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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To STILL not want to downsize?

216 replies

toconclude · 20/03/2022 11:43

Live in Victorian smallish semi - technically 4 bed but three bedrooms are singles and DH uses one as a study and always has. Downstairs bathroom which we've managed with so far.
Ongoing options are: convert one bed to bathroom so one on each floor - then as we get older would improve safety (currently average age late 60s)
Or downsize to smaller bungalow. In our town that means almost inevitably spending more money as land is pricey, and getting rid of DHs bulky Edwardian heirloom furniture
Also would lose my lovely neighbours of many years and my lovely garden.
Have already given both kids significant lump sum towards buying their own house.
A reaction to a comment in another thread about selfish boomers "hoarding" family houses.
Don't feel like a hoarder but maybe we are😳🤷

OP posts:
ChiswickFlo · 20/03/2022 13:10

@toconclude

Live in Victorian smallish semi - technically 4 bed but three bedrooms are singles and DH uses one as a study and always has. Downstairs bathroom which we've managed with so far. Ongoing options are: convert one bed to bathroom so one on each floor - then as we get older would improve safety (currently average age late 60s) Or downsize to smaller bungalow. In our town that means almost inevitably spending more money as land is pricey, and getting rid of DHs bulky Edwardian heirloom furniture Also would lose my lovely neighbours of many years and my lovely garden. Have already given both kids significant lump sum towards buying their own house. A reaction to a comment in another thread about selfish boomers "hoarding" family houses. Don't feel like a hoarder but maybe we are😳🤷
Yanbu to feel as you do of course, but things change... Your "lovely" neighbours may sadly pass away or move and the new neighbours may not be as lovely... And tbh the cost of works and materials now is massive compared even 2 years ago Moving may end up cost the same as renovating!
DaphneduM · 20/03/2022 13:11

It's actually quite daunting to make downsizing work for you, especially if you move while you're still relatively fit, which is obviously the time to do it, as it's both physically and mentally challenging. Often there's another reason - moving to be nearer adult children. This is what finally decided us to move, - wanting to be nearer our daughter and grandchild. We moved from a large semi-detached cottage with a huge garden to a decent sized four bed detached with a small garden. We were lucky, the house is a one-off with a beautiful walled garden, in a beautiful area but near amenities. It's lovely to have a light practical house with large rooms, so I don't consider we've actually downsized really, only in terms of the land we now have, which is a good thing when thinking ahead to the future. We're in our late 60's and still very fit at the moment. It's also a considerably cheaper area too. So thankfully it's worked for us. I'm also glad we achieved this in 2019, before the pandemic and the housing market mayhem. At the time there actually wasn't that much on the market either, but in the area we bought there wasn't much competition.

We helped our daughter and son-in-law with their housing deposit quite a few years ago now, passing on a family inheritance, which we felt was a good use of that money.

I've got several friends who have moved from their beautiful homes to smaller houses and have actually been unhappy, so we were well aware of the pitfalls of going down that route. My husband is a very analytical person and was amazing in facilitating our successful move - indeed it was due to his research that we found the area we are now in. While we wanted to be nearer our children, we didn't want to be too near. We have a downstairs room that could become a bedroom and with a bit of tweaking there would be room for a downstairs shower too. So definitely no plans to move again.

Nothappyatwork · 20/03/2022 13:12

@godmum56

oh and PS...all the repairs maintenance and insurance are also payable at the same time as the mortgage is....it doesn't just kick in once the mortgage is paid off.
But if you never insure it and you never do any repairs it is indeed tax free. I’ve never paid buildings insurance in my life, 🤷‍♀️ Just had a look at it though and it’s like 150 quid a year. Asked for maintenance entirely optional driving round the streets of our town, there are plenty not doing it
BanjoKnickers · 20/03/2022 13:12

Its never "free" owning a home vs renting, I am amazed that you should think that it is.

I do not!

godmum56 · 20/03/2022 13:13

@Nothappyatwork

Hopefully it’s not one of my comments on the other post that’s upset you I don’t think anybody should be forced to downsize at all but I do think that house prices shouldn’t be allowed to run away with themselves to the point where at the beginning of the journey it doesn’t cost more than three times a young person salary to get on the ladder. After that I guess it’s open season and the lady with her millions in on paper equity can continue to convince herself that she’s earnt them 😉 As for your situation I would say don’t put the bathroom upstairs because a four bedroom house can command a premium I remember looking when DC3 was a baby for a four bedroom house and it was just impossible to find anything.
there are loads of 4 bed houses round here....and how will you control house prices?
Nothappyatwork · 20/03/2022 13:14

Quite simply you control lending.

Nothappyatwork · 20/03/2022 13:14

@godmum56 - House prices are controlled by controlling lending. It truly is that simple if the bank will honey land first time buyers three times their salary and a 10% deposit and that is what your starter home will sell for

sst1234 · 20/03/2022 13:15

Don’t worry about ill informed comments which are not based on any understanding of how the economy works. Boomer homeowners are not responsible for the housing affordability issue. The problem is the culture of low pay and nimbyism.

Original poster
toconclude · 20/03/2022 13:16

@Nothappyatwork
I can assure you that we have nothing like that amount of equity and am well aware that a valuation is just a number. The house is just where we live.
You clearly aren't remotely bothered upsetting people if you think snotty digs like that are amusing.

