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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exhausted constantly

31 replies

Smarshian · 19/03/2022 22:01

I am in bed before 10pm on a Saturday as I am super exhausted and need the rest, is everyone the same?
I have 2DC 3 & 5. Work 4 days, 2 long days and 2 short days so I can collect DC from school/nursery. On Fridays I have a day off and the kids are at school/nursery term time. I use this day for cleaning and food prep usually.
I play netball 1/2 evenings a week and run 3/4 times a week (I am marathon training so this can be quite intense).
Today I woke up at 7.30 (it was my ‘lie in’), usually I am up at 6/6.30. I took the DS swimming whilst DH took DD to football, 9-10, then came back took both kids to a party 11-1, then had a play date with a neighbour this afternoon.
If we don’t get the kids out they are a nightmare in the house squabbling and whinging so we are always doing stuff but I just want a chilled weekend sometimes! Tomorrow we plan on a NT place, but it’s all the faff of getting ready, packing lunch etc etc etc, the thought of it is just draining me!
Does everyone’s week look like this?
YABU - it’s normal!
YANBU - it’s too much (tell me how to fix it!)

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 19/03/2022 22:38

I think it's normal for working parents who have children your age to be knackered. It's physically and mentally draining.

PennyFleck · 19/03/2022 22:45

Today I've run around from first thing this morning for both generations of family. Tomorrow we're all staying home, have told the kids it's a stay at home day. Possibly PJ's all day, doing laundry, watching TV, reading and dinner.
We are all looking forward to it!

NoSquirrels · 19/03/2022 22:57

Today I woke up at 7.30 (it was my ‘lie in’), usually I am up at 6/6.30. I took the DS swimming whilst DH took DD to football, 9-10, then came back took both kids to a party 11-1, then had a play date with a neighbour this afternoon.

Was taking DS to swimming for a lesson - or just an extra?

Parties you’re not in control of timing (apart from to say no!) but everything else you are - if it’s too much scale back. I definitely wouldn’t have done a play date after a party, and at 3 you don’t need formal activities yet (even swimming!)

Does your DH pull his weight with the day out prep? Do the packed lunch etc? If not he should start!

If you’re exhausted (& small children of those ages are definitely exhausting) it is OK to just do less. Yes the DC need to be run out so you can’t just ‘chill’ but you and DH can tag team going to the park while the other has a proper lie in or chill for a few hours.

HellToTheNope · 19/03/2022 23:00

You're exhausted because you're doing too much shit you don't need to be doing with two very young children. It's not rocket science.

pastabest · 19/03/2022 23:01

It sounds normal for the amount you are working/exercising and 10pm is a pretty normal time to go to bed.

But if you feel it isn't normal and the tiredness is something extra then go and get your bloods checked. You might be anaemic or have an autoimmune condition or something.

Icanflyhigh · 19/03/2022 23:09

Your week sounds fairly standard and it's OK to be knackered and do nothing at the weekend. It's also OK to sit the DC in front of a DVD/computer game whilst you have down time.
Took me a long time to get to that, bit no one got hurt, or left out or felt neglected.
You need time for you too.

LittleOwl153 · 19/03/2022 23:33

I'm knackered from your day without the marathon training... so yes it sounds too much for me! My kids are a bit older but still need to leave the house each day - but a run around the pack/football does the trick.

Have you got toys in your garden to tire them out. Mine loved a trampoline at that age for example - used alot of energy.

But realistically to get/keep yourself marathon fit is going to take its toll.
Have you been to the doctor and got the usual blood tests etc? Are you following a sensible marathon prep plan? Other than that I guess you just have to keep going till you can drop the training which will hopefully help.

Ghostmooncup · 19/03/2022 23:38

I have a similar work/ child set up and I'm constantly knackered. My kids are also a nightmare if we don't get out- so it's less energy to go out than stay in and deal with them bouncing off the walls.

It's not unusual, but neither do I think it's a good way to live, with parents constantly knackered. Something gotta give and you don't want it to be yiur mental health.

TheTeenageYears · 20/03/2022 00:29

Are you eating enough/the right things/at the right time for your level of activity? You manage a considerable amount of exercise for someone working with young children. Getting out and keeping the DC moving to try and avoid the squabbling at home can be exhausting for all of you. In bed by 10pm for a 6am start is very normal.

violetbunny · 20/03/2022 02:30

Could you claw back a bit of time on the Friday so you get some proper downtime? Why does cleaning and food prep take an entire day?

Could you:

  • outsource any of it (e.g. buy a food subscription, grocery shop online, get a cleaner)
  • make any of the jobs more efficient (e.g. batch cook twice as much and freeze, get a robot vacuum)
  • lower your standards (e.g. have simpler meals some days that don't require as much prep)
  • move anything else to another day to carve out a decent break on Fridays (e.g. do some cleaning jobs during the week)
  • get DH to pick up any more jobs
Original poster
Smarshian · 20/03/2022 06:48

@violetbunny

Could you claw back a bit of time on the Friday so you get some proper downtime? Why does cleaning and food prep take an entire day?

