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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter ‘forgotten’ at school

29 replies

Mishi2104 · 21/03/2022 17:09

Hi all,

So my daughter is 5 and in reception. Today on our walk home from school I asked the usual question of if she’d had a good day at school, she promptly burst in to tears and said that she was ,forgotten about’. From what I can gather with her explanation is that she was in the toilet and when she came out the classroom was empty, she said that all the children had been taken somewhere (I’m not entirely sure where as I can’t understand what my daughter is saying but I know it was somewhere outside) anyway she said that the teacher came and got her but I’m not sure how long she was there on her own for. When I picked her up from school the teacher never mentioned anything about it and I feel like I should have a least been told that it happened. I’m not annoyed that it happened, accidents happen and I understand they may not have realised she was in the toilet and I’m sure they went and got her a soon as they realised. But my daughter was very upset by what had happened and it took a while to calm her down and explain to her that it was an accident and they didn’t do it on purpose. AIBU to ask for an explanation tomorrow when I go drop her off? She’s my oldest so I’m new to all the school stuff and what not. Im not sure if it’s normal not to be told of things that happen in school and this is the first time she has come home upset as she normally loves school.

OP posts:

Ridcully82 · 21/03/2022 17:12

I'm new to this too as eldest at nursery,but I'd expect to be told,as she was upset:and they tell us about any mild physical bump,so an emotional bump like this should be covered,I'd have thought

Onlywomengivebirth · 21/03/2022 17:15

I don’t know. A couple of minutes can seem a long time at that age. But mention it if you feel you should.

ChessieFL · 21/03/2022 17:15

Just talk to the teacher and get their side of the story. It may only have been a minute or so and if your daughter wasn’t crying at the time the teacher may not have realised how upset she was.

FairyCakeWings · 21/03/2022 17:16

I don’t think you can expect to be told about every minor incident that upsets a child, the teacher would be there for an hour after pick up every day.

What’s the layout like in your school? Are the reception toilets in the classroom or do they have to go somewhere separate? Are they supposed to tell an adult every time they go to the toilet and if so, did this happen?

I’d let the teacher know that your dd was upset because she might be unsettled about going to the toilet in future, and they will be able to reassure her that she was safe etc.

Babadook76 · 21/03/2022 17:17

I’d be annoyed but it’s not something I’d expect to be pulled aside and told about after.

ToiletGambles · 21/03/2022 17:18

The thing is there is always 2 sides to a story, she may have been in the toilet and teacher knew this so came back for her but she had come out quicker than expected and got an initial shock about where everyone was and got upset? She could have been there a matter of seconds but to a confused child this would seem like a long time. I don't think the school can report every single thing that happens in a school day but I can see why she was upset and I hope she's feeling better about it tonight.

SouthOfFrance · 21/03/2022 17:20

I think I'd just ask the teacher what happened & let them know your dd was upset after school about it so they can reassure her in school if needed.

I think unless she was left for over 5/10 mins I wouldn't be expected to be told about it. It could just be they all walked to the hall and when they got their remembered your dd.

Rodion · 21/03/2022 17:20

I'd certainly ask about it as she's so distressed, but bear in mind it may have just been something as small as she appeared at the classroom door and found it empty (obv v upsetting) and then the teacher was instantly there behind her. At 5 the length of time is far less important to her than how she felt so it makes it hard to interpret her version of events. But if she was actually left along for a while if be quiet upset that it was brushed under the carpet and you weren't told. Hopefully it is just the former.

SexiestDogWalker · 21/03/2022 17:23

You should have been told, yes. It's worse for the school if you're not told and your child has
been impacted by their actions and shares it with you. Because then they look deceptive as well. The school LOST my 5 year old on a school trip to the grounds of a stately home. He went to the toilet with the TA and another
group of boys and she just left without him and their whole group walked to the other side of the park. There was a lake in this park. Apparently they were frantic after they got there and realised he was gone

. He had joined another school when he came
out of the loo with almost the exact same uniforms and was absolutely terrified because he didn't recognise anyone so he walked off to find his group, crying. Luckily a lady noticed the poor, crying kid, clocked the badge on his jumper and walked him to the other school group on the other side of the grounds.

