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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social media with your true reality.

42 replies

ChocolateIsAlwaysTheAnswer · 21/03/2022 18:38

People always say social media is just the highlights of people's lives. So am trying to test this theory. What would people think if they viewed your social media and what is the reality?
I don't post much but the other day I posted a photo of myself in my friends garden. I look very happy and glowing in it. The reality is I was feeling extremely anxious and unhappy yet you would never know by looking at that photo.

OP posts:
Wedonttalkaboutboris · 21/03/2022 18:43

Just for starters, people probably think that my house is a lot cleaner and tidier than it is

bracebrace · 21/03/2022 18:44

They would realise I am a disgusting slob. Hopefully they don't already know this as I am very careful to keep it behind closed doors.

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/03/2022 18:48

They’d think I go to a lot of parties and spend a lot of time wearing costumes. Which I do - but I also do a lot of other stuff like going to work and sitting in my living room which aren’t especially Facebook-worthy.

Deliaskis · 21/03/2022 18:53

I'm not a prolific poster, maybe 2-3 times a month, but I guess mine is also highlights only. I mean, why would someone want to know the really mundane things like I was working from home and couldn't decide whether to have soup or salad for lunch. I suppose I post things that friends or family who I don't see every day would like to see. So it's mostly holiday snaps, a bit of weekend stuff, DD's activity, the occasional 'oh no car broke down again' type stuff etc.

I think that's pretty reflective of what most of my friends post really. A few are on there more and share opinion at times, a little light politics, and also showing support for various causes etc. I don't think I know many people who share a lot more detail or emotion.

But perhaps we're a very dull bunch!

WormHasTurned · 21/03/2022 19:02

I look back at some stuff and remember although I looked smiley and happy I had crippling anxiety. Mine says nothing at the moment because I’m off work with Covid. I show the positives with me and DD. I haven’t declared that my marriage ended, doesn’t feel right to announce it on social media! I’ve never been one to moan on social media so it might seem like I’m happy because of when I post. Only people who truly know me well contact me when I’ve gone quiet, that’s when I’m struggling.

SpringSummerAutumnSpring · 21/03/2022 19:04

I think Facebook and SM in general has been around long enough for us to realise that for the majority of the time it’s people’s highlights. I’ve noticed this especially since having DD and spending time with other mums. I don’t really post anything. Someone I know always posts about her children’s ‘bond’ and how loving her eldest is towards his little baby sister with images him giving her a kiss of a hug - every time we meet up she has to tell him not try and hit her and pinch her. It’s quite extreme jealous behaviour. Another friend will post what an amazing time we’ve had at the park or something with a smiling picture when in fact her child was crying and screaming apart from that 30 second interval when she took the photo. I’m not judging - my child can be a handful too obviously, but I don’t choose to be in denial about these things on social media. I’m not saying people have to be truthful all the time - if I had a bad time in the park with mine and I didn’t want to make a fuss and talk about I would probably just say ‘yeah, we had fun…’ but why go out your way to be untruthful about something that no one asked about in the first place?

SushiGo · 21/03/2022 19:08

I think, especially when you have kids, it's perfectly okay for social media to be highlights only.

Often what we need reminding of, when we look back at old social media posts is good times with friends and family in the past - not the times your house looked like a bombsite, you all had a row and your teenager was being totally unreasonable.

That doesn't mean it's not okay to post negative stuff sometimes, or that you should pretend everything is fine when it isn't. Just that you'll appreciate those photos of good times when time has passed considerably more than if you'd used it to mostly talk about the shit bits of life.

Sheilaroundthefountain · 21/03/2022 19:16

I don’t really post pictures on social media, but have an Etsy shop, and some of my products are pictured on lovely floorboards. Friends have seen these pictures and quite a few have remarked on my beautiful new floor.

Same crappy floor as always but I’ve got a single piece of 30x30cm craft paper that looks amazing in pictures (that are actually carefully taken at my desk)

I do tell them. There’s no point in pretending.

MedusasBadHairDay · 21/03/2022 19:21

We were looking through old photos at my dad's house a few weeks back, and they didn't show the day to day stuff, it was all days out and nice clothes. Unless they are a bit of an arty reportage photography type people have always been unlikely to take photos of the day to day stuff. Difference is that now we put the photos online instead of in photo albums we are more aware of it.

SailingNotSurfing · 21/03/2022 19:27

I post seascapes and sunsets, very few photos of me and my family. People will deduce I live by the sea and it's very pretty.

berlinbabylon · 21/03/2022 19:33

I don't think mine gives a false impression, but I don't post very much, so I guess that tells a story of its own - I don't do anything exciting enough to share!

I've always wondered about people saying everything on social media is lies because if someone posts a picture of their "lovely" friends out for a meal and says #blessed to be out with the #besties - well they might have had a rubbish evening we don't know about, but they were out with those people for the length of time it took to take the photo.

ohCARP · 21/03/2022 19:41

I don't have Facebook or Instagram so I probably come across as grumpy and anti social. Which would be correct 😂

saggyhairyass · 21/03/2022 20:09

I hide behind a pseudonym on Twitter because my employer probably wouldn't like my GC views. Other than that, you'd think I hated transgender people. I don't, at all. I don't hate anyone. But women's rights are important to me, and I don't think gender ideology should impinge on them. Also, fairness in sport, and how GI is a sexist idea.

