AIBU to ask you to 'fix' my toddlers eating...

[Fussyfoodfranticness]

So, wise MNetters, I know no one can 'fix' this but maybe some advice if you can be arsed to read all of the info below!...

DC18months has always been a difficult and fussy eater, ever since weaning times. We started out with combo weaning (purées and baby led) but during weaning it was traumatic for me and DD as it came to light she had several difficult and serious allergies. She also had a high gag reflex which meant that as time progressed, coupled with her allergies, where other babies got comfy with eating she was restricted and wary still and would easily choke.

Fast forward to 18months and she still is funny with textures she doesn't like or trust, and despite us trying to give different textures and foods each day between 6-12 months to 'train' her out of it and expose her to different foods , we have no fallen into a rut since 12 months in a bid to get her to eat enough and also since starting nursery which was a rocky ride due to adjusting to food and several allergic responses as we discovered new allergies!

We tried to all eat as a family to encourage variety and habits (lasted about 8months) but stopped that as it didn't seem to have a positive impact and it eventually led to me and DH having a very restricted diet and since I'm trying to lose weight I can't now be eating calories that I don't enjoy.

So, her daily food:

B: Weetabix Mon to Fri, weekend = toast or weetabix

D: Pasta (made with a homemade hidden veggie sauce), soup (homemade, often have 2/3 types ready in freezer for her) and toast, jacket potato with cheese and cream cheese

T: Jacket potato with cheese and cream cheese, pasta and very rarely she will tolerate homemade mince ragu with hidden veg but ONLY if I blend it to a fine mince texture

Snacks: Will only eat raspberrries, ripe pears and occasionally a bite of peach and nectarine
Yoghurt (plenty of)
Cheese (plenty of! It's her fave)
Custard

She also has sweet snacks like biscuits but I try to limit these to one at a weekend as I know my parents will give her biscuits (as well as other more healthy food) when they have her twice a week
Nursery are veggie based so she does have veggie things there but I'm not convinced she eats a lot as she's ravenous when she gets home

Drinks; only has water, breastfeed in morning, and milk for nap and bed time not in a bottle though

Things I have tried but have failed (tried them repeatedly and for an extended period of time with no luck, had to stop as she refused to eat them point blank and would make herself sick with upset) :
Porridge w/fruit compotes homemade
Fish pie
Chicken pie
Meat and veg stew
Pancakes
Wedges
Various veg (will only eat if hidden in a smooth sauce or soup)
Various fruit (no luck)

PLEASE could I have constructive advice and apologies if stuff comes out that makes it seem like a drip feed, not my intention, it's just not a simple toddler case due to allergies and gag reflex etc

How much milk does she have in total do you think?

I am no expert whatsoever but my 19 month olds eating habits greatly improved when we reduced the milk (in our case that meant night weaning).

Eggs of any kind ? Beans? It's clear she hates lumps or harder foods. Sorry you're having a tough time.

If it helps, I know many children who grew out of their fussy eating eventually!

Forgot to ask what it is she's allergic to?

Firstly I would say, well done for getting her eating that diet. I know it is restricted, but you are actually getting a reasonable range of types of food in to her e.g. dairy, fruit, veg. It looks like nutritionally this is ok.

A good way to introduce new foods is using food chaining, which is basically introducing something very similar e.g. if she likes yoghurt, will she eat a different type with fruit bits in? Instead of Weetabix, would she eat soggy bran flakes? Would she dip something else in the soup or dip toast into sloppy scrambled eggs?

If necessary, try to reduce your anxiety around mealtimes (at least outwardly). Maybe consider messy play to introduce new foods or offer her a piece of what you are having to smell. Next time see if she will touch it, then lick it, so she can register it as 'safe' in her own time.