My little boy told me that a nice lady told his teacher they were careless and I asked why. He then burst into tears and told me the whole story. School tried to play it off like THEY were traumatised and debriefing to work out where they went wrong which was why they didn't tell me

Onlyforcake · 21/03/2022 17:24

It's possible the upset came after when she was telling you. Maybe it played on her mind that she didn't know what to do, how to act. Her class/ teacher were not where she thought they were. She was probably unsure WHAT to do as she is new to school, couldn't predict where everyone was etc. When the weather is good and coats aren't needed it doesn't take much to usher children outside, i imagine it would have been aquick headcount through the door then outside to check they were one down. Then the teacher went back in to check the likely places (toilets, coat racks, reading corner) where a child might be.

hoplittlebunnyhop · 21/03/2022 17:25

This happened to my daughter the first few weeks of reception (so four at the time) I was never told about it, and it ended up that she’d also navigated to the wrong room and that room teacher wasn’t aware… checked CCTV as school adamant it couldn’t have happened - only for it to show it did. The teacher never told me about it either. I’d ask the teacher tomorrow in the line of “she was upset coming home did anything happen” and see what teacher says.

Onlyforcake · 21/03/2022 17:25

She might not have seemed upset to the teacher as she was too surprised at the time.

SevenWaystoLeave · 21/03/2022 17:26

This used to be my biggest fear at 5, lol, that I'd go to the toilet and then return to find the class had disappeared. So I absolutely sympathise that it upset her so much! But agree from the teacher's perspective it probably wasn't that long/that big a deal, and maybe they didn't realise how upset she was.

PhileasPhilby · 21/03/2022 17:33

Definitely mention it to the teacher but in an information gathering kind of way. It may have been a few minutes, may have only been 30 secs but as a teacher I’d want to know child was upset about it later. (Totally possible your dd was fine at the time & it was a very short time period so at the end of the day the teacher hadn’t registered it as significant moment for your daughter - so it’s useful if you let them know it was.)

Original poster

Mishi2104 · 21/03/2022 17:34

Ok thank you everyone for your answers, I will be having a quick word with the teacher just for peace of mind and some clarification. Having spoken to my daughter some more she has said she was upset at the time it happened and was crying as nobody was there. Obviously I don’t know how long she was stood in the classroom after coming out the toilet (the toilets are in the same room as the classroom) this is what I want to clear up with the teacher and obviously my daughter has no sense of time so could have been seconds, could have been minutes.

OP posts:

WonderfulYou · 21/03/2022 17:43

I’d check with the teacher but it could be like i did today - I said we’re all going outside to play and X said they need the toilet so they went off and I took the rest of the class outside before coming back in to get X from the classroom.

She was probably just a bit scared about being in the class on her own which would have never happened before but you could always mention it to put your and her mind at rest. Bless her x

Elderflower14 · 21/03/2022 17:43

Ds2 went to a residential deaf school. He texted me one morning to say he had gone downstairs in his residence and everyone had left and he was locked in... I had to ring the head of care to get them to send the staff back to let him out!

notacooldad · 21/03/2022 17:51

I would just reassure my child that everyone was around. They hadnt left school or left her wandering around a public place. Personally I wouldnt mention it. If you are complaining every time your child gets upset at school you stand the chance of never being away! To me it isnt a serious incident. I would save my complaing for something serious.

godmum56 · 21/03/2022 17:55

@notacooldad

but from what the OP has said she doesn't know if it wa serious or not and neither do you.

crimsonlake · 21/03/2022 17:58

To leave a classroom with all the children the routine is to get them lined up and count them before leaving...this clearly did not happen.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/03/2022 17:58

Of course you are not being unreasonable to question this. Just wondering why you didn't call the school as soon as you got home.

AmyandPhilipfan · 21/03/2022 17:58

Someone who I know had her just turned 4 year old nursery child left in the toilets while the rest of the class were taken to the hall for an activity. The teacher only realised half an hour later and returned to a sobbing, distraught child.

TheMentalLoad · 21/03/2022 17:59

Similar happened to my DD in Reception. They'd gone off to do Forest School, teacher had seen DD go into the toilets (they're in the classroom in Reception and Nursery) so had asked the TA to wait for her to come back and teacher took the others off to the Forest.

DD came back and saw no-one as the TA was stood in between the two Reception classes keeping an eye on a child misbehaving so DD didn't see her due to the layout of the classroom.

I actually didn't find out the teachers side of things until parents evening. But it made perfect sense.

notacooldad · 21/03/2022 18:04

but from what the OP has said she doesn't know if it wa serious or not and neither do you
Just saying what I'd do.🤷‍♀️
We got told if they were leaving the school premises. If this had happened off site fair enough. I would be asking. But if they had only gone outside like op said then, no, I wouldn't. It would be a quick reassurance and then get on with our evening.

missbunnyrabbit · 21/03/2022 18:08

This happens in schools. It's inevitable. You can't count the class every single time you leave the classroom. It's also not something I'd bother telling parents about - I'm a teacher and we just don't have time.

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