no interest in food. I used silicol gel, gaviscon advance and omeprozole ( I have that on prescription) to get me out if it. After many tests on my son the Dr agreed to try the omeprozole tablet and it along with Silicolgel are working. ( be warned silicolgel does taste very bitter but I could get him to take it by drinking coke after wards) I know of 3 other people in the same situation and all have said they crave sweet salty things over anything else.

NotMakingItABattle

MrsSkylerWhite
I’m amazed she’s in school. How does she have the energy?
@MrsSkylerWhite She's always had a really small appetite some days she'd eat a few mouthfuls of cereal, an apple and a small plate of fish pie for example but be fine although always skinny and borderline underweight“

Our son was underweight until he was 8 or so. (He’s 6ft 4 and strapping now). I can’t remember the name but we used to supplement with something that was the paediatric opposite of slimfast. A calorie dense milkshake powder. Would your daughter drink something like that?

My DD has ASD and goes through periods of struggling to eat.

The main thing we do is take the stress and focus off it - we don't make a big deal out of it, or add to the stress - we just say don't worry, this is a phase and you will eat again soon (this is easier for us as we know that this is the case). You could say lots of people have this with Covid and their appetite comes back - no big deal.

We offer pretty much any food DD wants (within reason), so if it is noodles for breakfast, we cook that. If its a McDs, that is also fine. However, DD has not really ever taken the piss and only asked for chocolate, so again, easier said than done.

I hope that the GP can provide support because people saying it is just manipulation feels quite unhelpful.

Having a tube may not be the solution if she learns to pull it out - as she'll very quickly learn that's a new way to get immediate attention if she is just using food as an attention seeking mechanism!

I would let her eat anything she wants for now instead of trying to starve her into choosing healthier food. If she's hunting out sweets and hiding them can you 'hide' other foods in the same place or leave little plates/dishes of snacks around where she can get them when you're not watching her.

But as others have said this level of weight loss and lack of nutrition requires medical supervision from the GP/ Dietician/Paediatrician.

IF it's an attention thing, then perhaps leaving a full plate of very small pieces of food (half grapes, Cheerios, tiny cheese chunks, mini cupcakes) out on the table for anyone to have. The aim being she sneaks some like the sweets, the size meaning its unnoticed if taken and no food avoidance attention missed. I wouldn't even tell her it's for her,

Children need nutrients and calories to grow. Cavities in the great scheme of things aren't as serious as being malnourished. Also maybe extra tooth brushing and drinking more water can help. I can imagine that a feeding tube might be a bit traumatising as well.

Op I agree with the others who have said that just get calories into her no matter what or how. How much exactly is she eating? If the choice is between nothing and chocolates then go for the chocolates and I give her a multi vitamin.

I also second the pediasure idea. And the least worst option. If she still likes chocolates have you tried giving her chocolate Pancakes or choc au pain?

Lots of Nutella or chocolate spread on bread?

If she eats cookies or cake then you could add a lot of nutrients to that (lots of eggs, dairy, fruits and even vegetables).

Another option is to let her watch TV or videos while eating. My DD is underweight and I hated resorting to this hsvit but it does get more food into kids. My DD would forget to eat while watching videos so I also had to feed her at times.. not great but it did help in terms of getting healthy food into her.

Best of luck. This must be so worrying. Keep going back to the GP, health visitor, etc. Don't let them fob you off. If your GP isn't helpful then I'd consider changing clinics.

oh actually if she likes all cake you can pretty much make meal replacement cake:

400g oats (any basic oats)
200g almond flour/ ground almonds
6 heaped tablespoons of peanut butter
4 tablespoons of honey
200g of any chopped dry fruits she'll eat (dates can be softer than raisins and unobtrusive in the cake compared to raisins)
2 chopped apples without core - whether you peel is up to you, and you could grate it if you want.
4 big very ripe bananas mashed
700 ml full fat milk

The recipe is quite forgiving and can take extra ingredients- I've put three big grated carrots or a jar of stewed apple in it before (just needs slightly longer in the oven)

tray bake- baking paper on an oven tray and pour it on, 35 minutes at 200°c

I make this to leave for for my own teen son who can be lazy about eating enough on days he does insane amounts of sport but my whole family eat it including my fussy youngest (as long asI don't put raisins in).

As cake goes its pretty nutritionally dense.

oh 2 tablespoons of baking powder!!

I typed from memory - don't leave the baking powder out ^ sorry!