Both my DD and my DSD are very texture sensitive and that's without any allergies into the bargain!
What my DD likes (still does at 15 years) is simple tasty food. She doesn't like sauces or mixed up food
Tonight was oven baked salmon with soy/ginger/garlic, pl lain broccoli and noodles.
Other things she likes - omelette (also toddler friendly) veggie sausages, fish fingers (home made are really easy) plain veg..
What do you need to avoid for your LO?
Repetition is fine with meals, I really wouldn't worry too much about feeding the same few variations.

For lunch could you try expanding the things she has with / on toast:

• cream cheese
• beans
• cheese

If not among her allergies:

• scrambled eggs
• peanut butter

Have you tried her with rice?

Mince and tatties for tea?

Oh, would she try noodles? My dd loves homemade pot noodles. Thin noodles in a jar with whatever you fancy, cover with boiling water and leave covered for 15 mins.

Huge sympathies, OP. My eldest went from brilliant eater to totally phobic of almost all foods when he had bad croup at 10 months. Textures etc were a major issue.

I'm going to be totally honest and say her diet doesn't sound all that terrible, with lots of veg tolerated in the pasta sauce - although it's obviously very limited in terms of variety and the fruit thing sounds really challenging.

The thing that made the most difference for us was to just stop trying for a while. It removed the stress from all of us, took the pressure off food for a bit. Never offered him anything from our plates, either (though obv we'd have been overjoyed if he reached out for something.) And then we'd just introduce one or two new timings after a month or so. No pressure, it was just there. Grapes, or sweetcorn, or whatever. Something he could pick up or scoop up himself pretty easily though, to help the feeling of control.

I won't pretend that it hasn't been a hard and dispiriting slog sometimes. But he's 10 now, incredibly fit and sporty and eats a decent range of foods (though frustratingly won't touch cheese.) Loves green olives and calmly informed me recently that actually he loves red peppers, why don't we have them at home? He had them at parties and loved them. Tried very hard not to roll my eyes after all the times we'd declared them poison.

We've had a rule since he was about 5 that he's allowed not to like something but he has to try it. A try means three reasonable sized bites, to give your tastebuds time to get over the surprise of a new food. He has to be open to liking it (we can tell if he's not) and if he still seriously dislikes it, I won't ask him to try it again for at least six months. It's a deal that works well for him - obv your DD is too young for it now but maybe as she gets older.

I'd honestly do nothing other than to offer new things every now and again.

You are heading into the worst age. Sympathies op my DD was similar. Now at 2.5 I see glimmers of hope.

You need to a) reduce pressure. B) accept she may have a much smaller appetite than you expect and don't push her when not hungry.
With the foods she does eat,put a single piece of a new/non accepted item on the plate. Initially she may refuse to even have it there - put a pot to one side and tell her she may move it off the plate if she wishes. Say nothing and don't push her to eat it. Repeat. You will find after many many weeks, she will prob start eating some.

Doing this, in the last year my DD now eats:

Broccoli
Raw sugar snaps
Noodles
Loads more fruit - basically most fruits.
Bagels
Croissants
Cherry tomatoes
Chicken
Roast parsnips
Mushrooms
Oat bars
Breadsticks and rice cakes
Various cereals
Crumpets
Roast meats
Prawns
Fish fingers
Pasta bolognese
Curry with basically any meat/chickpeas/lentils etc.
Any nut butter and pretty much any nuts generally
Beetroot
Cucumber
Peppers
Sweetcorn
Homemade burgers (sometimes)
Scrambled egg (sometimes)
Pancakes
Rice pudding
Carrot cake
Crumble and custard
Pizza (sometimes)
Peas

If I'd shown myself that list a year ago I wouldnt have believed it but it does get better.

The BIGGEST thing for me was accepting her small appetite and letting her eat when she is hungry/reject things when she isnt.

Her diet really doesn't sound terrible at all, actually. There's almost no processed food in there, and it includes a reasonable balance and variety of foods. What is it you're most worried about? Would you like her to be eating more vegetables, more protein like meat and fish, or just more variety full stop?

