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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the only person who prefers a breakup text?

41 replies

Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:11

Friend just got dumped. He took her to a restaurant. Acting normal the whole time, until they got food and at which point he told her it wasn't working. Cue her having to sit through a whole meal trying not to cry, AND having to get a 25 min lift home with him in the car. I'm single so don't have this issue, but I seem to be one of the rare few that thinks 'ffs just text me so I can process it on my own'. They'd only been together 3 months. Obviously would he very different asking for a divorce over text. So, am I the weird one? Seen this crop up on here a few times and a lot of people think that even after 2/3 months a whole face to face debacle is kindest. Curious...

OP posts:
Someonemustknowtheanswer · 21/03/2022 19:18

Agree. Text is way easier and I'd prefer it.

Chaosandmadness · 21/03/2022 19:18

You are not alone. I would prefer this too. I've only had one bloke break up with me and that was face to face. He just sat there looking at me afterwards when I just wanted him to get the fuck out of my house. In the end I went upstairs telling him to close the door on his way out. He still hung around for 10 minutes though. Not really sure why!

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:19

Maybe it's an introvert thing. Not that I buy into it but there are definitely two types of people with a few sprinkled in between who don't care either way.

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 21/03/2022 19:21

Phone would suit me best, after a short relationship

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:21

I was broken up with once face to face at his house, the he offered to cook for me after. I had to wait to get the bus which ran every hour. It was minus degrees outside and hailing. It was fucking terrible.

OP posts:
Gladioli23 · 21/03/2022 19:21

I mean I'm pretty sure it's the sort of thing you should do at least over the phone.

I think the issue with a text is if they're anything like me they could be out and about or seeing their friends/family or whatever and get a text that then really upsets them at an inappropriate time? I could be about to go into a work meeting and quickly check my texts or whatever. Obviously I don't check them in meetings and o guess technically that's my problem but I wouldn't expect to receive any bad news by next particularly.

But equally you surely don't arrange an actual date to break up with them - maybe go for a walk somewhere that it can easily be cut short, or pop round to their house but nothing that requires you to spend the rest of the evening in awkward silence...

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:22

@notanothertakeaway

Phone would suit me best, after a short relationship
Yes didn't think of that. I could definitely deal with phone too because I'd be in my own space and able to process without feeling humiliated.
OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 21/03/2022 19:22

I think it doe needs how long you’ve been dating.

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:23

@Gladioli23

I mean I'm pretty sure it's the sort of thing you should do at least over the phone.

I think the issue with a text is if they're anything like me they could be out and about or seeing their friends/family or whatever and get a text that then really upsets them at an inappropriate time? I could be about to go into a work meeting and quickly check my texts or whatever. Obviously I don't check them in meetings and o guess technically that's my problem but I wouldn't expect to receive any bad news by next particularly.

But equally you surely don't arrange an actual date to break up with them - maybe go for a walk somewhere that it can easily be cut short, or pop round to their house but nothing that requires you to spend the rest of the evening in awkward silence...

You'd be surprised how little thought goes in to a lot of face to face breakups and it ends up being hideously awkward and humiliating! But yes all your points taken.
OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 21/03/2022 19:23

Ffs.

Depends on.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 21/03/2022 19:23

Phone call.

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:24

@AchillesPoirot

Ffs.

Depends on.

Definitely. I'm referring to the 2-4 month mark as per my friend. Not official yet etc. Just something that makes me glad I'm single and happy that way Grin
OP posts:
Lurking9to5 · 21/03/2022 19:25

Agree, don't want to be brought out for dinner and then dumped. I'd feel foolish. It happened to me once. Felt stupid.

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:25

@IWasFunBeforeMum

Phone call.
I'd have to send a warning 'we need to talk' esque text first
OP posts:
Gizacluethen · 21/03/2022 19:25

I think I'd prefer my husband to break up with me over text tbh!

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:26

I also can't imagine being THAT invested in someone after 3 months. But then again I'm a big fan of taking things slowly (says me who has been single for 2 years)

OP posts:
inheritancetrack · 21/03/2022 19:31

the only positive in a face to face is an explanation and chance to ask questions, however do you get honest answers? Is it all too much of a shock to ask the right questions.

Text seems better, but should also allow for questions to be asked.

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:32

@inheritancetrack

the only positive in a face to face is an explanation and chance to ask questions, however do you get honest answers? Is it all too much of a shock to ask the right questions.

Text seems better, but should also allow for questions to be asked.

Also do you owe anyone anything other than 'it's not working for me' 3 months in? I would be annoyed if I was quizzed on my decision to end things at this stage.
OP posts:
ClariceQuiff · 21/03/2022 19:33

Unless it's a long-term relationship, I would prefer a text. You don't have to react to it immediately and you're not stuck in a restaurant or whatever.

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:34

@ClariceQuiff

Unless it's a long-term relationship, I would prefer a text. You don't have to react to it immediately and you're not stuck in a restaurant or whatever.
Out of curiosity, what is your definition of a ltr? I think my opinion might be wildly off here... I'd say anything after 7/8 months give or take depending on the people/circs.
OP posts:
Someonemustknowtheanswer · 21/03/2022 19:35

What questions do you need to ask? They're not into you. End of.

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:36

@Someonemustknowtheanswer

What questions do you need to ask? They're not into you. End of.
Exactly! After 20 years of marriage then of course an explanation is warranted. After you've just realised you aren't into him/her in early days? Nah, no explanation necessary!
OP posts:
C0rBlimey · 21/03/2022 19:36

I was broken up with by text after a 15 month relationship and I thought it the height of cowardice to be honest. A phone call was the least I felt I was owed after that length of time.

I would say if its 3 months or less, text. More than that, put on your big girl/boy pants and call the person.

FuckThatBullshit · 21/03/2022 19:36

Text all the way, fuck being an adult about it 🤣👍

futuremoneyinbank · 21/03/2022 19:39

I think text with the option to meet up later to talk if requested. That way a venue and time can be chosen wisely and questions thought of if needed.

FWIW I text my ex "I'm not sure what that was but it doesn't seem like we should be together...?" which was left unread for 6hrs then pounced upon as "she broke up with me over text!" and he then refused to meet at all to talk about it! I was more cross with him for not even debating the suggestion and having the guts to talk it through properly...but either way i'm happy to be the villain in hindsight. If he had thought otherwise he would have said so, so i'm glad I had the balls to suggest it.