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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be hurt by a text from 6 years ago sent by bil

58 replies

3Daddy31982 · 21/03/2022 18:08

It's a long (incredibly long) text sent from BIL phone. I don't know if it was written by him or his then fiancée. It called me "pathetic" because I went into his engagement party then went out. I'd forgotten the exceptionally expensive cakes bought off (professional baker).

It moaned I didn't talk to them (son was 4 months old and didn't sleep. Since diagnosed with adhd. I was shattered.

It said I'd blocked him on my now husbands phone. I hadn't. It was filled with venom. I'm basically the bad guy.

Some text i sent (absolutely zero idea) was moaned about.

She left him as he couldn't impregnate her and work is beneath her...

I just feel crap.

OP posts:

NaomhPadraigin · 21/03/2022 19:22

called me "pathetic" because I went into his engagement party then went out.
I don't understand this, can you please explain? Did you turn up and then leave for another party?

I'd forgotten the exceptionally expensive cakes bought off (professional baker).
I don't understand this either, were you supposed to bring the cakes? Or did you forget to compliment them?

Anyway, after 6 years you need to let it go.

Philisophigal · 21/03/2022 19:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

TinaYouFatLard · 21/03/2022 19:25

Sorry, what???

ForeverSingle881 · 21/03/2022 19:27

Your post doesn't make a lot of sense. Why are you upset by a text from 6 years ago, do you still have contact with BIL? What has changed? The content of your post is strange, are you high or drunk? I have no idea who went where or what cake was forgotten but it doesn't matter that much except what are you so upset about now?

CrushedPistachios · 21/03/2022 19:28

Your op isn’t very clear. Was it your responsibility to bring the cakes but you forgot? Did you leave the party early to go home or to go out?

Gazelda · 21/03/2022 19:30

OP, you need to find a way to forget about the text.

None of it made sense at the time.
Your DH chose you.
All is good with BIL.
Your life is now happy.

So don't let something that happened so long ago ruin your current happiness.

NaomhPadraigin · 21/03/2022 19:30

@Mamagiraffe

OP I don't think the responses here are going to help you, as you probably will be a bit unreasonable due to rejection sensitive dysphoria. As someone on the ND pathway post motherhood too I get it. Sometimes you lash out at anything you can get a toehold on because you're full on traumatised. RSD will still feel just as strong to you now as if it happened yesterday. I don't have the answers unfortunately (still in the throes of some of my own) just wanted you to know that I understand a bit

Are you really diagnosing the OP on the basis of one post?

iklboo · 21/03/2022 19:31

She could only have 'nearly taken your husband' if he was willing to be taken.

FridaynightCry · 21/03/2022 19:56

What in God's name.
I cant make heads nor tails of your posts OP.
Either way you should leave the text in the past where it belongs. Focus on the good in your life without comparing it to what your BILs ex's life looks like now.
But please, try and think before you write things about someone not being able to 'impregnate' someone else. It makes you come across incredibly vile.

Mamagiraffe · 21/03/2022 19:57

No NaomhPadraigin. She said in her post that she has recently been diagnosed as ADHD, RSD is part and parcel of that. The OP is getting a really rough ride here for things which she most likely has no control over.

CrushedPistachios · 21/03/2022 20:07

@Mamagiraffe Much like a lot of the op, I don’t think it’s clear if she or her son has been diagnosed with adhd. I, and I suspect others on the thread, have read it as her son receiving the diagnosis.

Mamagiraffe · 21/03/2022 20:07

Just realised it's the son, diagnosed with ADHD, completely misunderstood I thought it was the OP diagnosed with ADHD

user1471457751 · 21/03/2022 20:08

No @Mamagiraffe. It's the child who has been diagnosed with adhd.
And even if the OP did have adhd that doesn't excuse going to someone's engagement party and ignoring them.

tomsellecksloverug · 21/03/2022 20:11

Nope, read it 8 times and still nope. Not a sausage as to what's going on.

