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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Active on Instagram but to busy to reply

36 replies

Unluckyloo · 19/03/2022 18:06

Not replied in 8 hours but been active multiple times on Instagram. Call him out for not replying and hun telling me he’s busy at work and been non stop.

Am I being unreasonable to accept that considering he’s been active on Instagram 12 times today

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 19/03/2022 18:11

Are you 13 or something? Why are you stalking someone’s Instagram? Why can’t they just reply to you when they’re ready?

girlmom21 · 19/03/2022 18:13

You're being unreasonable to monitor someone's online status.

If you get an Instagram or Facebook notification and look at it on your Lock Screen it shows you as online even if you don't open the app.

Bagelsandbrie · 19/03/2022 18:17

Maybe he’s too busy to sit down and send a proper reply? Browsing stuff / randomly looking at stuff on Instagram is different to writing replies and messages to people.

Schwarz · 19/03/2022 18:22

I also wouldn't reply to someone counting how many times I was online on social media - you seriously with a straight face counted how many times you saw him online? That's stalker behaviour.

galacticpixels · 19/03/2022 18:25

I think you're being unreasonable for a number of reasons but also from my experience the "active" thing on Instagram is crazy inaccurate...

Hadenoughofthisbullshit · 19/03/2022 18:29

8 hours isn’t that much.

Hadenoughofthisbullshit · 19/03/2022 18:30

Maybe you need to spend your time doing something better than checking when he’s on Instagram

TinLeaf · 19/03/2022 18:31

@Schwarz

I also wouldn't reply to someone counting how many times I was online on social media - you seriously with a straight face counted how many times you saw him online? That's stalker behaviour.
This. You do sound a bit stalker’ish
Original poster
Unluckyloo · 19/03/2022 18:35

I don’t know if it was 12 but every time I’ve gone into my messages roughly that much and he’s always online.

It’s more he’s clearly on his phone but states he’s to busy to reply to me

OP posts:
TyrannosaurusRegina · 19/03/2022 18:35

No one owes you any reply within a specific time frame and I would find that extremely suffocating. Besides there is a difference between idly scrolling SM and having to actively engage.

seven201 · 19/03/2022 18:36

Yabu

girlmom21 · 19/03/2022 18:40

@Unluckyloo

I don’t know if it was 12 but every time I’ve gone into my messages roughly that much and he’s always online.

It’s more he’s clearly on his phone but states he’s to busy to reply to me

He's not necessarily on his phone though. The online status isn't accurate.
ImprobablePuffin · 19/03/2022 18:41

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you're going to drive yourself crazy if you carry on like this.

IME if a bloke wants to reply he will. Maybe he thinks you will want a full convo and he doesn't have time or maybe he's not interested. Either way, if it's not acceptable to you then find someone who will reply to you in a timeframe you find acceptable.

SarahAndQuack · 19/03/2022 18:43

If it was 8 days maybe you'd have a point.

Otherwise - no, just take him at his word. He's too busy to reply.

Bananabutter · 19/03/2022 18:47

Wow. He needs to run for the hills. This is crazy thinking and behaviour.

LagunaBubbles · 19/03/2022 18:47

Is this a new relationship? You're going to scare him off.

LizzieMacQueen · 19/03/2022 18:56

I think you are incompatible.

isthismylifenow · 19/03/2022 19:24

I broke off a relationship for this very reason.

I think you are being a bit ott.

Fizzgigg · 19/03/2022 19:26

Why are you even messaging him if he's at work?

DuckyNoMates · 19/03/2022 19:29

Who are you to him to feel so entitled to a reply?

BakedTattie · 19/03/2022 19:29

I didn’t know you could even see when someone is active on Instagram.

LostStars39 · 19/03/2022 19:31

Oh OP you very much remind me of myself, I’m very aware that I’m insecure and fixate on a new guy to the point of obsession. I don’t say anything to them about them being on WhatsApp or social media or whatever because I know how bad it sounds from my point of view!
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this but I really understand where you’re coming from and get your frustration! I guess it depends where you’re at in your relationship and if this is the norm for him? X

MichelleScarn · 19/03/2022 19:33

@Unluckyloo

I don’t know if it was 12 but every time I’ve gone into my messages roughly that much and he’s always online.

It’s more he’s clearly on his phone but states he’s to busy to reply to me

Do you mean you've been messaging him on Instagram? I never really realised what this was until recently, like if someone commented on your photo this would come through as a 'message'. I've tons of 'unread' Instagram messages!
HeadToToesNo · 19/03/2022 19:34

He doesn't owe you a reply, and frankly I wouldn't blame him for pulling back if this is your attitude.

Coffeencrochet · 19/03/2022 19:40

Wouldn't it still show as active if you leave the IG app open even if it doesn't involve messaging or browsing? Or if it's open on the browser.

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