Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the only person who prefers a breakup text?

41 replies

Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:11

Friend just got dumped. He took her to a restaurant. Acting normal the whole time, until they got food and at which point he told her it wasn't working. Cue her having to sit through a whole meal trying not to cry, AND having to get a 25 min lift home with him in the car. I'm single so don't have this issue, but I seem to be one of the rare few that thinks 'ffs just text me so I can process it on my own'. They'd only been together 3 months. Obviously would he very different asking for a divorce over text. So, am I the weird one? Seen this crop up on here a few times and a lot of people think that even after 2/3 months a whole face to face debacle is kindest. Curious...

OP posts:
sweatervest · 21/03/2022 19:41

i'd prefer the joey (tribbiani) way "be a guy! stop calling her"

ghosting suits me FINE

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:47

@sweatervest

i'd prefer the joey (tribbiani) way "be a guy! stop calling her"

ghosting suits me FINE

I draw the line at ghosting Grin
OP posts:
Moody123 · 21/03/2022 19:47

I once got dumped by a two page letter, while the guy sat there and watched me read it !

CaptainThe95thRifles · 21/03/2022 19:51

I'm all about that text Grin Breaking up face to face is unnecessarily stressful for an early days relationship.

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 19:52

@Moody123

I once got dumped by a two page letter, while the guy sat there and watched me read it !
That's really, really, reaalllyyy funny (so sorry) but you've got to laugh at how fucking emotionally inept some people are
OP posts:
ClariceQuiff · 21/03/2022 19:53

Out of curiosity, what is your definition of a ltr?

It's not cut and dried because much might depend on how much time you have actually spent together - if you have been in each other's pockets the whole time, that would be different from someone you were seeing once a week - but probably on average a minimum of six months.

gigglewater · 21/03/2022 19:53

A proper tool did that to me. It isn't about kindness or doing the right thing, it is about power. His having it. He enjoyed humiliating me in a restaurant. Later I found out a whole load of nasty about him, your friend has had a lucky break. A phone call is much kinder if there has been a relationship, anything less, a text is better.

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 20:04

@gigglewater

A proper tool did that to me. It isn't about kindness or doing the right thing, it is about power. His having it. He enjoyed humiliating me in a restaurant. Later I found out a whole load of nasty about him, your friend has had a lucky break. A phone call is much kinder if there has been a relationship, anything less, a text is better.
He didn't even pay for her meal and she's a single mum on Universal credit working full time for a low wage. Honestly he's a massive cnut in my opinion. So yeanmh, I agree.
OP posts:
BashfulClam · 21/03/2022 20:11

I had a short relationship and had just fallen for him when he turned round as we fell asleeo sighed and said ‘we’re not suited!’ Broke my heart though as I really fell for him and we worked in the same office so it was doubly hard.

welshladywhois40 · 21/03/2022 21:39

My boyfriend dumped me by text at 6am in the morning after a nearly two year relationship.

I bagged up his stuff and drove over and arrived at 7am. He wouldn't let me in so always assumed the replacement was already in situ.

No - I hated it and I don't think it's right for a long term relationship

Original poster
Anansiskunk · 21/03/2022 21:48

@welshladywhois40

My boyfriend dumped me by text at 6am in the morning after a nearly two year relationship.

I bagged up his stuff and drove over and arrived at 7am. He wouldn't let me in so always assumed the replacement was already in situ.

No - I hated it and I don't think it's right for a long term relationship

Oh god after 2 years? That's definitely not OK.
OP posts:
JamSandwich89 · 21/03/2022 21:59

Hmm... I think it depends how long you've been together. Maybe something like:
Couple of dates - text
Couple of months - phonecall at least, but preferably in person
Closer to a year or longer - definitely in person, but in private
The only time I think breaking up in public is ok is if you are worried about your safety regarding their reaction. Otherwise, it just seems cruel.

TonTonMacoute · 21/03/2022 21:59

A friend said that the nicest break up she had was when he turned up at her flat with a big bunch of flowers to explain that things weren't working out.

Kind and considerate but not public and long drawn out.

As I'm old I don't really approve of doing difficult conversations by text, but for a short term relationship it would be be far better to get a text rather than just hear nothing - which is what used to happen in my day.

Porcupineintherough · 21/03/2022 22:01

@notanothertakeaway

Phone would suit me best, after a short relationship
Me too. Maybe because I'm older but I'd find a text a bit cowardly.
inventinglouise · 21/03/2022 22:05

Before 3 months, text, after 3 months, in person but not in public. Easy.

SucculentChalice · 21/03/2022 22:20

I'm not sure, I think I prefer in person or at least a phone call. But I'll choose anything over having my belongings dumped outside my door for anyone to steal and being blocked and unblocked over the next year to be reminded of how sorry he was but how he was definitely dumping me, ad infinitum (in the end I blocked him because he seemed to be enjoying it).

New posts on this thread. Refresh page