If she likes soups, that is a great source of nutrition. I'd increase the varieties you offer and include vegetables she wouldn't normally eat whole. E.g. would she eat cabbage soup, butternut squash soup, carrot and coriander, leek and potato? You can use also meat stock to get more protein in.

Will she eat rice? Eggs? Mash - and if so, will she eat mash other than potato, like celeriac or broccoli mash? Basically, if texture rather than taste is the main issue then you might be able to get her to eat plenty of variety as long as you're flexible about how you serve it.

My DS1 was like this - a good eater but then around 10 months developed reflux and would vomit after every meal 🙄 he became anxious around food and wouldn't eat much at all (1 piece of pasta for tea was typical!). After a while I stopped focussing on quality and went for quantity. If he showed an interest in food then he was given it (chocolate for breakfast even!) I figured something was better than nothing. Now he's nearly 7 and he eats more than me! He will give most things a bash and, if he likes it, will eat massive amounts! He's still small and very skinny but really active and fit and healthy. Honestly the only thing that helped was taking the pressure off and giving it time.

I second the idea of lots of messy food/sensory based play. Absolutely no pressure to eat the things, just play. It could be a sensory issue and letting her explore textures in a different way might help.

Jelly play/cooked coloured spaghetti/dyed rice and chickpeas. Lots of play with playdoh, making it into food and just play with as many different textures as you can.

In our house the rule is, parents decide what to cook and what's on offer, kids decide what to eat. No pressure at all.

For what it's worth I too think she has a pretty balanced diet and the things she does eat are nutritionally good and varied. If she's open to eating to different treats and snacks, I'd be inclined to let her have those too, at least it increases variety!

Came here to see the replies. 18 month old picky eater. The anxiety it causes me! Living in hope x

I'll try work through all your responses, so bear with me, starting bottom up...

@AnnaSW1 My mum says the same, she says she will get better when she does and if I can sneak veg in hidden when what's the issue (my mum will make her mash with smashed broccoli hidden whereas I'd try battle to get her to eat broccoli as it is which is probably pointless)

@JassyRadlett I know, and it's great I can hide veg in her food but I'd LOVE her to eat with us and have 'regular' family meals

@ElegantlyTouched a lot of the ingredients that go into noodles or homemade pot noodles (used to make them all the time) she couldn't have plus she's fussy with noodle spaghetti texture 😖 maybe in the future! She loves cheese on toast and enjoys cream cheese but I feel like she survives off cheese currently 😩 egg and peanut are 2 of her allergies yes. Rice is tolerated, and I made a lovely lentil curry to go with it and then she reacted to the lentil curry (even though last time I made it exactly the same she didn't! So was advised not to make it again for a few weeks then try it again)

@Beamur Her allergies are banana, peanut, egg, aubergine, kiwi, citrus fruits, sometimes tomato?! Sometimes spinach! Maybe I worry too much about variety and she's fine but I feel bad that she eats such a basic diet when I make so many lovely meals!

It really is fine to simply tick the boxes for a balanced diet and not worry about it being complicated or varied. Offering the occasional new food is good, but children anxious around food do need the comfort of safe meals without stress or drama. Most will add to their repertoire over time. DD ate maybe half a dozen meals? Most carbs, good variety of veg, but no meat, some fish, egg, cheese (only about 2 kinds) zero condiments! A few Quorn type things (no sauces!!) but it has changed over the years..

I have a fussy eater and was going to say she is eating better than my 3 year old was at that stage. My now three year old now finally will eat a reduced roast dinner - roast meat, veg and mash with gravy. Gravy was a huge revelation just after 3 that he loves instant gravy (which I hate) but great for quick dinners.

Once he was physically able we switched to a trip trap high chair - my son is speech delayed so even now can't say hungry. Often we were strapping him into a highchair as a perceived meal time and he wasnt hungry so wouldn't eat. At age two we let him have some choice so which we would climb onto his chair and then we knew he would eat.

@BendingSpoons food chaining is an amazing idea and I'll have a proper look into that, it seems like it could be a good game plan.