In real life I keep most of my views to myself. I am a very shy, introverted person. If you saw me, you would think I wouldn't say boo to a goose.

I'm not on Insta or Facebook.

Thoosa · 21/03/2022 20:10

They’d think I post one photo a year and support some charitable campaigns. Grin

Lurking9to5 · 21/03/2022 20:13

Even when I have things to be proud of I don't post them because I don't like to be seen as boasting. Just one I boasted, when my DC! got in to Trinity but that was because I felt I was countering the last 20 years of not every talking about what's good in my life. When I got my house, I had a lot of single parent friends (as well as friends living in houses twice the size of this one) and I decided not to put up anything like ''finally a homeowner'' because lots of people AREN'T.

So maybe I'm too mindful of having something, anything, that other people don't have and might want. I don't think other people worry about thhis so much!

WomanStanleyWoman · 21/03/2022 20:21

In the early days of Facebook, I used to get told I was ‘always out partying and enjoying myself’ - usually in a positive way, but sometimes by people who seemed a little bitter that they weren’t living a party lifestyle. The thing was, neither was I - I just didn’t post when I was sitting at home in front of the telly, or staying in because I had no money. Why would I? I wasn’t ‘hiding’ anything; I just didn’t feel the need to update daily if I wasn’t doing anything exciting. Who wants to read ‘WomanStanleyWoman just had a cup of tea. She considered having a biscuit, but didn’t’?

Nowadays, a frequent comment is that I’m ‘always on holiday’. Whilst I probably do take more holidays than average, I’m hardly Judith Chalmers. But because seeing someone tagged on holiday is more memorable than seeing them tagged in the local pub, and friends see pictures of me on holiday more regularly than they do other people, me being on holiday four times a year morphs into ‘always on holiday’ in their minds. Also, my Facebook posts are an insignificant thing compared to the dozens of things my friends are dealing with in their own lives, so while they might be thinking ‘Wasn’t she only on holiday a few weeks ago?’, it’s probably more like three or four months ago.

WomanStanleyWoman · 21/03/2022 20:24

@Wedonttalkaboutboris

Just for starters, people probably think that my house is a lot cleaner and tidier than it is
Oh yes Grin People only see very select corners of my home on social media! Careful cropping required!
StopFeckingFaffing · 21/03/2022 20:36

I don't really post mundane everyday stuff at all so most of my posts or things I am tagged in are social events, holidays, family get togethers and the occasional sporting event. I'm not prolific on SM but probably post something on FB once or twice a month.

I never share anything about my job, health, DC achievements or events with people who aren't on FB so someone who doesn't know me well would only get a very superficial impression of my life or character

Dameputtingonabraveface · 21/03/2022 20:37

I do not do social media. Teen DD does and is under strict instructions not to show the general chaos! I am always suspicious of proper grown ups who need to post everything and convince the world their family life is amazing. The making memories posts make me question why they are not fully engaged in a family day out rather than trying to create photos for people who do not really care and are just doing their own thing. Same with posts of Christmas trees, baking with children, family walks. Lovely but really not something out of the ordinary that really needs drawing attention to. To be fair, only a certain type engages in this madness but they are unstoppable.

CatLikeEyes · 21/03/2022 20:38

That we're a happy, close family that do a lot of activities together.

Reality, I worry my kids see too many arguments. I'm unhappy in pretty much every part of my life. I don't know that I can live like this for much longer. I don't know how to get us out.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 21/03/2022 20:48

My house is waaaaaaay cleaner on sm than real life. I try not to be disingenuous so I don't post pics if we're having a crap time, I also try not to brag, I'd rather post a pic of my friends dancing at a concert than the amazing seats. Same with hotels etc. I love my account though.
The other thing that I'll never do is let my kids down- I don't care if I'm not balanced, I'll show them at their best but I won't at their worst. I don't care if that gives the impression that they're angels or I'm trying to distort reality- my friends and family know who we are and what we're like.

Blossombo · 21/03/2022 20:55

I don’t use Facebook and my Instagram is literally for my dogs 🤣 @florenceandfox_ (if you are interested) 🥰 honestly check it out 🥰

However my dogs have a pretty good life, so I imagine people think I spend all the time with my dogs (which is only partially correct) I do work, have a DD, partner house etc but it’s a fun way of having an IG account without sharing too much about my actual life 🥰🥰

I have family, friends and work colleagues on my IG and they just love the dog content but means they can tag me in interesting things etc xx

Notdoingthis · 21/03/2022 21:04

I don't understand why people are bothered about other people only posting the positives. That's normal. Why would I post if I had an argument with my husband or skipped dinner because the kids take ages to go to bed? Who cares about that? I want to see and celebrate and share in my friends' hobbies and achievements and happiness. I am here for them if they need me, but I don't need every friend to know all the mundane, boring bits of my life.

Hawkins001 · 21/03/2022 21:05

@ChocolateIsAlwaysTheAnswer

People always say social media is just the highlights of people's lives. So am trying to test this theory. What would people think if they viewed your social media and what is the reality? I don't post much but the other day I posted a photo of myself in my friends garden. I look very happy and glowing in it. The reality is I was feeling extremely anxious and unhappy yet you would never know by looking at that photo.
That I'm in various intelligence and military related circles,
Hawkins001 · 21/03/2022 21:06

The reality , recruited for intelligence agencies, during university.

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