To think that being honest about telling the truth about having a baby means you're judged as having mental health issues?

[BabyFeb22]

Just that really! I had my beautiful first DD 5 weeks ago. Last week I posted on social media the truth... basically saying that social media makes all new babies/parenting look perfect and like a breeze when actually let's be honest it's bloody hard work!! This resulting in me getting at least 6 private messages asking if I was coping and saying I should speak to the doctors if not. Has social media really got to a point where we can no longer be truthful? AIBU in this was just caring messages or is it that no one likes the truth anymore and if you don't have a 'prefect' life then something must be wrong.

I agree with what you're saying OP. I don't use social media but when I have talked about my much harder experience with my second baby (currently 5 months) compared to my easier first baby, people seem to think I'm not coping when actually I just want to rant about not being able to eat/drink/shower etc.

I think they're just trying to look out for you. PND is very common and they want you to feel supported if you're finding it hard for whatever reason.

@BulletTrain

For me, it wasn't about people caring, it was about being told to I should go to the Dr for depression if I was having a bad day/week because that wasn't "normal".

Totally agree. I remember telling my sister that I was finding it hard, and rather than listening to what I was actually saying about the reality of life at that time, she went all head tilty and I know she was thinking about PND.

I didn’t have PND by the way, I just found the relentlessness tedious and missed my old life. People are very quite to say there is something ‘wrong’ when it really is a bomb going off in the middle of your life and you finding your feet as the dust settles.

I find that ridiculous

You didn't even say anything controversial. Certainly your post is not what I expected from the title. The observation that parenting is hard really shouldn't warrant that response.

If you were my friend on social media and I saw that post and knew the baby was 5 weeks I would not have responded because that is a known hard part, the week before baby smiling typically begins...

I don’t really understand why anything needs to be announced on social media. I just accept social media is a highlight reel and I actually find the ‘raw’ and ‘honest’ posts equally disingenuous. Equally we are all different, I didn’t find a new born phase that hard so the post would resonate as ‘oh I hope she’s not struggling’ to me and if I t was a good friend of message to check in. The toddler years however was a totally different story..

Agree with @groeggmeg …tbh I feel like all I read about is how hard motherhood/having a baby is so I feel like I was pretty well prepared. I have an 11 week old baby and I found the first 4 weeks pretty hard going as I was knackered from birth and we were getting into our groove with sleeping. However I can genuinely say I started to enjoy it from about 5 weeks onwards and so far we have been lucky enough to have a very contented and fairly chill baby. I haven’t found things particularly difficult so far - it didn’t come as a surprise to me that I wouldn’t be able to get stuff done as quickly or efficiently as I used to. However I appreciate that it’s totally luck of the draw and a lot of people have it much harder.
I still feel like I hardly ever read anything positive about having a baby though.

@Donra , I agree. I am late 30s with a 4 month old, and this is why DH and I decided in advance that we'd be sticking at just one. (We both work full time and have no extended family help nearby.)

In my social circle, most of the hetro couples where the woman has kept her career and hobbies post kids have stopped at just one kid. The only exceptions are : 1) one couple I know where the male partner has an extremely flexible WFH remote job and the woman works part time. 2) Another couple who are living abroad, where it's extremely cheap (compared to the UK) to hire a full time nanny.