@Notimeforaname Her allergies are banana, peanut, egg, aubergine, kiwi, citrus fruits, sometimes tomato?! Sometimes spinach!

@WholeMilkIsMinging She has very little milk, a breastfeed in the morning and then 3 oz at nap time only and then 3 oz at bed time.

@Littlegoth glad it's not just me (I know it can't be but feels like it sometimes) but whenever we meet up with others of a similar age even younger their kids eat much better and will eat family meals. She would only eat the mash from a Sunday dinner/Xmas dinner, disheartening to say the least.

@GraciousPiglet I did try messy and sensory play about 5/6 times with other babies (friends babies not just random children) and she was so upset and hysterical each time whereas the other babies loved it and I just ended up with a lot of mess to clean and a sad bubb :(

@whoami24601 that's it really, I now focus on getting her a proper meal in rather than lots of different foods as she is strong willed and will make herself sick even if she enjoys the taste if she doesn't want to eat it! I'd just love her to enjoy loads of foods but she's just not there yet. She can also poo on command! Did it for nap times consistently for 6 months would store a poo and do it at nap time to delay the nap 😂

@Dunrobin Yeah so I batch cook and freeze mushroom soup, carrot ginger, leek potato or just random multi veg soups so she gets variety,

She's not keen on rice due to the bitty texture unfortunately and Her allergies are banana, peanut, egg, aubergine, kiwi, citrus fruits, sometimes tomato?! Sometimes spinach!

@OfstedOffred I will try this and thank you for the words of encouragement!!! I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel, I long for days when I can make a big Sunday dinner and we all eat together!

Allergy and GERD mum here 🙋‍♀️

DD is 2.5 years old, still funny with textures and certain foods. She's got poorly controlled reflux and is due to get her tonsils out soon.

She is milk, soya and egg free.

She mainly has peppa pig pasta, fruit puree, kirstys pizza, toast and chicken and rice.

She won't eat any veg that aren't pureed really and will only eat bananas but no other fruit that isn't pureed. She is super picky, only snacks and never finishes her snacks. Her paediatrician isn't worried as they say its likely because of her reflux that has put her off certain foods that make her tummy worse. She doesn't even like dairy free chocolate, she may have one little bar once every 2 months!

I wouldn't worry too much as long as she puts weight on, I found trying to make foods with her helped or adding extra alternative butter or milks into her foods. So like if I make plain chicken I add her vitalite butter to it to give her the extra vitamins and fats she's needs x

I'd have to sit & compare line by line. Still, I am Pretty sure OP's DD eats enormously more variety than my 14 yr old DS eats, or has ever eaten.

Thank you posters, it's given me a lot of reassurance. I've no idea why I'm so worried but I think it just hit me today that she has very little variation and never eats with us. I like to eat a different meal every day of the week so i feel bad for her like I'm cheating her?

My teenagers eat the exact same meals almost every day.

heck, MIL eats almost the exact same meals every day.

A lot of ppl like this.

My daughter was a horrendous picky eater and could throw up or choke at every meal time. She didn't really improve until her third birthday. I would put three small things on a little plate for her, so it never looked overwhelming, and if that was cleared then a couple of things more. I also bought some ready made foods as it was less upsetting (to me) to throw away food that I hadn't lovingly prepared.
She's all grown up now with children of her own, still very petite and eats like a proverbial horse.

@Fussyfoodfranticness

Thank you posters, it's given me a lot of reassurance. I've no idea why I'm so worried but I think it just hit me today that she has very little variation and never eats with us. I like to eat a different meal every day of the week so i feel bad for her like I'm cheating her?

Me and DD never really eat together. I did try to eat foods she liked and then started to swap some food to add new ones. I also would make an allergy friendly meal for me and partner to see if it would interest her (she likes to copy my boyfriend) and that helped too. We're loving cottage pies now which is a new one for us!

I do feel the same when We're out though, it's hard to find places to eat that have variety so mainly live off nandos when out and about haha