OP posts:
BanjoKnickers · 20/03/2022 13:18

House prices are controlled by controlling lending. It truly is that simple

It truly is not! There are countless factors that contribute to supply and demand. And supply and demand determine house prices.

BeanStew22 · 20/03/2022 13:19

@WomanStanleyWoman

You don’t owe anyone else a house!

The bathroom plan sounds like a good idea.

^ this!

Moving is expensive

  • the stamp duty, fees, and then you always end up buying different furniture etc

A double bedroom, spare room, office & bathroom is hardly excessive for a cot and even if you were in a ten room mansion it’s YOURS, you earned it!

2 bathrooms is perfect & future proofs your house. If push came to shove could you have a bedroom downstairs (dining room?)

Nothappyatwork · 20/03/2022 13:19

[quote toconclude]@Nothappyatwork
I can assure you that we have nothing like that amount of equity and am well aware that a valuation is just a number. The house is just where we live.
You clearly aren't remotely bothered upsetting people if you think snotty digs like that are amusing.[/quote]
The comment was not directed at you it was a different user who basically made the point that nobody could afford to buy her house anyway so it didn’t matter whether she sold it or not … erm okay

Branleuse · 20/03/2022 13:19

its your home. If you want to stay in it, then stay in it. Why would anyone put themselves through the stress of housebuying/selling and moving unless it was absolutely necessary

Nothappyatwork · 20/03/2022 13:20

@BanjoKnickers

House prices are controlled by controlling lending. It truly is that simple

It truly is not! There are countless factors that contribute to supply and demand. And supply and demand determine house prices.

Correct if there’s no supply of lending, Watch what happens to demand
caringcarer · 20/03/2022 13:20

DH and I don't know what to do next year when my youngest son leaves home. We have 4 bedroom with loft extension to 2 further bedrooms and shower room. There will be DH, and me who neither have good health and 1 foster son we ho will be 16. Not sure if we should downsize to 3 bedroom whilst still just about able to manage to do a move. We would still have spare room for guests or DH WFH for a couple more years. We do love the garden though and dogs love garden too.

Blimeyherewegoagain · 20/03/2022 13:22

Studies have shown that older people living in houses keep better health that those in bungalows. The going up and down stairs helps keep your muscles and heart healthy. X

BanjoKnickers · 20/03/2022 13:23

Correct if there’s no supply of lending, Watch what happens to demand

50/50 - I'm going to say it would fall?

bellac11 · 20/03/2022 13:25

@fogglez

My point was in answer to someone who said that they didnt know anyone who didnt have help

That's was me because I don't. That doesn't mean I believe everyone has help because they don't but nonetheless lots do.

And I didnt say that no one had had help so there was not need for your aggressive post asking 'and your point is'.
bellac11 · 20/03/2022 13:26

@Blimeyherewegoagain

Studies have shown that older people living in houses keep better health that those in bungalows. The going up and down stairs helps keep your muscles and heart healthy. X
Thats interesting, is that when they also take account that perhaps people move to bungalows in the first place because their health is not so good?
Roselilly36 · 20/03/2022 13:27

Most people have a reason to downsize, if you are happy were you are, why would you. We downsized last year, from a large 5 bed detached family home to a much smaller 3 bed detached bungalow, I was finding the house too much to cope with due to my disability, so pleased we moved, but if I didn’t have Multiple Sclerosis, we would have stayed put I expect.

Original poster
toconclude · 20/03/2022 13:27

@Nothappyatwork
In which case I apologize. Not the case here whatsoever. Alth with only onstreet parking it's possible it's not that attractive to a family with more than one car ...

OP posts:
godmum56 · 20/03/2022 13:27

@Blimeyherewegoagain

Studies have shown that older people living in houses keep better health that those in bungalows. The going up and down stairs helps keep your muscles and heart healthy. X
could I see a link to any of those studies please? I would suggest that there are too many other factors in anybody's life to make that provable or valid.
23Hares · 20/03/2022 13:28

@yorkshireteaspoonie

You absolutely don't have to move and you shouldn't feel pressured to. I'm probably the opposite to you as I'm 39 and live in a large open plan bungalow, I'd never consider living on two levels it just doesn't appeal and I'd be most aggrieved at someone telling me what I should do!

I wonder if I'm considered as taking up housing stock for an older person! ?

Yep. According to a thread on here a while back you've no right buying a bungalow unless you're old and/or disabled.

I must be the devil incarnate. I'm under occupying a 3 bed bungalow, in a rural area I'm not local to, and I'm not old or disabled. Oh and it was bought with inherited money. I should be ashamed of myself.

Chewbecca · 20/03/2022 13:28

I think a lot of people think they will downsize when they get older and consider cash released as part of their pension.

Until they get closer to the time. We’ve looked at bungalows, they’re expensive for the space, especially detached ones & most need a refurb, resulting in a pretty low level of cash released but plenty of hassle with the move and refurb and risk that the garden won’t be as nice as ours, or parking might be awkward, or the neighbours might be noisy.

There is nothing like the prospect of moving to make you fall in love with your home all over again!

fogglez · 20/03/2022 13:29

And I didnt say that no one had had help so there was not need for your aggressive post asking 'and your point is'.

But there is an issue with people only being able to buy because they have help particularly now & social mobility going backwards because someone's parents are renters. The fact you didn't have help doesn't make it less of an issue. That's not being aggressive!