CircleofWillis · 21/03/2022 20:12

I think your OP is saying that you went to their engagement party 6 years (or so) ago and didn't stay because you had a 4 month old and were exhausted from no sleep. You were supposed to bring the expensive cakes but forgot.
His family had taken against you and tried to separate you. The SIL was heavily involved in this move from the family.
You BIL (or his fiancé) sent you a vitriolic text afterwards and you were reminded of it recently as your BIL came over on Friday.
Is this close OP?

eldora · 21/03/2022 20:19

@3Daddy31982

I guess it upsets me by the vitriol. I'd gone to their engagement as I wanted to and I was really exhausted. The baby cried from 6pm to 8am every night.

I don't know why it still hurts me. But it does. I'd meant the cakes nicely. I didn't mean to forget them.

Bil was at his last Fri. All OK. My life's grand. Shouldn't let it get to me but it does.

She came close to taking my husband off me. His family told him me or them. We've been married 6 yrs. She's single. I guess that text reminded me of how sad 😔 she made me and how close I came to losing husband and being a single mum.

Your brother in law’s wife tried to take your husband from you?

AliasGrape · 21/03/2022 20:21

I understand your post as you went to your BIL’s engagement party 6 years ago, you had a new baby and were shattered. You left the party to get some expensive cakes that you had bought for them, but had forgotten.

At the party you didn’t talk much as were so tired.

A vitriolic text was sent either by your brother in law or his then fiancée - criticising your behaviour at the party, calling you pathetic and also complaining about another text you had previously sent.

Either as a result as the fall out from all this, or maybe for other reasons, your husbands family wanted to separate you and tried to make him choose between you and them.

Your husband stayed with you. Things are smoothed over enough for your husband to have recently seen your BIL, who is no longer with the fiancée in question.

You are still upset about the text, or something has happened/ been said that has brought it all up again for you.

Is that anywhere near?

It’s hard to advise really as there’s so much context missing. Why did your in laws want your husband to leave you just off the back of a nasty text sent to you? Did it turn into a bigger argument amongst the whole family? Did your husband stand up to you at the time? Is there any further contact with the ex fiancée or reason why she is still looming so large for you? Is the relationship between you and your in laws better now?

Baconandmaplesyrup · 21/03/2022 20:23

None of it made sense at the time

Not sure any of it makes sense now to be fair.

momtoboys · 21/03/2022 20:26

Is anyone else unclear as to what is happening here? OP went to a party, did not speak to the guests of honor because she was tired, she forgot the cakes (were the cakes for the party? was she assigned the cakes)? Woman who is no longer involved in the situation and may have been the person who wrote the bad text said mean things and wielded so much power she almost caused the OP to be a single mother? And all of this happened 6 YEARS AGO?

And what does this mean? "Bil was at his last Fri.".

Baconandmaplesyrup · 21/03/2022 20:26

“He left her because he couldn’t impregnate her” that’s horrific? Ans how did she nearly take your husband, if she’s your bils ex? Did your husband have a thing with her?

cravingmilkshake · 21/03/2022 20:29

@spacehardware

Shamelessly place marking

😂😂😂

PurpleThursdays · 21/03/2022 20:29

I honestly haven't got a clue what's going on here.

Who in gods name is "she" and who failed to impregnate whom?

Redshoeblueshoe · 21/03/2022 20:29

Nope I don't understand any of this

grapewines · 21/03/2022 20:31

@MartinMartinMarti

Your comments about her infertility and singleness are vile.

Don’t go expecting sympathy for how you’ve been treated if you are going to be unpleasant yourself.

This, quite honestly.

Karma doesn't exist btw.

BeHappy91818 · 21/03/2022 20:32

@PurpleThursdays

I honestly haven't got a clue what's going on here.

Who in gods name is "she" and who failed to impregnate whom?

Who even keeps texts from 6 years ago …

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