Could you:

  • outsource any of it (e.g. buy a food subscription, grocery shop online, get a cleaner)
  • make any of the jobs more efficient (e.g. batch cook twice as much and freeze, get a robot vacuum)
  • lower your standards (e.g. have simpler meals some days that don't require as much prep)
  • move anything else to another day to carve out a decent break on Fridays (e.g. do some cleaning jobs during the week)
  • get DH to pick up any more jobs
I do sometimes get a little time on a Friday but it never feels like a proper rest. I usually try to do my long run on a Friday so it doesn’t impact with my weekend. For example, this week I dropped the kids off at 9, ran straight from drop off until 10.30, then showered and went to get my nails done at 11-12. Went home, ate lunch, then did a quick tidy, some washing, popped some dinner in the slow cooker, and did a couple of life admin things (car insurance renewal, organised some gifts for the party yesterday), by the time I had done that it was 3 and time to go and collect the children. Obviously I don’t do those things every Friday, but I do usually run and get my nails done every 3 weeks.
OP posts:
violetbunny · 20/03/2022 06:54

I get that you feel exhausted OP, but spending 1.5 hours on exercise and then getting your nails done every three weeks is more time than I get to myself on a Friday Grin Ultimately I think it comes down to how you're choosing to prioritise your time.

Owieeee · 20/03/2022 07:05

Op, are you me? I could have written your post except I have 3 dcs 4, 7,10. They have bags of energy and matter when they go to bed are up early. As they are older we can have more chilled weekends but there's no question of staying in all day, also we aren't too keen on lots of screens, a movie , some cartoons are fine ..but they'd climb the walls. I've also started working a lot more in the week and my DH ft. I run also but have an injury at the mo. Exercise should be great for energy. I try to go to bed early but if you have energetic, early wakers it's a long day... Do you take vits?

Original poster
Smarshian · 20/03/2022 07:11

I don’t take any bits, I do try to eat a pretty healthy diet though (plus chocolate!), maybe it’s something I should consider.
Sound like it is normal and I just need to suck it up a bit?
I think the thing that is grating on me is that DH plays golf on a Saturday most weeks, so yesterday I was alone with the kids 11-5 while he was out. I don’t want to deny him his golf (especially as I get my time for running/netball), but it’s a very long day with the kids when there’s lots of activities!
The play date yesterday was long standing for DS and then the party invite came in. We wouldn’t usually do both those things on the same day.

OP posts:
Owieeee · 20/03/2022 07:12

Also going to bed at 10 and up for 6am.is just 6 hours sleep, I find I need more ideally..could you go to bed earlier? Your Friday sounds wonderful tbh but maybe instead of a run one morning go back to bed and recharge?

Owieeee · 20/03/2022 07:15

I hate activities at the weekend tbh but my DC's have so much energy and as they grow to teenagers I really want them to continue with a sport if possible and they really enjoy it but it does eat into the day especially when you are solo. Sometimes I keep it simple and just go out for a good run around in the morning and then they can chill, watch movies in the afternoon especially on a Sunday as we all need a day of rest.

Owieeee · 20/03/2022 07:16

*just 8 hours sleep

OrangeSamphire · 20/03/2022 07:18

Are you happy with this life OP? It sounds (on the surface), quite functional and not massively joyful. And that alone can make a person exhausted.

Also, is your DH taking the share of life admin / chores? They really ramp up at this stage in life with kids getting older.

olympicsrock · 20/03/2022 07:20

You get up super early and do masses including lots of physical exercise . No wonder you are tired.
I do think you are trying to do too much.
The sacrifice is evening tv chill time to get enough rest

Original poster
Smarshian · 20/03/2022 07:31

@OrangeSamphire

Are you happy with this life OP? It sounds (on the surface), quite functional and not massively joyful. And that alone can make a person exhausted.

Also, is your DH taking the share of life admin / chores? They really ramp up at this stage in life with kids getting older.

I think this may be where the issue is. I don’t feel like I’m really enjoying my weekends at the moment as it’s just a long list of things to do. DH is very good at doing his fair share of practical things around the house (cooking, bins, general tidying) and we have a cleaner every other week for a couple of hours who does the extra bits we need. He is not so good at all the ‘mental load bits’, eg sorting out childcare options for the school holidays, paying nursery bills, homework, making Easter bonnets, organising babysitters for when we have an evening event planned, buying and sorting gifts etc etc are just a few things on my mind at the moment.
OP posts:
pilates · 20/03/2022 07:36

Wow you are super woman with all the exercise on top of a busy life. Could your husband do alternative Saturday’s for golf? 8 hours is a decent amount of sleep imo and your children don’t need to be doing constant activities. They need to learn to entertain themselves. I am pleased you are playing netball/running. This is quite refreshing to read that you are doing something for yourself. Could your husband do more to ease the burden?

blublub · 20/03/2022 07:44

If I don’t have a day at home I go bonkers. Saturday fun day Sunday roast, film popcorn and crafts/gardening. Buy a cake mix, pre-organised craft, film. Pjs and relax!

Lady0racle · 20/03/2022 08:01

I’m also constantly exhausted. I work full time, I’m a single parent and I also do a similar amount of exercise.

My DCs are a bigger and can be left unsupervised so I do make sure I factor I know some rest time at weekends. I had a nap yesterday afternoon and it does make a difference. I need to recharge at weekends or I find it difficult to function during the week.

OrangeSamphire · 20/03/2022 09:18

This may sound a bit ‘woo’ to some, but modern lives can all too easily crush the bits of us that we need to sustain to hold on to our own vitality.

Creativity, spirituality (whatever that looks like for you), and time in nature.

It’s difficult to offload many of the things that make our lives exhausting but we can reignite some of our own energy from within.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 20/03/2022 09:27

When lockdown started I spent a while trying to get my guys doing table games so play doh, colouring, Lego, sand. Anything to keep them static and focussed for a while. That and fort making means we can chill a bit inside at weekends. Our standards for tidiness are low and we have a cleaner. I am sahm so I'll take on most of the life admin but when dc3 was born I basically handed it over to dh for a few months. I asked him if he wanted a list or cheat sheet because I had my way of doing things (I had found settling into sahm really stressful) or did he want to muddle through and he was fine.